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Old 10-12-2011, 06:19 AM
 
Location: NC
4,375 posts, read 2,546,896 times
Reputation: 4048
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
It is a complete waste of time and effort. I thought after my divorce it would be an excellent way to meet women, as I don't like trying to meet them in bars, grocery stores, etc. I was wrong. So while I have an account, I don't even take it seriously anymore. You have to be so clever in what you say and have perfect pictures (whatever that means) for a woman to respond. I mean, I've basically been out of the dating game for 9 years now. I don't know what these women expect now. I guess a "nice" guy with ambition who treats a woman right (without being a doormat), stays in shape, smart, and is loyal and honest just doesn't matter.
You wouldn't put minimal effort into getting a job and expect to be handed the CEO position would you?

I suggest you take a look at your dating profile and find ways to make it more interesting... Get rid of any pictures taken in front of a mirror (looks lonely)

Add pictures involving you doing fun outdoor activities (beach, hiking, riding), pictures of you maybe with a cute pet or animal, and other pic along those lines....

Keep your profile somewhat mysterious and just outline what you enjoy, but not too detailed. DO NOT put all your baggage on display.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
2,103 posts, read 1,591,802 times
Reputation: 2153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suncc49 View Post
You wouldn't put minimal effort into getting a job and expect to be handed the CEO position would you?

I suggest you take a look at your dating profile and find ways to make it more interesting... Get rid of any pictures taken in front of a mirror (looks lonely)

Add pictures involving you doing fun outdoor activities (beach, hiking, riding), pictures of you maybe with a cute pet or animal, and other pic along those lines....

Keep your profile somewhat mysterious and just outline what you enjoy, but not too detailed. DO NOT put all your baggage on display.
Good suggestions. I've redone my profile a dozen times. The pics are ok, and none in the mirror. I do have outdoor pics. Nothing negative at all and not too much detail. Maybe take a pic with my cat, but women in Atlanta don't like guys to have cats (from my experience). So I think it goes back to getting new pics. I just don't know.
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Old 10-12-2011, 09:34 AM
 
1,557 posts, read 2,548,020 times
Reputation: 3695
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
Every woman I have dated, has a "feel sorry" little story of being sexually abused or molested when they were young, which is a great way to get sympathy from someone who does not know them very well. My roommate told me her little story the very first time we met, a lot of idiots out there fall for these BS stories.
dang that stung LOL The last THREE chicks I attempted to establish something with threw in the vaguely and undetailed story of being molested or raped (using that word very liberally from my vantage point) as a young teenager.

After that, their lives are by default a story of overcoming adversity and a free-zone to revert to the second we have any disagreement on matters that don't even involve sexuality. They were functional, sexually adventurous and not in a "daddy/rapist issues" kinda way. But it always seemed like these women have a quick "don't go there" end zone to go into any time life gets tough. It was very annoying. But you ever question the validity or the alleged severity of the claim and Jesus Christ it's off with my head. Meh. These women embelish too much about their collegiate or high school "too drunk to consent, woke up with him on top of me and didn't stop him" and then label it rape and emotionally traumatizing. Women are much more sexually resilient/vindictive than they portray themselves to be. I'm not an advocate of males NOT exercising sexual self control around women, but the "rape" stories (and the perennial lingering emotional damage they claim) are a bit much.
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Old 10-12-2011, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Chicago
1,704 posts, read 1,576,013 times
Reputation: 1690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
I don't claim to know everything but the vast majority of women on online dating sites are broken goods, overweight or undesirable. Like i said, if you are an attractive woman,with a good personality, mentally stable, it does not matter if you dont go to bars or work a lot, there will always be men trying to approach you.
I really think you are just plain wrong about this. Of course, the only experience I truly know is my own, but I am not and never have been "damaged goods" yet I've never once been asked out or approached by someone in person. Ever. It has never happened. I used online dating and went on a lot of dates. It's the only way I ever dated, sadly, even though I was always out there and available.

Sure, I was/am about 10 pounds overweight, but I don't think that was ever really a huge issue. I don't think most people looked at me and thought "man, if she'd just drop 10 pounds she'd be awesome, but she sure is horrible now." My photo evidence... me as I looked when dating (these are from my wedding rehearsal dinner, I'm the one in the red dress):

http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v4146/5/104/1927285/n1927285_49513860_654698.jpg (broken link)

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v4146/5/104/1927285/n1927285_49513872_791721.jpg (broken link)

I obviously take issue with guys that say that if you're an average to good looking woman that men will just fall out of the sky to date you. It doesn't happen. When I was single I had a good job, was a homeowner, had a ton of interests, ran 5ks, had a lot of friends, etc. I still have/do all those things. To listen to some of the rants on this forum you'd think 10,000 suitors would have been lined up to date me, yet that was not reality at all. Dating was fun, but it wasn't super easy or anything. I definitely experienced plenty of disappointments.

