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Old 11-02-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,087,136 times
Reputation: 55549

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
OK.

I read something that triggered a memory from years back.

I had a date with a woman a few years ago. I had lukewarm interest in her, but was really itching for it to go well, because I had just broken up with my ex. So, I was trying to be on my best game (I usually am).

Anyway, I tell her I'm a musician and I've played in bands before.

The response she gives me is, "You look more like someone who moves the equipment."

I was like, "WTF."

So, I realize there are a lot of blunt, aggressive, Darwinian types on this board.

So, my question is, "Why would you say something that would obviously insult somebody and insult their feelings?".

Because you just don't care?
when they ask you what you do be meek. never offer unsolicited to tell them what you do.
this is set up for a put down.
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Old 11-02-2011, 11:08 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 3,163,266 times
Reputation: 2512
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
OK.

I read something that triggered a memory from years back.

I had a date with a woman a few years ago. I had lukewarm interest in her, but was really itching for it to go well, because I had just broken up with my ex. So, I was trying to be on my best game (I usually am).

Anyway, I tell her I'm a musician and I've played in bands before.

The response she gives me is, "You look more like someone who moves the equipment."

I was like, "WTF."

So, I realize there are a lot of blunt, aggressive, Darwinian types on this board.

So, my question is, "Why would you say something that would obviously insult somebody and insult their feelings?".

Because you just don't care?
Directed towards the OP...
While what she stated was rude and thoughtless she probably did not mean it..
I know that this obviously upset you or you would not have started this thread..however there alot of people out there that do not mean to be intentionally mean and just lack what I call a filter..
You know people like this as do I...They do not stop to think about what they are going to say and in itstead state exactly what they are thinking...Not knowing that this is highly inappropriate..this reminds me of Jim Carreys movie.."Liar Liar" lol..
There are some things we all think that at times are not the kindest however most of us thankfully have a filter..and do not allow these careless thoughts to formulate into words and making it of our mouths..
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Old 11-02-2011, 11:37 PM
 
479 posts, read 833,031 times
Reputation: 444
I love to "mess with" obnoxious people. If someone says something off color, I just look at them and laugh. Or I'll say something like, oh...that's interesting, why would you say or think that?

If I find that someone's too much work. I set boundaries in clear but subtle ways. They may as well not even exist.

For people who were lucky enough, to have parents who instinctively taught them emotional balance...good boundaries, etc. Folks like the OP described are never an issue.

Those of us who had to give those skills to ourselves. "Keeping our own power..." Never giving it away to anybody else. It's fun to practice in that context. One silent victory at a time.
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Old 11-03-2011, 04:57 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,773,299 times
Reputation: 11862
Sounds like a joke that misfired...

A lot of people here don't know humour when they see it.
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:16 AM
 
Location: New England
1,204 posts, read 2,558,362 times
Reputation: 2212
Right on tegota. Well said. IMO, some people just aren't worth dealing with. My message to people like that is "go away."

jobaba, not knowing what you look like, maybe she said it because you look strong (like HDC said).

Quote:
Originally Posted by tegota View Post
I love to "mess with" obnoxious people. If someone says something off color, I just look at them and laugh. Or I'll say something like, oh...that's interesting, why would you say or think that?

If I find that someone's too much work. I set boundaries in clear but subtle ways. They may as well not even exist.

For people who were lucky enough, to have parents who instinctively taught them emotional balance...good boundaries, etc. Folks like the OP described are never an issue.

Those of us who had to give those skills to ourselves. "Keeping our own power..." Never giving it away to anybody else. It's fun to practice in that context. One silent victory at a time.
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:17 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
782 posts, read 1,104,929 times
Reputation: 3172
Or, she may have been testing your mettle. In a "are you strong enough to be her man" sort of way...If so, I think you failed Dude. But, I think this guy got it right...and you should DM him and have a long conversation with him....or her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tegota View Post
I love to "mess with" obnoxious people. If someone says something off color, I just look at them and laugh. Or I'll say something like, oh...that's interesting, why would you say or think that?

If I find that someone's too much work. I set boundaries in clear but subtle ways. They may as well not even exist.

For people who were lucky enough, to have parents who instinctively taught them emotional balance...good boundaries, etc. Folks like the OP described are never an issue.

Those of us who had to give those skills to ourselves. "Keeping our own power..." Never giving it away to anybody else. It's fun to practice in that context. One silent victory at a time.
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:31 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,874,400 times
Reputation: 11706
Was the date going well to that point?

Maybe she was picking on you to get an idea of your sense of humor...
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:58 AM
 
Location: The Mitten
845 posts, read 1,342,664 times
Reputation: 740
I don't think the intent was to hurt your feelings. More so just testing how you would react to such comments. A first date isn't far from an actual life size "test" of what that person is like.

Now, if that were me, and I can't say this for certain, but I would have turned that comment around on her. If I was the lead singer I would have just started singing to her and said something like, "I do better as the lead signer, don't you?" Or just a comment that kind of puts her in her place but also makes her laugh a little, too.

It's an opening. How do you fair against this comment? She might need that sarcastic-turnaround and realize those types of comments don't phase you.
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:06 AM
 
936 posts, read 2,053,065 times
Reputation: 2253
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
OK.

I read something that triggered a memory from years back.

I had a date with a woman a few years ago. I had lukewarm interest in her, but was really itching for it to go well, because I had just broken up with my ex. So, I was trying to be on my best game (I usually am).

Anyway, I tell her I'm a musician and I've played in bands before.

The response she gives me is, "You look more like someone who moves the equipment."

I was like, "WTF."

So, I realize there are a lot of blunt, aggressive, Darwinian types on this board.

So, my question is, "Why would you say something that would obviously insult somebody and insult their feelings?".

Because you just don't care?
Question asked, question answered.

She may have meant it to be teasing, and it came out wrong. Maybe she gets sarcastic when she's anxious, and your date made her nervous. Or she's a rude ***** who entertains herself by being unnecessarily cruel.

From your post it sounds like you weren't all that into her in the first place, so why dwell on it? You both came out alive, and I'm sure she's given far less thought about you over the years than you've given her.
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Old 11-03-2011, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Lowell, MA
6,926 posts, read 6,531,234 times
Reputation: 10161
It sounds to me from a woman who's husband was a roadie for a Scotish band touring the US for about 6 months when he was younger, you can definitely tell them apart.

A roadie dresses and acts differently than a band member. She knew she was throwing out an insult and gave no thought to his feelings.

I would of made the date a short one and crossed her off my phone list. People don't change there ways.
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