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It's not just about who is doing the pursuing, but how. Flirting is an art form and if you push all the right buttons it is highly effective. I don't think you'll find too many men who are put off by a woman pursuing them.
I've made the first move with a few guys and things worked out just fine. The thing is - I'm not attracted to a guy based on just his looks. I have to get to know him a bit before I know that I'm interested in him. By the time I realize that I'm interested in him - I've usually sent out enough signals that I don't have to make the first move. These signals aren't necessarily intentional - I just tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so if I'm starting to get interested in someone - it can be pretty obvious. One guy that I asked out - I heard him speak - and he told a very personal story about himself. I had only had a few casual conversations with him but by listening to his speech - I knew I was interested in him. I was lucky and he remembered me and was interested in me, too.
Point being - for me, I don't just look at a guy and think - oh - I want that. I have to get to know someone first. This may be true for a lot of women - I can only speak for myself. Therefore, most times, I really don't get the opportunity to make the first move because by the time I think I'm interested in someone, they've already asked me out.
I think if you want something - you should go for it - regardless of gender. However, I think it's common that women don't "want" a guy until she gets to know him a little bit.
I think it's common that women don't "want" a guy until she gets to know him a little bit.
I agree. Sure there are men that catch my eye but it HAS to go deper than that to "want" him. My current SO, I met through a friend, and while he was cute at first glance, the evening we spent socializing and getting to know each other's personalities through conversation, was the real hook for both of us.
As long as she's attractive and doesn't come off as a total creep. I'm sure if Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox pursued a man, they wouldn't be turned off.
I've been pursued before. I've seen the real creepy approaches and the ones that actually step up their game and know what they're doing. Unfortunately, most that pursue fall into the former.
Bottom line, if you're attractive and don't use some cheesy line or any other stupid approach, you'll be fine.
Ah. So only attractive women should bother with pursuit. So...using your logic, only attractive MEN should pursue women as well. Hmmm...that doesn't bode well for a whole lotta people.
It's not just about who is doing the pursuing, but how. Flirting is an art form and if you push all the right buttons it is highly effective. I don't think you'll find too many men who are put off by a woman pursuing them.
Exactly. Confidence gets you places and that includes confident women. An average looking woman that is confident and carries herself well will get much further than a passive attractive woman.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I've made the first move with a few guys and things worked out just fine. The thing is - I'm not attracted to a guy based on just his looks. I have to get to know him a bit before I know that I'm interested in him. By the time I realize that I'm interested in him - I've usually sent out enough signals that I don't have to make the first move. These signals aren't necessarily intentional - I just tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so if I'm starting to get interested in someone - it can be pretty obvious. One guy that I asked out - I heard him speak - and he told a very personal story about himself. I had only had a few casual conversations with him but by listening to his speech - I knew I was interested in him. I was lucky and he remembered me and was interested in me, too.
And contrary to popular belief, guys don't place 100% value on looks. A woman can be attractive but if she has no personality, hobbies, and is a passive individual, she'll get overlooked for a more confident and personable woman every time.
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Point being - for me, I don't just look at a guy and think - oh - I want that. I have to get to know someone first. This may be true for a lot of women - I can only speak for myself. Therefore, most times, I really don't get the opportunity to make the first move because by the time I think I'm interested in someone, they've already asked me out.
I don't look at a woman and think I want that either. She has to show she has a good personality. Looks alone doesn't cut it. Plenty of people have good looks but absolutely nothing after that.
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I think if you want something - you should go for it - regardless of gender. However, I think it's common that women don't "want" a guy until she gets to know him a little bit.
Agree with the first part, not so much the second. A highly desirable male will have women that "want" him. He didn't get that way because women want to get to know him a little bit. They want him, period.
Interesting thread. I've turned down plenty of sex..... from women who I wasn't enthusiastic to be with. These women only offered themselves because they privately saw being with me as dating UP. I've never been propositioned sex by a woman whom made me feel *I* was dating up. This doesn't surprise me either, for full disclosure. In my early 20s I attempted to seek the attention of the archetypes I considered "dating up". It was tiring and ultimately unsuccessful. They generally didn't view me as good enough. But to openly suggest men don't turn down sex with non-repulsive women at all, is just a fallacy.
