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Every guy knows what I'm talking about. You've probably had a girl at some point in your life who is very obviously upset about something, and when you ask her about it she says everything's fine.
You then either keep pressing the question and she flips out at you, or you shrug it off because she DID say she was fine, and she blows up at you a few hours later saying you never care about her emotions.
Why the hell does that happen? If a person is upset they should just talk about it, or not act hurt when they say they're fine and people take their word for it.
LOL...I've used "fine" before...but mostly I'll say "I don't know".
Typically, it IS something I'm willing to talk about but it's too soon to discuss because I haven't got it figured out in my head yet.
I don't go ballistic on someone though, for not reading my mind.
Thankfully my husband learned long ago that I will come to him when I'm ready, but if he keeps nagging me to talk about it and I'm not ready, I have gotten pissy with him. Sometimes "I don't know" means just that.
Sometimes I am too emotional to discuss it at the time. I am the type to cry when I get really pissed, and I would be incoherent at that point.
Other times, I really don't know how to articulate it. It makes sense in my head, but I can't put it into words without sounding like an idiot, so I just don't say anything.
And many times, I want to make sure that I am not over-reacting to the situation first (been known to do that). It may really be nothing to get upset over, it just may have struck a nerve at that time. And I don't want to hash it out with anyone if it's not a big deal.
I don't blow up at my man later, though. He will ask what's wrong, and I normally say "I can't talk about it now.", or some variation. My man knows enough to back off, even when I'm in tears when he asks.
"Nothing's the matter" = "Something's the matter but I'm not going to tell you until you drag it out of me." Appropriate guy reaction? "Well, something's obviously the matter. And I'm not a mind reader. So help me out here."
"It's fine." = "It's definitely not fine." Appropriate guy reaction? "Well, something's obviously the matter. And I'm not a mind reader. So help me out here."
"Do what you want." = "Do what you want. But have sheets and pillows ready for your night on the couch." Appropriate guy reaction? It really depends. Are you skipping her birthday to head down to the strip club? Might want to rethink that. If, on the other hand, you planned for weeks in advance to watch The Super Bowl with friends, then call her on it. But still plan on sleeping on the couch.
"I don't care." = "I do care." Appropriate guy reaction? "Okay. What do you want to do?"
"Whatever." = "My God, you're such a clueless idiot. Do you ever think about anyone besides yourself?" Appropriate guy reaction? I have no clue. There's no good way to handle "Whatever."
Don't get sucked in. Ask once with sincerity, then leave it alone if she gives you the "nothing's wrong" or "fine" routine. Sometimes it really is nothing. We all go through moodiness from time to time without being able to put our finger on exactly what is putting us in a funk. When and if it is something, she'll either work it out on her own or she'll eventually come around to talking about it, probably around 1:00 AM when you are sound asleep.
Here's my all time favorite... guy and girl get into a heated disagreement. An hour later she is obviously upset about something. Are you really that naive? Seriously? I just love how the guy plays dumb.
It didn't occur to you it *might* be about the argument an hour ago? DUH!
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