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Old 10-30-2011, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,460 posts, read 3,700,599 times
Reputation: 4359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Yes, his A$$ was boring, but I settled, I was a divorced mom with kids, yep, and the line was not very long to marry me with the baggage. I had no problem finding guys, but when they heard about the kids. WELL.... anyway, my A$$ is horny and bored. oops, the wine is getting to me.
Sounds like you never really wanted him all that much in the first place. Poor guy. I guess the question now is, would you rather be alone and go to all the parties you want or try to be happy with the boring guy you settled for?
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Old 10-30-2011, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
8,419 posts, read 14,337,714 times
Reputation: 10643
Get a life and start doing things on your own. By all means invite him and make sure he knows you want him to go. But if he declines, go alone. And have a good time.

After a while, one of four things will happen.

1) You will decide life is better without him.
2) You will decide it's not worth the effort and you would rather stay home.
3) He will decide it's better to find a happy medium and go/do with you at least part of the time.
4) He will decide life is better without you.

You are forcing the both of you to change. You'll never know what's on the other side of the door till you walk through it.
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Old 05-05-2012, 05:27 PM
 
1 posts, read 627 times
Reputation: 13
Meanwhile, my Mr. Prince Valium just changed room and is now snoring loudly at the TV room.
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Old 05-05-2012, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33736
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
. People don't just "turn boring," they are boring as kids, teenagers and then as grown ups. .
Not true.

I was always going out as a kid and a teenager. I traveled all over the world several times before I was 10.
I enjoyed going to the dance club on weekends as a college student.
I liked dressing up and hitting the 'scene,' etc.

Now it's all just, "Been there, done that, not worth the effort anymore." Other people have made these experiences almost unbearable (the airlines suck now, people are just getting louder and ruder at most social/entertainment venues, restaurant food is lousy overall, etc), the costs are getting higher and higher, and I work too hard to spend my precious few hours off doing something that gives me so little back just for the sake of 'going out.'

My house is a paradise and an oasis and an entertainment factory all rolled into one. Pool, spa, pool table, giant tv, arcade, fully stocked bar, talented chef, gorgeous comfy patio furniture, books, ipad, kindle, abundant greenery, etc.

If I go anywhere, it's to exclusive beach resorts or to Hawaii.

Guess I'm boring.
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:38 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,290 posts, read 5,307,671 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
You don't marry a boring person to begin with. That seems almost impossibly basic. People don't just "turn boring," they are boring as kids, teenagers and then as grown ups.

You married someone that was a big bore, you have no one but yourself to blame.

Seriously, your marriage sounds like hell and you're unhappy. Talk to him about it, show him your post and go from there. But don't expect to turn someone you find "boring" into Mr. Excitement. You both sound incompatible in the extreme.
You don't know what you're talking about. I married a "life of the party," who then turned into "Mr. Boring." It does happen.

My advice to the OP is get into counseling asap - he sounds very passive-aggressive and controlling. Why did you stay home? What was your payoff?

You're an adult - if you want to go somewhere, go . . .he sounds like a jerk for not only not wanting to join you, but guilting you into staying home. But you have issues too because you are going along with it . . . it's a game you play - and there are payoffs - what are they?

What do you do with your resentment?
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Old 05-05-2012, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
7,562 posts, read 3,351,651 times
Reputation: 3428
According to this board, you should accept him for who he is, otherwise you're an awful person.
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Old 05-06-2012, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33736
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
According to this board, you should accept him for who he is, otherwise you're an awful person.
No.

As a good spouse, he should compromise and try to make her happy, too.

I didn't bait and switch my wife. She knew how I was. Luckily, we're both over the 'going out' scene and there isn't much conflict. But if either of us wants to go out, the other one doesn't whine about it. We just go, happy to be with the other person.
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Old 05-06-2012, 09:46 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 35,883,543 times
Reputation: 21592
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Not true.

I was always going out as a kid and a teenager. I traveled all over the world several times before I was 10.
I enjoyed going to the dance club on weekends as a college student.
I liked dressing up and hitting the 'scene,' etc.

Now it's all just, "Been there, done that, not worth the effort anymore." Other people have made these experiences almost unbearable (the airlines suck now, people are just getting louder and ruder at most social/entertainment venues, restaurant food is lousy overall, etc), the costs are getting higher and higher, and I work too hard to spend my precious few hours off doing something that gives me so little back just for the sake of 'going out.'

My house is a paradise and an oasis and an entertainment factory all rolled into one. Pool, spa, pool table, giant tv, arcade, fully stocked bar, talented chef, gorgeous comfy patio furniture, books, ipad, kindle, abundant greenery, etc.

If I go anywhere, it's to exclusive beach resorts or to Hawaii.

Guess I'm boring.
Good points.

Some people wouldn't even need all that -- the spa, pool table, fully stocked bar to find their own home preferable to the clubs and parties packed with noisy people.

Those who find being home with their spouse and children the ultimate boredom and can only find their entertainment at loud crowded parties might have to look at their own selves and wonder why they find their children and home so boring. And why marry if all you want to do is be the life of the party and away from home and children all the time?
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Old 05-06-2012, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
661 posts, read 376,430 times
Reputation: 703
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
According to this board, you should accept him for who he is, otherwise you're an awful person.
Sure, if you're wanting to change somebody for your own personal reasons, which the quote below definitely implies.

The spouse apparently doesn't like to go to large parties. I don't really like to either. I would go from time to time, but most of the time, I would pass too. I wouldn't whine about it though nor care if she went by herself.

The OP acts pretty childish for someone being married for 17 years. Calling the husband names like "Mr. Boring" and "Mr. Passive Aggressive". She was the one who settled for him and now, 17 years later, is complaining about it? That poor guy. He could be in a relationship with someone who loves him for who he is.

She married a homebody but wanted a party goer, just like you're with an overweight woman but wanted a slimmer woman. If you settle for things you don't want, don't complain about it later or look for support from others to change who that person is. It's really that simple.

Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Well, that slap in my face stung a little.
Yes, his A$$ was boring, but I settled, I was a divorced mom with kids, yep, and the line was not very long to marry me with the baggage. I had no problem finding guys, but when they heard about the kids. WELL.... anyway, my A$$ is horny and bored. oops, the wine is getting to me.
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Old 05-06-2012, 12:52 PM
Status: "Life gives you what you need to awaken" (set 7 hours ago)
 
8,742 posts, read 6,035,651 times
Reputation: 18311
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
According to this board, you should accept him for who he is, otherwise you're an awful person.
Not being able to accept someone doesn't make you an awful person but you have to face the reality of the fact you can't change someone else. They have to want to change, if they don't you have the choice to accept them as they are or leave.
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