In-laws bring their own food and utensils when they visit (wife, mother-in-law)

[phonelady61]

I just had a friend call me and she said she felt kind of bad about calling me since I had been so sick recently . Well anyway she was talking about how her in laws treat her while in her home . Whenever they have a family gathering in her home , the in laws bring all their own utensils , paper plates and cups and they also bring their own food . In other words she feels shunned by them and I cannot imagine having to deal with ppl like that . She has talked to her husband about it and he says his mother is a germa phobe and she cannot help it . I think that is so rude and frankly if my inlaws treated me like that , they would be told that they are not welcome in my home . my inlaws are great by the way and i just love my mil cause she taught my husband really well and how to be good to a wife .How would all of you handle this ?

[jambo101]

People come in all different packages with all manner of idiosyncrasies. if your inlaws are germaphobes and want to bring all their own stuff i wouldnt take it so seriously/personally as if it makes them happy and theres no other problems just chalk it up as them being kinda weird..

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Guests I didn't have to feed or clean up after? Sounds great!

[AlaMommy]

I'd just except the excuse and let it slide. I consider myself slightly germaphobic and can see what the MIL is thinking. My mom also hates eating other peoples food... you never know what their cooking hygiene is like! I know my brother has poor cooking hygiene!

And as another poster said. It's saving her from doing some dishes and will save her money on food as she doesn't have to make as much.

[Penguin_ie]

Not sure how this is a parenting issue?

I would be a bit annoyed too. If the family are really germaphobes that bad, then they can do the cooking etc and just go to their house?

[peppermint]

My MIL licks her fingers while preparing and doesn't wash her hands before cooking. It's gross, but I don't feel like I can say anything as the DIL. She's already made snarky comments about me being a "clean freak" so I just don't watch while she cooks. My husband has a fabulous immune system so I tell myself maybe she's "helping me". Lame, I know.

My husband's grandma (his mom's MIL) wouldn't eat off his mom's plates and stuff. I didn't blame her. Yuck! (I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED my grandmother-in-law!)

I'm not saying that your friend is like my MIL. Maybe her MIL has OCD. My dad has it. They can't help it. Either way, I'd just let it go. I'd tell myself she's got an illness (like OCD) and just let it go.

[Mikala43]

In the grand scheme of life, why get upset at a germaphobe? I too would be happy for guests with no cooking or cleaning.

[bouncethelight]

Originally Posted by peppermint

Maybe her MIL has OCD. My dad has it. They can't help it. Either way, I'd just let it go. I'd tell myself she's got an illness (like OCD) and just let it go.

I agree with the quote above. If her husband is telling your friend that his Mom is a germaphobe, then she should believe him. No one would make up something like that! And if it's full blown OCD, then you can bet the Mother-in-law is experiencing LOTS of turmoil just being in their house. So if she's found a way to manage her fear, by bringing her own food and paper plates? That should be applauded - not condemned.

Your friend needs to get over it, and accept that the woman is probably doing the best she can - and may be in more pain that she lets on.

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom

Guests I didn't have to feed or clean up after? Sounds great!

No kidding..but if she is going to bring her own food, she damn well better bring enough for everybody!!

[Whyte Byrd]

OCD is a sickness. How do you get angry at someone for being sick? Let it roll off your back.