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Old 10-23-2011, 04:33 PM
 
17,574 posts, read 16,361,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
[i]I'm of the firm belief that all crap in one's life is never undue. Every experience is brought about by our thoughts, our attitudes and/or a decision we made previously. Or a decision that lead to a decision that lead to a decision.....
I have to disagree with this. Wholeheartedly. "Undue" means "excessive", or "unjustifiable". I know a few people whose lives have been burdened with excessive and unjustifiable "crap", and they humble me with how they not only manage, but stay positive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
I'm not even speaking of cases of, say, child abuse where the victim is at the complete mercy of an adult. I'm talking about things like why a good person ends up in one bad relationship after another, why a hard-working person can't keep a job, why people seem to dislike someone who never causes trouble or anything, but gets dissed socially just the same....things like that.[/b]
Okay, well now you are talking about people that simply make bad decisions. And we all know that there are plenty of those around.
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I have to disagree with this. Wholeheartedly. "Undue" means "excessive", or "unjustifiable". I know a few people whose lives have been burdened with excessive and unjustifiable "crap", and they humble me with how they not only manage, but stay positive.



Okay, well now you are talking about people that simply make bad decisions. And we all know that there are plenty of those around.
Heck, you'll find them by the boxcar on this forum. Every day there seems to be a new train wreck. But then they get ticked off when you point out that the role they have in their own troubles.
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
But then they get ticked off when you point out that the role they have in their own troubles.

Like they female poster and the date she cancelled 3 hours before. We told her she was just as much at fault as the guy(he was a loser in her defense) and she threw a fit.
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Oh, and let's not forget, you're also allegedly religious! A plethora of empathy, sympathy, and particularly humility in you! Comes to prove for the umpteenth time my opinion of that crock! Can't imagine how you never get tired of these tirades about your own perfection! I know just about everybody else is, even if they're not as vocal.

One doesn't even have to be the subject of any thread in order to be disgusted!
What the hell? Someone get out of bed on the wrong side?
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:47 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
4,438 posts, read 2,528,741 times
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Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
If a guy--or woman for that matter--who was once sweet, sensitive and easy-going by nature loses that due to a long, unhappy marriage, do you think they can ever get it back once they're free of what made them that way? Or do those bitter years kind of redefine them and imbed themselves in that person for life? Generally speaking....I know there are always exceptions to everything.
I think we are products of our life experiences...I would think the shorter time you were exposed to the mistreatment the better you are able to get over it.Long term unhappiness can be helped through good therapy and owning up to ones role in the unhappy relationship!
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
It's possible. Because bitterness is really laziness at its heart, the decision to stew on what's wrong in one's life rather than actually do something about it.

Or fear.
I watched a really cool documentary on love the other day and they simply defined fear as being the opposite of love.

They also stated that you get hurt when you are "not" being vulnerable. At first that seemed wrong as it would seem like you are at more risk of being hurt. However, the more I thought about it I realized that being jaded and bitter hurts you the most as you are not really open or available for love completely.

I'm not sure if I agree that being bitter is being lazy...I think some people are just more prone to reacting to life that way. I also think as we learn about life at an early age...we are socialized to react in certain ways. And "those" paradigms and behaviors are very ingrained into our psyches.
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Pa
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So this is the thread Chow was talking about. Interesting.....
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:04 PM
 
Location: tampa bay
4,438 posts, read 2,528,741 times
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Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I don't really care enough to research all your past posts but, yes, there is a pattern. You love to weigh in with your indignation on everything as well, and throw in snide comments at a pretty rapid clip. I suppose that's fair, because this is a message board, and the entire point of this forum is to elicit opinions. The problem is that when somebody voices an opinion you don't like, they're suddenly holier-than-thou. When somebody actually dares to say that their own life is going well, then suddenly it's because of dumb luck.

Look, here's the deal. I love my wife and children and I keep them first in my heart, even if I vent from time to time about the general busyness of family life, and they love me back. I have my friends because I am a good friend to them, and have been relied upon by others when they have faced tough times. I have worked incredibly hard and taken the occasional calculated risk, which has paid off in my life. I have made prudent financial decisions, saved money, and tried to do nothing that would screw up the good thing I have. In that sense, the fact that I don't have any drama in my life is no coincidence. I don't have substance abuse issues, I've never stepped out on my wife, and I've known as an honest guy in my business dealings who puts more into a job than what's been asked.

What's more, I've never claimed perfection. In fact, I've made big personal and professional mistakes in my life. But I picked myself up off the floor and rectified my errors. To me, that's why I'm where I am, semi-retired at 49 with a nice stable of clients who respect the work I do. Call me self-satisfied all you like, but I am content with my life and actually get up every morning looking forward to the day.

Now, that could all change tomorrow. I might be diagnosed with a dread disease or simply drop dead of a heart attack. Something terrible could happen to one of my children or my wife. But those are things I can't do much about. All I can do is to try to do the right things day after day.

Which brings us back to the topic of this thread. Your happiness is a decision. Your current life is a result of your decisions. If life hasn't worked the way you thought it would, it's not because you had awful parents. It's not because the world conspired against you. It's likely because you made choices in life that were not the best ones, in your education, your career, your friends, and your relationship. I've seen way too many people who came home every day, camped out in front of the television, and couldn't understand why his or her spouse became distant or even left. I've seen way too many people who blew every dime they made on new cars, new clothes, and expensive vacations, and then couldn't understand why they have such chronic money troubles. I've seen too many people whose manifest personality flaws keep them from advancing in their careers, but would rather instead write off their professional problems to 'office politics.' And the list goes on.

Sure, random things happen even when one does everything right in life. Yet even when terrible things happen (And believe me, they've happened to me), your measure as a person is how you deal with those problems. And to be bitter and cynical isn't just pointless. It's to deny the basic truth that you control most of what happens in your own life and you are the author of your happiness. And if you think I'm arrogant for point it out, then so be it.
While I agree the secret to life is choice...and we are decisions we make...I have seen loved ones make all the seemingly right moves in terms of education,relationships and lifestyle and still somehow wind up devastated!Really you can control some of what happens in life...but what sometimes you have no control over can really bite you in the a$$.It is really great for you that your life has worked out well... but you come off a little insensive to those that have also lived good and honorable lives and haven't had your experience!
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:08 PM
 
5,501 posts, read 2,305,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
I'd like to believe this and will stick with it. This person was very sweet and light-hearted before. I still see glimpses of it but they hold back. More reserved than I ever dreamed they'd be.
Your friend is blessed to have a friend like you. For some healing takes time but I know from experience...that having someone who believes in goodness and patience, helps tremendously in gaining back the person they once were before the bitter experience.
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:09 PM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,513,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
All I can do is to try to do the right things day after day.
I know you are not trying to convince me of anything but I am convinced of what you write.

However, I wanted to add my opinion that bitterness does not always result from laziness. At least it was not for me. I didn't realize that since I was born, I was not set up for success and as an adult, I did not know how to set myself up for success. Sure, I was able to gain employment and stay employed but as you said, I could not advance in my career.

This lack of knowledge about setting up for success became very obvious when I had to start disciplining my daughter. I was doing what I was taught but it felt "wrong". Then I was shown a different way. A way that was considered "spoiling" in my culture. In fact, there are aspects of my discipline that were never considered an option.

Why am I bringing this up? Because, while it is true that I make my bed today, my family was responsible for teaching me how to make my bed. Let me just say that 2 years ago, a hotel would not have hired me to make their beds.

I am not blaming my family for not teaching me what I know now. How could I? They didn't know themselves because if they did, they would have taught me.

You are right, it is not luck, it is help.
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