Tips to Attraction and How to Successfully Date! (dating, marry, women)

[SmartWentCrazy]

Everyone has struggled with getting dates and the general rules of attraction. You're not alone. The fortunate thing is: you can turn that around starting today. Don't stress. That's honestly the two best words you can apply to any relationship/dating issue and you'll end up in a happier place for yourself. In order to be successful in dating, you need to build your levels of attraction. Luckily, the first levels of attraction don't require you to say a single word. Hopefully these tips will not only bolster your attractiveness, but will also enhance the way you perceive yourself and add to your self-confidence. Here are some starter tips for men:

Appearance/physical: In a first time encounter, appearance is everything. It's shallow to say, but it's true. The first thing a person looks at is their appearance. However, that doesn't mean without good lucks you can't score any dates with girls. On the contrary, plenty of people I know who would be considered below-average or average in terms of “looks department” have scored dates with 9's or 10's. But, your physical appearance will help you get your foot in the door and set the foundation for attraction/interest.

- Exercise. Can't stress this enough. If you're slightly overweight or too skinny, hit the gym. You don't have to look like a Spartan from 300, but any improvement over a period of time is, nonetheless, an improvement. Exercise has the amazing ability to not only physically improve your physique, but also psychologically boost your appearance of yourself and your confidence. It raises your testosterone levels and you genuinely feel more confident about how you look after a workout session.

- General hygiene: You know the ritual. Shower, shave, moisturizer, deodorant, cologne, etc. Cologne can work magic if you apply the right amount AND if its the right kind of cologne. There have been several studies that have shown that scent is intrinsically linked to hormones and feelings of attraction. You don't even have to say a word and a girl can be instantly attracted to the way you smell. Just make sure it's not too pungent. 1-2 sprays will suffice. If you need recommendations to some colognes, ask some friends on what smells good (preferably women). Relatively cheap and not too strong. Also, keep your hands and fingernails groomed and clean. Apply lip balm if you have chapped lips.

- Clothes: Most girls love fashion. Actually, ALL girls love fashion. It's a way to represent yourself to the world with just the articles of clothing you are wearing. To make a good impression, you have to wear the right clothes and more importantly, clothes that are form-fitted to your body. You can end up buying a $2k Armani suit and it would still look terrible if it isn't fitted to your physique. Don't wear clothes that are too big or sag. The inverse is also true: don't wear clothes that are too tight. Wear clothes that are comfortable to wear but naturally hug the lines of your body. What to wear? Start with clothing color. Neutral colors are safe and can match with literally anything. Neutral colors include: black, white, charcoal, gray, etc. What about style? That is something subjective and can be varying from each individual. Here's a good tip: if you're watching a movie or TV show, notice how an actor is dressed. If you think, “Wow, that looks good”, then try to find a similar outfit at stores. If you're simply walking around and you like something that another person is wearing, keep a mental note of it and look for it when you're shopping. Girls do this all the time. Also, look up some celebrities that cater to your style and match appropriately.

- Body language: Probably the most important aspect of appearance. You can tell how a person feels or behaves just by assessing their body language. Numerous studies have shown that since body language is almost entirely unconscious and instinctive, you can get a clear representation of who the person is just by observing them. When you're sitting or standing you should always have good posture. Shoulders arched slightly back, back straight, and never slouching. Don't fidget when you're on a date - it shows that you are nervous. Keep your hands and legs still and appear relaxed and comfortable. Lean back and relax when you are sitting in front of your date. Leaning forward means you're needy. Make direct eye contact. A good way to maintain eye contact is counting the number of times the person blinks. There was a recent study by psychologists on how eye contact affected the perceived notion of another person:

"A Boston center conducted a study to learn the precise effect. The researchers asked opposite-sex individuals to have a two-minute casual conversation. They tricked half their subjects into maintaining intense eye contact by directing them to count the number of times their partner blinked. They gave the other half of the subjects no special eye-contact directions for the chat. When they questioned the subjects afterward, the unsuspecting blinkers reported significantly higher feelings of respect and fondness for their colleagues who, unbeknownst to them, had simply been counting their blinks.”

Don't just stare intently into their eyes, however. That can be construed as creepy. Nod during certain points of the conversation to non-verbally express your interest and to continue the conversation.

I have some other tips but feel free to add to mine. Obviously, a lot of this is common sense but I think some people tend to overlook the most simplest things that are important when you're dating.

[Phoenix2017]

Good advice all around generally, but I do have a few philosophical concerns with some of the points (please see excerpted portions below; my response in bold).

Originally Posted by SmartWentCrazy

Appearance/physical: In a first time encounter, appearance is everything. It's shallow to say, but it's true. The first thing a person looks at is their appearance.

Not true, at least in my case...what I look at is how kind and nice she is. If she's a 10 in looks but a 1 in terms of kindness, I am simply not interested...

- Exercise. Can't stress this enough. If you're slightly overweight or too skinny, hit the gym.

Since when did being slightly (for example, say 5-10 pounds) overweight become the equivalent of a mortal blow to romance?

- General hygiene: You know the ritual. Shower, shave, moisturizer, deodorant, cologne, etc.

No objections here

- Clothes: Most girls love fashion. Actually, ALL girls love fashion. It's a way to represent yourself to the world with just the articles of clothing you are wearing. To make a good impression, you have to wear the right clothes and more importantly, clothes that are form-fitted to your body.

