Why did you divorce? (young, separate, college, friends)

[Atlguy39]

Its taken me 3 years to figure it out in a way I can anser the question in a short and succinct manner. So here it is:

I couldn't communicate effectively and my wife didn't feel loved. Part of that is on me and part of it is on her for not dealing with childhood issues. She knew who she was marrying. I did change, but it was after she left and it was too late for the marriage. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. If I ever get another chance, I'll be the husband I should have been the first time, which is more loving and expressive. There will never again be a doubt that the woman I am with is loved by me.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

Its taken me 3 years to figure it out in a way I can anser the question in a short and succinct manner. So here it is:

I couldn't communicate effectively and my wife didn't feel loved. Part of that is on me and part of it is on her for not dealing with childhood issues. She knew who she was marrying. I did change, but it was after she left and it was too late for the marriage. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. If I ever get another chance, I'll be the husband I should have been the first time, which is more loving and expressive. There will never again be a doubt that the woman I am with is loved by me.

It's a common misconception to think that all divorced people are proud of their divorce. I'm sure there are some divorcees who are quite proud to have ridden themselves of their terrible ex-spouse, but some people just feel regret that they couldn't make it work. And because of that, they will be better spouses in the future.

[animalcrazy]

A long time ago my husband moved me to California from the Chicago area. We had some sort of disagreement and he was out all night. It wasn't hard to put 2+2 together. I loaded up a uhaul, cleaned out the bank account (about 10k), towed my car behind the truck, and drove 3 days with my cat and dog back home. I left him with his truck, 100 dollars, and a couple pieces of furniture I couldn't fit in the truck. I asked him to file for divorce in California which was no fault at the time and told him I would pay for it, which I never did. I've been married for 26 yrs. to the love of my life and although I couldn't see it at the time, he did me the biggest favor of my life. I was able to thank him for that through a mutual friend about 5 years ago. He told our friend that he still thinks of me and I told our friend to tell him how happy I am and how much better off I was without him and thank you. Divorce can be a good thing.

[theoldnorthstate]

after 24 years of marriage, not saying all was well, my husband told me that he had reached the pinnacle of his career and no longer needed me and not to expect him to have any participation in the home or family. He was too tired with work and his mother.

So I divorced him, with his agreement; and there we are.

[jasper12]

My husband had a job, not unlike "Donnie Brasco". He was never home, he had a job where he lied all the time, and so he also lied at home. He lied to me all the time, about everything. I just kept ignoring it. He started ignoring me, sleeping in his own room, I found out he was having affairs, he was not even discrete. At what point is it not even a marriage? Why bother with counseling, when one person has obviously just checked out? I kept an immacualte home, never argued with him, bothered him, or even expected anything from him, I worked, made money, was thin, attractive, and he still treated me like crap. He did not deserve me. I left. It was funny when I left, I told him I wanted a divorce, he told me I would not get a dime. That was fine. I did not care. I just wanted to be away from him. I filed the paperwork, asked for nothing. He still wanted to fight, about what? It just did not occur to him that I just no longer wanted anything to do with him. So, then he wanted full custody of the kids. Okay. Ha ha!! He expected a fight from me about that...then he wanted child support, okay. The funny thing was, he then "changed" his mind, about the kids...they were living with me anyway, he barely knew their names. He just wanted a fight. Idiot.

I look back on the whole mess, and just shake my head.

[crisan]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

Its taken me 3 years to figure it out in a way I can anser the question in a short and succinct manner. So here it is:

I couldn't communicate effectively and my wife didn't feel loved. Part of that is on me and part of it is on her for not dealing with childhood issues. She knew who she was marrying. I did change, but it was after she left and it was too late for the marriage. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. If I ever get another chance, I'll be the husband I should have been the first time, which is more loving and expressive. There will never again be a doubt that the woman I am with is loved by me.

This is precisely what I thought would happen to my husband and me. We also suffered from the same issues. I am glad I figured out that it was how we communicated that was killing the marriage.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by crisan

This is precisely what I thought would happen to my husband and me. We also suffered from the same issues. I am glad I figured out that it was how we communicated that was killing the marriage.

My wife didn't care enough to stick it out like you did. Glad you did.

[crisan]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

My wife didn't care enough to stick it out like you did. Glad you did.

I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out. However, it seems that you learned very important lessons from it that you could use in your favor.

[Deja Vu Again]

I found out after 7 years of marriage that he had been living a double life. He travelled a lot so I had no idea he had a girl in every city including one in the same city that was also married. Way too much damage in my opinion, I ran, not walked from that marriage. Best thing I ever did.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by animalcrazy

A long time ago my husband moved me to California from the Chicago area. We had some sort of disagreement and he was out all night. It wasn't hard to put 2+2 together. I loaded up a uhaul, cleaned out the bank account (about 10k), towed my car behind the truck, and drove 3 days with my cat and dog back home. I left him with his truck, 100 dollars, and a couple pieces of furniture I couldn't fit in the truck. I asked him to file for divorce in California which was no fault at the time and told him I would pay for it, which I never did.

Was that supposed to sound good...?