Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I used to be a really high achiver and have a great work ethic. All of my work references were great up until this year. However, this year I got into an abusive personal relationship with an alcoholic. I have endured a lot of mental/ emotional abuse. Pretty much every night I would be called all the names under the sun. Sometimes he would go on binges for 4 days and I would be called up at work CONSTANTLY and berated. I was always accused of cheating, woken up in the early hours of the morning for sex (even though I hadnt slept for days) and when I was too tired he would yell at me until I had to go to work in the morning. I was berated every weekend. I would get sick all the time, when I would stay home (not at his house) he would constantly call me and accuse me of cheating and even broke into my house once.
As you can imagine it really affected my personal and work life. I have never had so little sleep of copped so much abuse. Ladies at work would compare me with the people who were in my position previosuly saying I didnt work enough, I was slack and lazy etc. I KNOW this is not how I really am! I KNOW i shouldnt take it to heart, I know that they dont know what I am going through...nobody does! I have no support. This year everything is spiralling out of control. I used to pride myself on being a hard worker, but I cant now because I am trying to keep him happy, do uni and earn a living. If I dont answer the office phone or my mobile I get accused of cheating. So people think I am lazy, but its because im scared to leave the office! I get scared that I will get in trouble if men talk to me so I avoid that at ALL costs.
I know I have been through a lot, but how do i stop taking the ladies words at work to heart? They are not actually part of my workplace but we work in the same office area so I have to have a good rapport with them to keep my companies relationship with them going. I just feel like I am going mad sometimes!
Why do I care about pleasing everyone else, when I know they dont even know whats going on behind closed doors! I feel lost, confused, scared, and trapped!
If things were fine before he came along...and aren't now, then your answer lies right there in front of you. Don't make excuses for him. He's an abusive alcoholic. Get out.
Why do I care about pleasing everyone else, when I know they dont even know whats going on behind closed doors! I feel lost, confused, scared, and trapped!
Your issue isn't about pleasing everyone, it is about the fact you are in an abusive relationship and need to get out.
Pack your bags and leave, because until you leave him you will never be able to work on your self esteem and confidence.
Let me repeat this, you are in an abusive, destructive relationship, you need to leave.
I used to be a really high achiver and have a great work ethic. All of my work references were great up until this year. However, this year I got into an abusive personal relationship with an alcoholic. I have endured a lot of mental/ emotional abuse. Pretty much every night I would be called all the names under the sun. Sometimes he would go on binges for 4 days and I would be called up at work CONSTANTLY and berated. I was always accused of cheating, woken up in the early hours of the morning for sex (even though I hadnt slept for days) and when I was too tired he would yell at me until I had to go to work in the morning. I was berated every weekend. I would get sick all the time, when I would stay home (not at his house) he would constantly call me and accuse me of cheating and even broke into my house once.
As you can imagine it really affected my personal and work life. I have never had so little sleep of copped so much abuse. Ladies at work would compare me with the people who were in my position previosuly saying I didnt work enough, I was slack and lazy etc. I KNOW this is not how I really am! I KNOW i shouldnt take it to heart, I know that they dont know what I am going through...nobody does! I have no support. This year everything is spiralling out of control. I used to pride myself on being a hard worker, but I cant now because I am trying to keep him happy, do uni and earn a living. If I dont answer the office phone or my mobile I get accused of cheating. So people think I am lazy, but its because im scared to leave the office! I get scared that I will get in trouble if men talk to me so I avoid that at ALL costs.
I know I have been through a lot, but how do i stop taking the ladies words at work to heart? They are not actually part of my workplace but we work in the same office area so I have to have a good rapport with them to keep my companies relationship with them going. I just feel like I am going mad sometimes!
Why do I care about pleasing everyone else, when I know they dont even know whats going on behind closed doors! I feel lost, confused, scared, and trapped!
Honey, you "feel this way" because you have been robbed of your self-confidence and self-esteem.
You have been painted into a corner, which is pretty textbook for what control freak abusers do - they will isolate you to make you even more dependent on them even when they are mistreating and abusing you!
Please, please call your local police dept right now, today, and get the number for your nearest women's shelter.
You need professional guidance and intervention immediately!
Do not continue to live one more day in this hellish existence! You simply MUST act now to save yourself okay?
There really are people waiting to help you, but you must first seek the help!
And after you do leave, please start attending Al-Anon meetings as the actual leaving is the first step...the trauma you have endured will be with you until you deal with the effects of the abuse.
You are confused about what the problem is . . .it is not about getting over pleasing everyone . . .it's about your high tolerance and acceptance of abuse . . .I would suggest finding an Alanon meeting and a therapist and start asking yourself why you accept abuse and think it is normal and something you have to endure.
Your life is out-of-control because you are with an abusive alcoholic, yet you don't seem to recognize this.
I used to be a really high achiver and have a great work ethic. All of my work references were great up until this year. However, this year I got into an abusive personal relationship with an alcoholic. I have endured a lot of mental/ emotional abuse. Pretty much every night I would be called all the names under the sun. Sometimes he would go on binges for 4 days and I would be called up at work CONSTANTLY and berated. I was always accused of cheating, woken up in the early hours of the morning for sex (even though I hadnt slept for days) and when I was too tired he would yell at me until I had to go to work in the morning. I was berated every weekend. I would get sick all the time, when I would stay home (not at his house) he would constantly call me and accuse me of cheating and even broke into my house once.
As you can imagine it really affected my personal and work life. I have never had so little sleep of copped so much abuse. Ladies at work would compare me with the people who were in my position previosuly saying I didnt work enough, I was slack and lazy etc. I KNOW this is not how I really am! I KNOW i shouldnt take it to heart, I know that they dont know what I am going through...nobody does! I have no support. This year everything is spiralling out of control. I used to pride myself on being a hard worker, but I cant now because I am trying to keep him happy, do uni and earn a living. If I dont answer the office phone or my mobile I get accused of cheating. So people think I am lazy, but its because im scared to leave the office! I get scared that I will get in trouble if men talk to me so I avoid that at ALL costs.
I know I have been through a lot, but how do i stop taking the ladies words at work to heart? They are not actually part of my workplace but we work in the same office area so I have to have a good rapport with them to keep my companies relationship with them going. I just feel like I am going mad sometimes!
Why do I care about pleasing everyone else, when I know they dont even know whats going on behind closed doors! I feel lost, confused, scared, and trapped!
You're lacking in self-esteem, confidence, and clarity. You've also attracted someone to you who shares the same qualities. The answer to moving forward is in your first paragraph. At least that's a start.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Al-Anon