Perhaps not surprisingly, I've only engaged in relationships with women who have shown active interest in me. I haven't been successful nor do I presently prefer to pursue women for whom their level of enthusiasm for being with me isn't but outright apparent. I believe when it comes to human chemistry, 'clowning' is not ultimately a successful strategy. The 'chase' is in my view a derivative of 'clowning'. Furthermore, in my experience it is nothing more but ego stroking for women, and I do not believe it [clowning] has any relevant impact on a woman's baseline enthusiasm for being with and being seen with the man in question. I really believe a woman will be attracted to a man whether he clowns for her or not. I know that for a fact, as I didn't clown for any of my long term relationships/marriage. The fact that I wasn't thrilled with their looks or personal archetype does not take away from the fact that we were able to develop relationships where I did not do one iota of clowning, which proves my point.
[The] Men [who choose to] chase because they get the same sense of entertainment value as women get from the dynamic, because we all very well know nobody attains any positive value out of the constant rejection which is inherent to always 'clowning' for your desired mate. Once again, I do not believe clowning shapes a woman's ultimate interest for said man. She ultimately wants what she wants in the very irrational and with the same chemical specificity that men are attracted to the particular archetype they are innately attracted to. Clowning is for the birds. It also sets a very dangerous long-term precedent in that it validates a constant of "fighting for your time" that cannot be eternally sustained. Thence, this goes in congruence with the failure rate in monogamy as seen by the divorce rate and other metrics. If we are to accept that most men cave to women's desire for clowning, eventually these men tire of such effort and women then frown and justify their emotional exit stage with it. It's just a bad precedent, which is why I don't sponsor such behavior in my personal life.
But if we're going to limit the discussion to sports----cking, then yes, by virtue of that end goal, I wouldn't reject a single sexual advance from any woman.
My financial security is well established as an unaccompanied man; I don't need companionship to survive. Therefore I will continue to wait for a woman that shares the same level of enthusiasm and attraction as I desire, which is a new approach to life from my unsuccessful 20s (I turned 30 and got picky, go figure). No amount of pursuit on my part will affect that dynamic. If that puts me in the column of "like BEING pursued" then so be it.
I truly believe in the inverted pyramid concept, that is to say, women's self-sense of social currency diminishes with age, whereas men's social currency is low in their 20s and increases as they age. By that measure I will be increasingly seen as more attractive in my 30s than I was seen in my 20s, purely as a function of competition. This is all driven by male's ability to procreate without risk well into their 40s vis-a-vis women's inability to do so as a collective. So at least in theory, women's sense of their sexual market value begins to become more grounded and start resembling the more typical 20some male's "good enough/best from the available" criterion when it comes to accepting companionship. To each their own and all that jazz, but I'm banking on that theory to carry me home. Either way I ain't clowning for no one.
Ah. So only attractive women should bother with pursuit. So...using your logic, only attractive MEN should pursue women as well. Hmmm...that doesn't bode well for a whole lotta people.
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If I'm attracted to her, sure. She doesn't have to look like a model.
Not a problem. And I think it's more like most guys, it is not a problem either. Just that the guys that complain about it are more vocal on forums.
Not sure what you mean.
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And the thing is, the guys that have no problem with it are going to get their pickings, because they will go after it and .....action will beat out inaction every time.
Agreed, though the guys who go after it more aggressively do so because they know that have a pretty good chance of success.
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Girls not going after a guy and relaying on the guy to notice them and make a play are limiting themselves. If you want something, you go get it.
Yeah, which is why women shouldn't have a problem being the aggressor.
I already told you the conclusion I've come to after a lifetime of experience. That's why I don't believe in male "friends." A moment has come with every single one of them when they wanted more. Sometimes it's taken longer than a decade. Men do not care to be "friends" with women they don't find appealing deep down.
You're right.
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