Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Easy answer. You have to put yourself in the mindset of our hypothetical male cheater and think of what's most valuable to him. (Sex with multiple women)
-Most people don't think they are going to get caught.
-Even if he gets caught and she flips on him, at least he got sex on the regular for a while. For him, it's better to have sex and get caught later than never have sex at all. Being upfront risks his chances.
-Sex with multiple women trumps the guilt factor you referenced.
Being happy, single and improving yourself is not typically a primary concern of the average male cheater. Sex trumps all of this. Those things may be important to you, but if they were important to our cheater he wouldn't cheat.
If you know any male cheaters, run our views by them and see which one they agree with.
For the record, I refer to our hypothetical cheater as male because women have an easier time getting men to agree with open relationships. They cheat too, but have less necessity to do so unless they are in a marriage.
Well I guess its good I don't have that mindset. LOL
I just can't imagine even taking the risk to deal with the fallout.
I mean..i even start to think of all those totally crazy news stories...like..
"it" going into the garbage disposal after "it" was harvested from a sleeping cheater. YIKES!
I mean..lol...what THEN?
He lost the tools of the trade!
If sex trumps all...then why care who you are banging? Like..she doesn't have to be hot or anything like that. Of the people I have known that cheated it was just a dead relationship that they were in. They were more emotional type cheaters than pump and dump types. I think it is easier to deal with casual relationships instead of the weight of a real relationship too. Even if you were not cheating.
If the cheater was as you listed and really is only playing with people to get what they want they are not emotionally whole. So they are lacking a deeper happiness that can only be achieved through honesty. But then you also have those types who strait out have a personality disorder and this is how they operate. Those ones are strange to me.
I just think the path to happiness is being honest with who you are and to the people around you. You will still get laid without trickery. I do think that it is a myth that you won't. It just doesn't make sense these days with how open and sexual the modern woman has become.
If sex trumps all...then why care who you are banging?
Like..she doesn't have to be hot or anything like that. Of the people I have known that cheated it was just a dead relationship that they were in. They were more emotional type cheaters than pump and dump types. I think it is easier to deal with casual relationships instead of the weight of a real relationship too. Even if you were not cheating.
Hi Opsimathia,
The serial cheaters whose brains I've picked usually don't care who they are banging. Some have standards, but many will even bang mud ducks as long as she's a woman. I find that repulsive.
I agree with your philosophy of what's easier. But I'm not driven primarily by sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia
If the cheater was as you listed and really is only playing with people to get what they want they are not emotionally whole. So they are lacking a deeper happiness that can only be achieved through honesty. But then you also have those types who strait out have a personality disorder and this is how they operate. Those ones are strange to me.
Some seem just fine, but I agree that many aren't emotionally whole. One cheater I know, who regularly sleeps with extremely beautiful women, slept with a teacher as early as middle school. She even sent home faked permission slips and took him out of state for "field trips" and hotel stays. This was not an ugly woman, she was an extremely exotic woman from Mexico. She got pregnant for him while he was still a middle schooler. I think these experiences have warped his sexual identity.
The serial cheaters whose brains I've picked usually don't care who they are banging. Some have standards, but many will even bang mud ducks as long as she's a woman. I find that repulsive.
I agree with your philosophy of what's easier. But I'm not driven primarily by sex.
Some seem just fine, but I agree that many aren't emotionally whole. One cheater I know, who regularly sleeps with extremely beautiful women, slept with a teacher as early as middle school. She even sent home faked permission slips and took him out of state for "field trips" and hotel stays. This was not an ugly woman, she was an extremely exotic woman from Mexico. She got pregnant for him while he was still a middle schooler. I think these experiences have warped his sexual identity.
Yeh that kinda thing is like..looking for sanity in a madhouse. I don't think most people are in that deep. I think they get caught up in the release and thrill in most cases of normal cheaters who are not suffering from a pathological condition.
The biggest serial cheater I know is a woman. Her reason, coming from her mouth: "I have a crappy relationship at home, I'm neglected emotionally and physically and I'm not getting any!
The reasons are probably the same for most men. I'm sure some people are just dogs and want sex but I bet the vast majority are lacking something in theyre current relationship.
Most women have to be pursued, convinced, and coaxed to cheat.
[quote]
I grew up working in nightclubs & have worked in some from Califorina to Tennesse & women do NOT have to be coaxed to cheat on a man. Women can be just as bad as men can be when it comes to cheating.
It is less complicated than this...I have seen various polls, stats, shows and shows...
I get a few theme factors that all boil down to lack of communication and temperaments...
When I was on an online dating site...I had 40% of members contacting me whom were seeking an intimate relationship and they were open..They were in marriages..
Had I been another type of woman? Meaning had I not been cheated on in my marriage I would probably have a differing view,,,
Most men that contacted me stated that they were in a sexless marriage...Their respectives wives were happy to continue on in the relationship despite them telling their wives what they needed..
Men stating that they were having "Issues" in their marriage and they needed an outlet since they were very sexual..ect
YOU GET THE PIC...
I had one men state that he had married very young and right after they became pregnant and the child suffered from severe special needs...how he had to work all the time and anytime that was not spent at work was spent looking at his wife raising this kid..she had become asexual to him,,
This was heart breaking to me..since a child takes two...and if there is no talking? No relief? How could one parent decide to turn their back on a joint deal? What was his wife supposed to do? After dealing with their 12 year old autistic son whom still wore diapers? WAS she supposed to feel like a wild night of sex when her day primarily dealt with caring for their child?
Needless to say this was an extreme case but the message is the same..
Once a person in a marriage feels that their sexual needs or the need to feel intimate is not being met? TALK to your partner...have boundaries...state the issue...state the seriousness...
state the grave nature...tell it like it is..
If the partner is not on board? State the obvious..
Then after everything has been exhausted? It is time to follow through...
I had this man contact me stating he stated all this to his wife and she was content in not changing or wanting to work on things? And he stayed with his wife for the kids? And I should not judge him?
lol..IF WE ARE GOING BY STATS? It has been proven time and time again that CHILDREN would rather have two loving and healthy parents than two sick and damaged ones...
I tall boils down to respect, open communication and knowing when to say when..
There are probably many excuses why men cheat (and women). But I think it might boil down to the cheating partner not taking the relationship seriously. Once the cheater decides that no cheating will be allowed, there's usually no more cheating.
Live honestly and you will never cheat.
You won't hurt others or yourself. Relationships are optional just as cheating is optional.
Pick the option that you really want instead of lying about it and don't be afraid of who
you really are. If you are not into a relationship: face it, don't fake it.
I really appreciate that you mean well with this advice,and yes, anyone in a relationship who isn't "in to it" should face it and move on.
But the moving on can take time. And these kinds of situations can be so much more complicated, not so cut and dried as you imply
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
