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I am a 19 years old NYC college student. I stumbled upon this site and this thread after searching “Younger man, older woman” relationships because I have grown to like a 17 year old boy, a physically beautiful (looks 21), adorable, kind sweetheart, I went to High School with. I am a little surprised by my attraction to him because all through High School I only liked older (mid-20s to early 30s) men because those “boys my age were pre-pubescent looking and immature” compared to the oh-so-mature me. My perspective changed drastically when I entered college and realized how physically beautiful men 18-25 are. And in terms of maturity, they may have not much on men past 35, but neither do the women my age. All of us college students are basking in our new-found freedom yet intimidated in light of all its ensuing responsibilities, thrilled at the multitude of choices we have in our hands, our lives ours and only ours to sculpt and mold and live, and yet terrified of making mistakes to scar it deeply. We all take one step forward with a beer in our hands and dreams in our hearts and two steps back because we feel so small in this great grand world. And this uncertainly bred from inexperience holds true of the boys and girls alike. In fact, those “immature” boys are forgoing me today in terms of courage: my male friends are moving out of their parents’ houses permanently and signing up for tough night-long jobs. A lot of my female friends (myself included) are comparatively more dependent on our parents who coddle us more than they do our brothers. At this stage in my life I cannot imagine dating anyone seriously, let alone a man in his 40s.
I never treat people as objects or fetishes based on their age and would never put down someone who is older just because they are older. But commenters like QuickStudy178 and Free Beer really took me aback. I didn’t know I would lose my value as a person as I aged and my “ass was no longer firm”. Seriously? If you are going to sound like the frat-boys at my school, where is this maturity that you claim age has bestowed upon you? You too are old with sagging balls and receding hairlines and beer-guts and approaching dementia and Viagra usage. Putting down the women your age doesn’t give you the ability to have sex with me 7 times a night like your much younger counterparts can. Attacking women’s fertility doesn’t change the fact that you aren’t as fertile as your 20 year old self either.
But even given your advanced age, I still wouldn’t rule out an encounter with a much older man (hopefully not above 40 though) because I cherish people for enriching my life experiences regardless of our ages. Older people are not things to be discarded; they are the creators of this world, of us. I am not looking for a serious relationship right now but I would absolutely have a fling with a significantly older man as long as he appreciated me for the intelligent yet confused, inexperienced yet eager individual that I am. If in the process he enjoys my younger body I am very flattered. I’m imaging a good-looking 35 year old taking me on a week-long trip to Paris and reading William Blake with me, or giving me his perspective on the AIDS epidemic when he was a teen. We could listen to Led Zeppelin while he cooks for me after making love on his luxurious bed ;D. Fun, adventurous, short flings? I don’t discriminate! But if he puts down older women like they aren’t human or fetishizes my age, forget it. I consider that unfathomable immaturity.
But when I start looking for a lifetime companion in my mid-twenties, I doubt I will be considering men over 5 years older. My reasons for preferring men no more than 4-7 years older seriously:
-Socially unacceptable. I don’t know about other places, but in middle to upper class New York, significant age differences are frowned upon. Ulterior motives and creepiness are assumed. I cannot imagine introducing a 40 year old man to my parents or my young girlfriends who are already “grossed out” by my likeness of 30 year old non-celeb men.
-If I met a 43 year old man at 23, had a relationship with him, and married him at say 28 (because I have to focus on my education now if my dream of going to Medical School is ever to become my reality), I would be marrying someone who would need Viagra by the time I am 30 as per this WebMD article which states that “most Viagra users are men in their early-mid 50s and 40% of 40 year old men have some form of erectile dysfunction”. (Viagra: How Young Is Too Young?).
-I want one child of my own around the time I am 33. I don’t like men with kids so here’s assuming this is his first child too. He will be 53 when our child is born and 70+ when he/she graduates High-School! Why would any parent do this to their child?
-Fertility. The reason most men deride women past 35 is not something that evades men either. Sperm quality and quantity decline significantly with age. As per scientific findings (MALE biological clock: After 41, chance of becoming a father 'declines rapidly' | Mail Online), “the chances of pregnancy fell from 60 per cent at the father’s age of 41 to just 35 per cent for the 45-year-old fathers” and “children of older fathers also run an increased risk of heart defects, autism, schizophrenia and epilepsy, and are almost twice as likely to die before adulthood”. Men, like women, are most virile in their late-teens to mid-twenties. That is the age-group nature has bestowed optimum reproductive health on. Of course men don’t go through menopause or stop producing sperm entirely but they are not immune to declining fertility, ability, and health.
-There is a very high chance I will be taking care of a geriatric patient in my 50s and be widowed for a good two decades of my life because men die younger than women do. One of the primary reasons of marriage is to ensure companionship in your old age. It would be foolish to sign up for a dead husband before you are 60.
-Older men might be condescending towards a youngling like me because compared to him, I have much less experience and am hence prone to taking stupid chances. I dated a 22 year old last year when I was a freshman and as much as he adored me, even he rolled his eyes at things I did and was condescending. I see how older people view me (cute, adorable, naïve) and I am a pretty intelligent Columbia University student. I do not need paternalistic patronization from my lover.
-I am not sexually attracted to most older men. Most men look their physical best, are their strongest, have their most sexual stamina in their 20s. I absolutely admire the sophisticated, mature, intelligent look of 45+ year old men like George Clooney and Anderson Cooper. But the men I want to sweat naked with are Chace Crawford, Paul Wesley, and Gaspard Ulliel. Hmmmmmm….. And ever since my 17th birhday, my sex drive is off the charts; I cannot imagine how anyone 45+ can keep up with it.
The above are of course generalizations but these are the perspectives of college girls 18-23 (my friends, classmates, acquaintances) who come from educated families and usually don’t date beyond 25. Have the greatest holidays everyone! Sayonara!
reading some of the more active threads recently, i would like to get the perspective of females under 25. How many of you are interested in dating men 40+? Many men seem to want your age demographic, do you want theirs? Why or why not?
The reality is that most women would rather date people that are around their age. The advantage that many older men have in comparison to younger men is that they are generally more mature and established in their life and careers. However with all other things being equal, a 20 year old woman would rather date a younger man than someone past their prime.
I always knew this was the case. Not sure why some folks seem to think differently.
I am a 36 year old male, and age isn't too much of a factor. I do seem to be attracted to younger women but I have dated slightly older as well. I am very physically active, I take care of my body and I guess I just relate to women younger than me overall.(My pic is in my profile) In reality though, it just depends on the woman and her maturity/personality.
I am 25. Usually I prefer men of 25-35 years of age. I have briefly dated one guy earlier this year who is 41. It was a bit of an accident because the issue of age did not come up until the 3rd date. I don't know if I would've have gone out with him had I known of his age prior to dating him, but I certainly don't regret the experience. The age thing was never an issue.
All in all, I wouldn't be against dating a 40+ if we are compatible in every way, but I certainly wouldn't seek them out. Hope this helps.
Johnny Depp is 48 and lots of females in their 20's fantasize about him. I'm a 29 year old male and I'm old enough to realize people age differently, both physically and mentally. I dated a 37 year old woman when I was 23 and it was one of the best relationships I've ever had.
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. And ever since my 17th birhday, my sex drive is off the charts; I cannot imagine how anyone 45+ can keep up with it.
