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Four months into a relationship and she's already talking about marriage, kids, and a home?
At 22 years of age?
RUN!
P.S. Pregnancies don't "just happen" and "she might just get pregnant before you want her to." If you don't want her to get knocked up, you'd best be wrapping that rascal and insisting she use a female form of contraception.
I am. And this is exactly what I'm trying to say, 22 years old and she's thinking about those things. Can we be in a relationship for at least a year, two maybe before we have to start figuring that stuff out? Why does it seem like I'm stringing her along or not taking the issue seriously? I'm being realistic, I just met this girl.
So I was talking to my girlfriend over the weekend, and we were discussing the future and stuff, where do you see yourself in five years, blah blah, that type of crap.
Anyway, she starts talking about buying a house together, eventually, kids, the whole family deal and I'm just entertaining her at this point. What's the deal with women always planning out the future? Can't we just enjoy each other's company w/out having to think about little Bernard and little Rosemary? I feel like I should tell her that she can enjoy life while she cans. After all, 22 years old...has her whole life ahead of her, why settle at such a young age. Am I wrong?
I'm gun shy on marriage. You read about the divorce rates and stuff, and I'm not suggesting that will happen to me, but it does scare me off a bit. It's like the odds are against me in having a successful marriage.
Edit: She's already thrown the Love word around. We're like 4 months into it, that's another topic for another day, why does it seem like women fall in love earlier than men, but the point remains...I just think it's too early for her to start thinking about kids and stuff. It's hard work, you don't pop a kid and that's it. It's 18 years of financial (!!!!), emotional support.
FYI: My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over this by the way. She's 2 years older than me, thought she had the world figure dout. Wanted kids and the whole deal and I wasn't ready. I'm still not. If I had to go back and do it over again, I would.
So your talking about the future and she states marriage and family is what she wants in her future. You "entertain" her goals although this is not what you want, and you are upset that she is discussing where she sees herself in 5 yrs.?
You are right to be gun shy on marriage when you cant be honest with your partner about something so important to both your futures. It obvious you dont want marriage and kids for a while, it ever. Why dont you just tell her that is not where you see yourself and you have different goals in life.
So I was talking to my girlfriend over the weekend, and we were discussing the future and stuff, where do you see yourself in five years, blah blah, that type of crap. Let me preface by saying that I do see a future with her, but that doesn't mean that tomorrow I want to have kids and get married. You don't rush into a situation like that. Mind you, **** happens where she might just get pregnant before you want her to, and that's life. So...whatever.
Anyway, she starts talking about buying a house together, eventually, kids, the whole family deal and I'm just entertaining her at this point. I'm flattered that I am considered father/husband material, but at the same time, these convos are always downright scary. She's 22 years old, I'm 26, it's not like she's 34 and her clock is ticking. I figure she has 10+ years before having a baby becomes increasingly difficult. What's the deal with women always planning out the future? Can't we just enjoy each other's company w/out having to think about little Bernard and little Rosemary? I feel like I should tell her that she can enjoy life while she cans. After all, 22 years old...has her whole life ahead of her, why settle at such a young age. Am I wrong?
I'm gun shy on marriage. You read about the divorce rates and stuff, and I'm not suggesting that will happen to me, but it does scare me off a bit. It's like the odds are against me in having a successful marriage.
Edit: She's already thrown the Love word around. We're like 4 months into it, that's another topic for another day, why does it seem like women fall in love earlier than men, but the point remains...I just think it's too early for her to start thinking about kids and stuff. It's hard work, you don't pop a kid and that's it. It's 18 years of financial (!!!!), emotional support.
FYI: My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over this by the way. She's 2 years older than me, thought she had the world figure dout. Wanted kids and the whole deal and I wasn't ready. I'm still not. If I had to go back and do it over again, I would.
It's called biology. Our hormones are designed to ensure survival of the species. A women in her "breeding years" is apt to think of little else. Unless she has the intelligence and wisdom to understand that our biology is not our destiny. You will discover that the more intelligent a woman is, the more likely she is to be childfree or at the very least, to put off her reproductive years until later. This is also another reason why the LION share of unwed mothers are of lower socio-economic status.
By the way your statement that an "accidental" pregnancy might occur is very disturbing. Aside from birth control failure (which happens only about .9 percent of the time), there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy.
It's called biology. Our hormones are designed to ensure survival of the species. A women in her "breeding years" is apt to think of little else. Unless she has the intelligence and wisdom to understand that our biology is not our destiny. You will discover that the more intelligent a woman is, the more likely she is to be childfree or at the very least, to put off her reproductive years until later. This is also another reason why the LION share of unwed mothers are of lower socio-economic status.
By the way your statement that an "accidental" pregnancy might occur is very disturbing. Aside from birth control failure (which happens only about .9 percent of the time), there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy.
20yrsinBranson
I just made the comment b/c I speak from personal experience. A friend of mine is a father as a result...I'm not really sure what happened. I didn't really ask, but he said he wrapped it up every time. Someone messed up there.
Some people have different goals and milestones. Some women want to marry young and raise kids right away, others want to hold off family until they have established careers. If you two value different things right now and you don't see a long-term future (or haven't planned on it) then it's probably better to find someone else who shares your values. Otherwise this could end messily.
She wants to have a family and you want someone to keep having sex with without having a family. This difference will only cause you to be uber paranoid and if she does happen to turn up pregnant, you'll be resentful and blame her and she will be shocked and hurt at your attitude and rejection of both her and the baby. Smarten up and see the writing on the wall. You two think too differently. Don't end up on the Maury Povich show.