And yes, someone gave us 2 snuggies as a wedding gift... they are pretty great and get used all the time. I thought they were funny then, and I still do now.
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Old 10-12-2011, 10:53 AM
 
2,096 posts, read 822,763 times
Reputation: 979
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikitakolata View Post
I really think you are just plain wrong about this. Of course, the only experience I truly know is my own, but I am not and never have been "damaged goods" yet I've never once been asked out or approached by someone in person. Ever. It has never happened. I used online dating and went on a lot of dates. It's the only way I ever dated, sadly, even though I was always out there and available.

Sure, I was/am about 10 pounds overweight, but I don't think that was ever really a huge issue. I don't think most people looked at me and thought "man, if she'd just drop 10 pounds she'd be awesome, but she sure is horrible now." My photo evidence... me as I looked when dating (these are from my wedding rehearsal dinner, I'm the one in the red dress):

I obviously take issue with guys that say that if you're an average to good looking woman that men will just fall out of the sky to date you. It doesn't happen. When I was single I had a good job, was a homeowner, had a ton of interests, ran 5ks, had a lot of friends, etc. I still have/do all those things. To listen to some of the rants on this forum you'd think 10,000 suitors would have been lined up to date me, yet that was not reality at all. Dating was fun, but it wasn't super easy or anything. I definitely experienced plenty of disappointments.

And yes, someone gave us 2 snuggies as a wedding gift... they are pretty great and get used all the time. I thought they were funny then, and I still do now.
Hi Nikita,

I won't discount your experiences, as I'm sure they are exactly as you state. Just keep in mind that you still had suitors. I think the major complaint here is the complete lack of interest and lack of responses from women when messages are sent. Whether it's these individual guys' fault or not, I don't know since I haven't seen their profiles. But in general, women have it easier on dating sites since they can sit back and decide whose responses to answer.

I've love to see an experiment using your pictures on Match.com or POF to see what kind of responses you receive in a major city. I am confident you would receive multiple emails, even your post doesn't suggest you received zero.

In regards to Repubocrat's viewpoints, true or not, I would be surprised if the average guy on these sites is thinking those things when viewing profiles.
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:17 AM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,788,223 times
Reputation: 2015
I'll chime in about lack of responses. For a long time I had the same problem, I'd send out individually written emails that would try to show I read their profile and why I thought we had some things in common. Then I'd ask more questions about them.

Then I actually got one of those emails from a girl. It was long. It was bullet pointed. It was boring and "professional". She seemed nice, I didn't see much interest in her profile at the time, but it made me think about how I was writing my emails. Then I noticed how people our age communicate now....texting. Short bursts of statements and questions, we even cut the wording down to "ur" and "dunno" and "wtf".

So I started just finding one quirky or funny or unique thing about their profile and then sending very short, non-intricate emails with humor.
Emails I've written that gained responses lately:

"You've gotten good at moving through security at the airport? What's your strategy....just when I think I'm going to beat my previous record I get tackled by security."

"What's with women and the finger mustache pictures?"

"You say you're pro-choice but against the death penalty...how does that make sense?"

"That's a big Corona!"

"How can you be alergic to air? How do you breathe?"

"I hope you put jelly with those peanut butter sandwiches!"


I say stop taking it so seriously. You're not writing cover letters, you're trying to initiate conversation. Just say something a little funny that is somewhat calling them out (not in a mean way, although some slightly mean things I've said have lead to a date or two as well if you can recover well). Show them you're funny and you're not so deadset on finding a girl right now and showing desperation. Just make funny conversation as it shows you're just making convo, not throwing yourself out there for them. Obviously by emailing them you're showing some interest, but by this method it makes them wonder if how interested you really are. That and you shouldn't be, you need to test HER out, get an idea if she has a sense of humor or not and is flexible. If she's over-sensitive I'd rather find out in the first email than on date 7.
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Chicago
1,704 posts, read 1,576,013 times
Reputation: 1690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
Hi Nikita,

I won't discount your experiences, as I'm sure they are exactly as you state. Just keep in mind that you still had suitors. I think the major complaint here is the complete lack of interest and lack of responses from women when messages are sent. Whether it's these individual guys' fault or not, I don't know since I haven't seen their profiles. But in general, women have it easier on dating sites since they can sit back and decide whose responses to answer.

