Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Given that there is a lot of money to be made here, I'm surprised this one isn't being pushed.
Personally, I would resent the government's assumption that I don't know who the father of my children is if testing were mandatory. The government has no business sticking their nose in here. If my dh questions paternity, he has every right to have a paternity test as part of the divorce proceedings (logically, one would not stay married to someone they do not trust so I'd assume we're getting divorced if he's asking.). I really don't see a need here for every child to be tested. You just need to test the ones in question and we can already do that.
Dd#1 is her dad's mini me....I'm not sure who dd#2 looks like but she seems to have lots of pieces from my family and very little from dh's.
But that's why I think it should be mandatory, or at least don't dismiss the idea out of hand. From many of the responses here, the guy is in a no win situation. If he asks for one, he's a terrible person who doesn't trust his wife, so you're saying you'd divorce him on the basis of that alone. If he doesn't, there's always a risk that he IS being lied to, since the vast majority of women (and men)_ admit to cheating on their partners at least once, and one time is all it takes to make a baby. So at least if it's mandatory the guy has peace of mind and protection without looking like the bad guy.
Trust sounds nice and all, but again...MOST couples cheat according to research. Someone in this thread even said they'd be offended if their partner asked for a STD test before getting married. So again...no win situation, where the guy has to risk his health to prove his love. That really doesn't seem fair to me.
But that's why I think it should be mandatory, or at least don't dismiss the idea out of hand. From many of the responses here, the guy is in a no win situation. If he asks for one, he's a terrible person who doesn't trust his wife, so you're saying you'd divorce him on the basis of that alone. If he doesn't, there's always a risk that he IS being lied to, since the vast majority of women (and men)_ admit to cheating on their partners at least once, and one time is all it takes to make a baby. So at least if it's mandatory the guy has peace of mind and protection without looking like the bad guy.
Trust sounds nice and all, but again...MOST couples cheat according to research. Someone in this thread even said they'd be offended if their partner asked for a STD test before getting married. So again...no win situation, where the guy has to risk his health to prove his love. That really doesn't seem fair to me.
So because a guy is too much of a weenie to man up and ask for a paternity test or STD test or whatever, the rest of us have to have our privacy violated?
So because a guy is too much of a weenie to man up and ask for a paternity test or STD test or whatever, the rest of us have to have our privacy violated?
Are you serious?
I'm not a huge advocate of it, I'm just pointing out that according to this thread just by asking for one the guy risks losing his family anyway, which seems really unfair and strange.
I'm not a huge advocate of it, I'm just pointing out that according to this thread just by asking for one the guy risks losing his family anyway, which seems really unfair and strange.
Again, because that may happen to SOME people we all have to sacrifice our privacy?
Again, because that may happen to SOME people we all have to sacrifice our privacy?
But where exactly is the privacy issue? I would assume the information would go into a medical file, which like everything else under HIPPA can't be accessed by outside parties. If you're speaking of the woman's privacy from her husband, I would think his right to know if the child is biologically his trumps that. The only woman who would 'need' privacy in this case would be the ones who know the child isn't their spouses, yes?
But that's why I think it should be mandatory, or at least don't dismiss the idea out of hand. From many of the responses here, the guy is in a no win situation. If he asks for one, he's a terrible person who doesn't trust his wife, so you're saying you'd divorce him on the basis of that alone. If he doesn't, there's always a risk that he IS being lied to, since the vast majority of women (and men)_ admit to cheating on their partners at least once, and one time is all it takes to make a baby. So at least if it's mandatory the guy has peace of mind and protection without looking like the bad guy.
Trust sounds nice and all, but again...MOST couples cheat according to research. Someone in this thread even said they'd be offended if their partner asked for a STD test before getting married. So again...no win situation, where the guy has to risk his health to prove his love. That really doesn't seem fair to me.
The current system forces him to be honest with his wife. If he doesn't trust her, he has to tell her as things are now. Doesn't she deserve to know she's married to a man who thinks she's a lying, ho??? Why is this all about HIM? Doesn't she deserve better than to be lied to by a man tho thinks so little of her? If he doesn't trust her, he needs to be honest with her and have a paternity test done during the divorce. She deserves to be in a relationship with someone who trusts her, or, at least, to know she's in one with someone who doesn't trust her.
I would have divorced my husband in a heartbeat if he voiced that he thought I was a lying ho who was just trying to stick him with paternity. I do not need to be married to a man who thinks so little of me. My children deserve a better roll model than for me to stay married to a man who thinks so little of me.
It's none of the government's business who the father of my children is. That's between me and their father.
But where exactly is the privacy issue? I would assume the information would go into a medical file, which like everything else under HIPPA can't be accessed by outside parties. If you're speaking of the woman's privacy from her husband, I would think his right to know if the child is biologically his trumps that. The only woman who would 'need' privacy in this case would be the ones who know the child isn't their spouses, yes?
The problem with your argument is that he has the right to get the test now if he wants it. No one is stopping him. What he can't do is lie and say he trusts her when he doesn't. If he doesn't, he should let her know that so she can decide if she wants to stay in a relationship with a man who doesn't trust her.
It's a privacy issue because I'm being subjected to a medical test against my will. At the very least, everyone in my doctors office will know the results. If I don't want that, it's a privacy issue for me. What if my husband and I had kids by artificial insemination??? Why is that my children are not biologically my husband's being put in my medical file?
There is no benefit to society to test all babies. The benefit goes to individuals so individuals decide whether or not to test.
I'm not a huge advocate of it, I'm just pointing out that according to this thread just by asking for one the guy risks losing his family anyway, which seems really unfair and strange.
NO!! By asking he's admitting he thinks his wife is a lying, ho.... Seriously, if he's asking, he probably shouldn't be married to her. At the very least, don't you think she deserves to know that he thinks so little of her so she can decide if he's still worth keeping around even though he thinks so little of her? Why is it wrong to expect him to be honest with his wife?
The current system forces him to be honest with his wife. If he doesn't trust her, he has to tell her as things are now. Doesn't she deserve to know she's married to a man who thinks she's a lying, ho??? Why is this all about HIM? Doesn't she deserve better than to be lied to by a man tho thinks so little of her? If he doesn't trust her, he needs to be honest with her and have a paternity test done during the divorce. She deserves to be in a relationship with someone who trusts her, or, at least, to know she's in one with someone who doesn't trust her.
I would have divorced my husband in a heartbeat if he voiced that he thought I was a lying ho who was just trying to stick him with paternity. I do not need to be married to a man who thinks so little of me. My children deserve a better roll model than for me to stay married to a man who thinks so little of me.
It's none of the government's business who the father of my children is. That's between me and their father.
But see to me it has nothing to do with trust. For the same reason asking for an STD test before marriage isn't about trust. It's about being logical and realizing that the majority of people DO cheat, and NOT asking for a test can have possibly fatal consequences (or with the paternity test, life altering consequences).
You can talk about trust and love forever, but I'd rather look at the numbers. I don't base my day to day decisions on the hope that I'll win the lottery, so why would I risk my health (or risk raising someone else's child) on the hope that I'll end up in the minority with a spouse who doesn't cheat? It wouldn't matter how much I loved my spouse, I'm still not risking such important things on something as ambiguous as love. I guess my issue is I just don't think love is that special- it's pretty ordinary, really, and it isn't a magical thing that means no one ever does something they regret. And trust is just kind of silly when the numbers aren't there to support it.
All of this, btw, is part of why I have absolutely no interest in relationships...so really I have no dog in this fight.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