I did the blah blah part because I'm lazy and didn't really want to write it all out. It was a very serious conversation, it went back and forth for about a good hour or so. I take it very seriously, kids and marriage isn't a game to me. Am I wrong when I said something about the divorce rates and stuff? I just don't want to be another statistic, that's all. I'm not suggesting in any way that I have no confidence in my marriage working out. All I'm saying is that when I read about stuff like that, I pause. If I get married, I want it to work.
I think it's great that you take marriage/kids very seriously. It's not something that should be taken lightly.
I don’t want to rain on your parade but there is no way to guarantee 100% that your marriage won’t fail. However, I believe you get out of a marriage what you put into it. Marriage takes effort, not just at the beginning, but always. If you want it to work, you make every effort to make it work, make conscious efforts to do whatever you can to support and encourage your partner and your partnership, you don't just sit back and let it run off in a ditch. Of course, the variable is that both people in the marriage need to do this. If you have that, you should have a greater chance of success, IMO.
I also don’t think it’s good to operate out of fear, or worry about things that haven’t yet happened. You never know what curve balls life will throw your way. You can only live in the moment and make good choices now, which should help you in the future, but nothing is guaranteed.
I am. And this is exactly what I'm trying to say, 22 years old and she's thinking about those things. Can we be in a relationship for at least a year, two maybe before we have to start figuring that stuff out? Why does it seem like I'm stringing her along or not taking the issue seriously? I'm being realistic, I just met this girl.
And also says I understand somewhat where you're coming from...LOL---I'm one of those happily married folk you always read about here, but my 'happiness' comes with a caveat---
If you don't believe that you're ready for marriage/kids/etc, then by all means, don't do it...I for one wouldn't be mad atcha, because I am fully aware that what works for me, doesn't and won't always work for someone else---plain and simple...you are fully entitled to enjoy your youth, to whatever extent you choose, and there is absolutely NO LAW ANYWHERE that says 'you must marry, procreate, and settle down for life by X age'...this is real life, not 'Logan's Run', where you get offed by a certian age to help population control, or some other Draconian rule LOL
The most important thing is, though---TELL the young lady EXACTLY what you're feeling and why...be straightforward about it...overcome whatever fear you may have, and lay your cards on the table...she may or may not want to stay with you once you tell her, but TELL her---don't put her thorugh any guessing games...as I said before, you have the right to enjoy your youth, but also, if and when the time comes that you DO want to marry, or have a child, or even stay single, then you will be better prepared...
I am. And this is exactly what I'm trying to say, 22 years old and she's thinking about those things. Can we be in a relationship for at least a year, two maybe before we have to start figuring that stuff out? Why does it seem like I'm stringing her along or not taking the issue seriously? I'm being realistic, I just met this girl.
At your age, yep, you should be in a relationship for at least a year before you even start figuring that stuff out.
It's one thing to know that you'd like to have a family "someday" and have that in the back of your head. I'm not saying that she's too young to have that general idea. But four months is too fast to talk about having those things with you. She doesn't know you well enough to make that determination, just as you--rightly--realize that you don't know her well enough to make that determination about her, either.
Thing is, you are mature enough to understand this. She isn't. That she would even consider this a good time to get specific speaks to her immaturity. The great irony is that such immaturity disqualifies her from making a serious run at marriage.
Not for nothing, but this kind of thing highlights the difference in maturity between the early 20s and the mid-20s for most people. So much changes throughout your 20s. Although you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, for her sake, I hope she puts the brakes on. I can't tell you how many women my age (mid-40s) either get divorced or stay in miserable marriages until the kids are grown and out of the house and tell me, "I don't even know who I am anymore. I've been taking care of kids and a husband my whole adult life and never had a chance to find out."
So I was talking to my girlfriend over the weekend, and we were discussing the future and stuff, where do you see yourself in five years, blah blah, that type of crap. Let me preface by saying that I do see a future with her, but that doesn't mean that tomorrow I want to have kids and get married. You don't rush into a situation like that. Mind you, **** happens where she might just get pregnant before you want her to, and that's life. So...whatever.
Anyway, she starts talking about buying a house together, eventually, kids, the whole family deal and I'm just entertaining her at this point. I'm flattered that I am considered father/husband material, but at the same time, these convos are always downright scary. She's 22 years old, I'm 26, it's not like she's 34 and her clock is ticking. I figure she has 10+ years before having a baby becomes increasingly difficult. What's the deal with women always planning out the future? Can't we just enjoy each other's company w/out having to think about little Bernard and little Rosemary? I feel like I should tell her that she can enjoy life while she cans. After all, 22 years old...has her whole life ahead of her, why settle at such a young age. Am I wrong?
I'm gun shy on marriage. You read about the divorce rates and stuff, and I'm not suggesting that will happen to me, but it does scare me off a bit. It's like the odds are against me in having a successful marriage.
Edit: She's already thrown the Love word around. We're like 4 months into it, that's another topic for another day, why does it seem like women fall in love earlier than men, but the point remains...I just think it's too early for her to start thinking about kids and stuff. It's hard work, you don't pop a kid and that's it. It's 18 years of financial (!!!!), emotional support.
FYI: My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over this by the way. She's 2 years older than me, thought she had the world figure dout. Wanted kids and the whole deal and I wasn't ready. I'm still not. If I had to go back and do it over again, I would.
I suppose it is timming because men also do think about marriage and kids. Your timming is not the same than with the women you have dated. What is wrong with thinking about the future kids, a house, etc? That is what you call planning your life. Maybe you do not know what you want yet, great but that is nothing wrong with women and for that matter to think on those terms. Mabye you will never think about marriage, children, etc. Some men and women never live life that way, they just live life as it comes and not think much abou the future in any ways or at most in some areas and the rest, whatever. Take care.
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