There was a time, not too long ago actually, before modern fashion trends, when clothes were used purely for their function, not their "wow" factor. In other words, clothes were used simply for basic clothing purposes and to cover oneself, not as a fashion statement. What the girls who are so fashion-conscious may not exactly realize is, these fashion companies are playing you like a fiddle, financially -- they are getting rich at your expense and on your dime, and only for making you get rid of perfectly-good and functional clothes, prematurely (vs. against what is "in fashion", at that particular moment in time). If you think about it, there is no real reason why *all* clothing styles couldn't potentially be in fashion, all of the time. No -- the fashion companies have to make their profits, and so they decide arbitrarily what is fashionable and what is not. I wouldn't be surprised if they are secretly laughing behind all of our backs and high-fiving each other, for automatically rigging the system so that they can profit by constantly and unilaterally making you buy new clothes, depending on whatever they happen to declare is "fashionable", at any given time.

- Body language: Probably the most important aspect of appearance. You can tell how a person feels or behaves just by assessing their body language.

Hardly always true -- body language is also rather ambiguous, and has a huge potential for being misinterpreted. I would much rather have my romantic interest communicated, or have interest communicated to me, through much more concrete and unabstracted, *verbal* methods.

Think about it -- even animals who cannot speak, can always use "body language". We, as humans, have the precious gift of spoken, complex, and meaningful speech...so why not use that gift?

[purehuman]

Knight2009....I agree with you!

[Huckleberry3911948]

i respectfully disagree. find a good woman to clean you up, the women will line up.
astounding, the fact that you are already taken, doesn't slow them down. it should give you pause to stop and consider what sort of creatures are pursuing you, but guys never learn.

[Checkered24]

+1 for Knight's reply. Some good tips in there, but I also do not see them all as universally true.

People of all shapes, sizes, and weights can and do get dates. Being overweight could limit who might date you, but rarely if ever does it make someone undatable.

Also fashion... I see tons of guys (including myself) who would have no clue of what is fashionable if HGTV showed up at my doorstep.

[RockJock1729]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

There was a time, not too long ago actually, before modern fashion trends, when clothes were used purely for their function, not their "wow" factor. In other words, clothes were used simply for basic clothing purposes and to cover oneself, not as a fashion statement. What the girls who are so fashion-conscious may not exactly realize is, these fashion companies are playing you like a fiddle, financially -- they are getting rich at your expense and on your dime, and only for making you get rid of perfectly-good and functional clothes, prematurely (vs. against what is "in fashion", at that particular moment in time). If you think about it, there is no real reason why *all* clothing styles couldn't potentially be in fashion, all of the time. No -- the fashion companies have to make their profits, and so they decide arbitrarily what is fashionable and what is not. I wouldn't be surprised if they are secretly laughing behind all of our backs and high-fiving each other, for automatically rigging the system so that they can profit by constantly and unilaterally making you buy new clothes, depending on whatever they happen to declare is "fashionable", at any given time.

When was this time, exactly? Because clothes have always had a social signalling function, even in the ancient world. Fashion trends existed long before "fashion companies" existed.

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Hardly always true -- body language is also rather ambiguous, and has a huge potential for being misinterpreted. I would much rather have my romantic interest communicated, or have interest communicated to me, through much more concrete and unabstracted, *verbal* methods.

Now that I can agree with.

[Herc130]

This seems to just be advice to help you improve. I don't think he/she was claiming absolutes.

People can learn to be happy with a lot of things. Sour grapes. I didn't want that Ferrari anyway and most people that own those cars must be trying to make up for something. Much more sensible to drive an econo car like the one I own. Some people have choices, some people don't and everyone rationalizes themselves to be better. You're gonna get what you get and you're gonna learn to like it. You're even going to make up other reasons outside of the norm why you like it.

That guy may be really really ridiculously good looking, have a Harvard education and millions of dollars, but damn it, I will like you for who you are. I don't even notice what a girl looks like when I see her. All I think when I see a girl is...' does she like puppies and walks in the park?'

[Phoenix2017]

Originally Posted by RockJock1729

When was this time, exactly? Because clothes have always had a social signalling function, even in the ancient world. Fashion trends existed long before "fashion companies" existed.

I guess I was thinking, say around the time of the 1800's, during the American agricultural and pioneer period. Granted, the wealthy of the time may still have had to exude a certain more sophisticated fashion sense, but I was thinking more of the common person, who would usually be working land, etc. Jeans, trousers, shirt and hat were all generally functional, in terms of being adapted for the farming or land-working tasks, right?

[RockJock1729]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I guess I was thinking, say around the time of the 1800's, during the American agricultural and pioneer period. Granted, the wealthy of the time may still have had the exude a certain fashion sense, but I was thinking more of the common person, who would usually be working land, etc. Jeans, trousers, shirt and hat were all generally functional, in terms of being adapted for the farming or land-working tasks, right?

Fashion in the 1800's, even in the American West as it was being settled, imported fashion trends from Europe much as they had done through the 1700's. Clothes may have identified people as belonging to various social classes, but they were also how you displayed wealth, especially in Colonial times and in the American West, and thus suitability to marry at a time when marriages were more explicitly treated as property arrangements, not love relationships. (You may have grown to love your spouse, but much more often than not, you chose a spouse in hopes of "marrying up", even if you were among the "common people".) And you certainly didn't wear functional wear to church or in town; you kept a second set of clothes for that. Granted, you may have had only the two or three sets of clothes in all, but you wore something special (and thus more socially marked) when you were expecting to meet other people, especially when you did so in order to find a spouse.

[Opsimathia]

I think it can be summed up as:

" Be the type of person you would want to date "

The rest comes with a natural flow.