I've love to see an experiment using your pictures on Match.com or POF to see what kind of responses you receive in a major city. I am confident you would receive multiple emails, even your post doesn't suggest you received zero.

In regards to Repubocrat's viewpoints, true or not, I would be surprised if the average guy on these sites is thinking those things when viewing profiles.
Yes, I did receive responses with online dating, that's how I met my husband. I live in a major city and was here when I did online dating as well. I usually got about 10 emails when I'd first sign up for a site, then the number would go down dramatically to only a couple a week. Most of the messages I got were "form" emails, where the guy had obviously not spent 20 seconds reading anything on my profile, and I ignored those emails. I think most women would.

I guess my point is that not all women on those sites are damaged, and it is disturbing to think that any of the men on them think that way. Hopefully you are correct and most don't. Normal women don't always get dates from their in person experiences. I never have. My friends are completely useless as a source of eligible people to date, always have been. I'm not sure why that is, but it's just how things are with the friends I have. It's still true today...

I think if the guys on here whining about how online dating doesn't work spent the required 5 minutes to write a 2 sentence message that reflected some aspect of the woman's profile, they would receive a lot more replies.

Of course, at the end of the day, I don't think I am the norm. I'm "normal," whatever that means, but not typical.
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Chicago
1,704 posts, read 1,576,013 times
Reputation: 1690
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
I say stop taking it so seriously. You're not writing cover letters, you're trying to initiate conversation. Just say something a little funny that is somewhat calling them out (not in a mean way, although some slightly mean things I've said have lead to a date or two as well if you can recover well). Show them you're funny and you're not so deadset on finding a girl right now and showing desperation. Just make funny conversation as it shows you're just making convo, not throwing yourself out there for them. Obviously by emailing them you're showing some interest, but by this method it makes them wonder if how interested you really are. That and you shouldn't be, you need to test HER out, get an idea if she has a sense of humor or not and is flexible. If she's over-sensitive I'd rather find out in the first email than on date 7.
I think you are totally right about this. Getting a 4 paragraph essay as a first message is too much; getting a message that say nothing besides "hey, what's up?" is too little. I think you've got the initial message thing right.
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Clovis NM, who knows where next?
1,870 posts, read 1,880,276 times
Reputation: 981
I believe most men choose this route only because they fear getting turned down or assaulted with mace in public.
I've gone for the gusto before and since things didn't pan out for myself, I just turn my back to this worthless battle in life.
Other fish to fry for the time-being and if a woman wants to be a real d!c k about things like simply being asked out, then I'll give her all the space she wants.
If this comes off as a rant, then fine.
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:31 AM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,788,223 times
Reputation: 2015
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikitakolata View Post
I think you are totally right about this. Getting a 4 paragraph essay as a first message is too much; getting a message that say nothing besides "hey, what's up?" is too little. I think you've got the initial message thing right.
Yeah I think you just have to think of it like you would approach a random person, you wouldn't talk in a huge paragraph format to someone and ramble off, would you?

Anyway, my problem is I almost always get a 2nd or 3rd date with women even though I think they know that it's not going to work (I'm usually unsure and leave it open to possibility further down the road like date 5 or 6 before I decide) but I'm in sales and I'm really easy to talk to. I've never really had an awkward date and I know how to get people to talk and laugh so I think women take this experience and decided to give it more of a shot only because they've either had a lot of weirdo emails or because they've been on some poor first dates. I'd rather have them walk as soon as possible because my time is valuable, but I don't get bothered by them waiting a couple dates to tell me that there isn't chemistry like I used to....instead I just plan dates that are more geared toward my interest rather than trying to accommodate hers. I know it sounds selfish, but when I know after date 1 that it's not going to go anywhere I let them know if they ask to go out again and I don't waste their time. If I'm not going to get the same respect back then date 2 or 3 is going to be a ball game and/or something fun that I enjoy and if she has a great time too and is interested in me then great. Otherwise it wasn't as much of a waste of my time.

But you also have to think of this as something that won't happen overnight, you have to account for chance and sometimes your chance won't come for a year or two or longer. Some people may find it really early, some people won't find that special someone until later in their life. Both timeframes have their benefits though.
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