How long should couples date before getting married

[moonsavvy]

Originally Posted by Prairieparson

Best would be to not have sex till you get married. AS I said, the "sex fog" can cloud your judgment. Marriage needs to be based on common values, likes dislikes etc. That dating time can also be a time where you find out if this person wants you for the right reasons. IE Do they love you (the Person) or your money or are they just desperate to have a baby, and almost anyone will do, because the wife will dump the guy after she has her two kids. Then she can just get rid of the bum and get his child support payments.

I can honestly say that I have never met a woman who is so desperate to have children that she gets married only to divorce him once she gets "her" two children. Is this serious?

Also having sex before marriage does not create a "fog". This isn't the Christianity forum. Have sex too early in the relationship IE first or second date is not a wise idea, but by all means two consenting adults should be able to enjoy a sexual partnership married or not.

[kitgirl11]

a year is ok imo. My mom has friends who knew each other 6 months before they married. I prefer a year. But my grandparents took 2 months before they married so it just matters really.

[kitgirl11]

2 years is too long imo...

[Ceece]

I knew within months. If everything else is in place that's all anyone needs. If you are very young or have things that have to be done before setteling down it may be different.

[Romila]

Originally Posted by Hwy phantom

My friend recently told me he's getting married to a girl he's been dating for 3 months. He's 31 and never been married and he's always struck me as being a player type. He's been in relationships that lasted a couple of years but you could describe him as a guy the likes to frequent bars and take women home for one nighters and he often succeeded at that.

Three months doesn't sound long enough to me as it takes a good while to really get to know someone. So he's telling me about a wedding in 9 months and all I can think of is this will be off before that time even comes, thoughts?

I think love doesn't have time. But they should a least get to know each other to a point where they agree what they want out of life together, financially, sexually, religion wise and so on...
And if they have that in common of what they want out of life and life together go for it. I mean you NEVER going to learn 100% about the person. you will have the rest of their life to learn more and more about each other.

[hatgirl007]

I don't know. I tend to be skeptical of "rush" situations. What's wrong with getting to know his family/friends and letting a Christmas go by. Rush in -rush out. This isn't our parents generation. While you can love, be cautious

[ZOLFTIC]

Capt dan - 9487, your comment is from some time ago. I wonder your age and if you still feel the same. I have postponed an engagement due to serious financial liability my friend committed to with his family - mother, sister and step brother. Actually his dead beat sister is unwilling to cooperate because, forever she has lived off her brother. She has been married since mid 70s, did not divorce but rean home to mommy and daddy 24 yrs ago. Now she expects my hopefully "fiance" to continue to fund her life to include ownership of his home while living in another home he and his mother own. That entanglement provoked my decision to call off the engagement. He wants so truly to provide me with security and the matters at hand do not do that. Hope for replys as i need to live a full life - not based on chaos as my own chaos his cancer. I am 57 and he is 64 and both of us are disable vets and have lived with enough other negativity in life due to our health.

[ZOLFTIC]

After a 20 yr marriage at 38 then 5yrs later a 2nd one ending in estrangement immediately, i was iresponsible to marry both times. I did not marry for the wrong reasons and both verbalized their idea of life together (their parents in both situations were married for many yrs) did not happen. I did not allow enough time to know if their words matched their actions. Also, both were alcoholics and well to a drunk level when the wedding began and during it. I am sure all of you are wondering what is wrong with me. Well there was plenty and since 2000 i have been single in individual and women's group therapy. I ignored the seriously negative behaviors because i thought love for each other would prevail. Both husbands loved and still love their alcohol more than another human being. One is very functional the other dependant on his mother. I enjoyed social drinking but not such to adversely affect interaction with anyone or thing. Now, i pay attention to any and all seriously unhealthy habits and a long list of how compatible i am with the other. The fact is only 2mths ago i met a man to love and fall in love with. While we feel like we are married, we have a grip on what must be to make for a happy and healthy life. I have called of the engagement because there is major business matters to resolve and that process is to overwhelming to become engaged. When something interferes with an engagement, it needs to be resolved because for me, it has intereferred with his happiness and he is not himself. How can he present himself for who he really is. After marriage things happen and the marriage vows are binding when you love each other. I suggest if there are concerns - resolve them first. Most importantly get to know each other even though we all change with age, etc. I am 57yrs old. To love became painful and financial ruin.