just found out I've been accused of being a man stealer... (older, friend)

[Hawk J]

Mir, after reading what you wrote, perhaps her dad doesn't like Israelie folks who were IDF. Maybe he is harboring some kind of grudge or bad feelings?

[Bosco55David]

I'm not sure why this is still going on, but here's about all you need to know.

Your friend and her fiance' are the only ones whose opinions really matter. Different people have different boundaries, and if they are both genuine in stating that your behavior doesn't cross their boundaries, then that is all that needs to be said. If their families have different boundaries, that is fine too. You're not hugging on them. Your friend needs to step up and let her family know that despite what they feel, she knows and trusts you enough to not let this be an issue and they need to stop worrying about being offended for her.

It's debatable whether her bringing up this issue means she is uncomfortable with it. Some people need to ease into situations like that, but you've known her for over a decade...we haven't. Conversely, you could play it safe and ease up just for the sake of not creating conflict in her life, but that is your call.

/thread

[mir86]

Originally Posted by Opsimathia

Just because someone doesn't agree with you does not make them irrational. It just means they have a different opinion to the situation. If you were the ugly duckling type then you most likely are stepping over the line. It would be nice if it wasn't true that you have to act differently because of how you look but its just not the way it is. A simple example is how a small chested girl may be able to get away with wearing a tank top and walking down the street. But if you are sporting some DD you have to be a little bit more mindful of your assets unless you want to be labeled or oogled.

no I never said he's irrational because he doesn't agree with me. He's irrational because he just goes around spouting crap without getting any facts first. I've seen this in situations besides just this one. I totally understand that we have to act differently according to how we look. I was super shy and quiet during my "ugly duckling" days and a huge part of that is still me. It wasn't like back then I was going around trying to get everyones' attention so I could feel better about myself. I'm still not like that.

[mir86]

Originally Posted by Book Lover 21

Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

You are an attractive 25 yr old. You will see a lot more of this throughout your life. Sadly, many people, women in particular, are LOOKING for reasons to dislike young, attractive women. It's probably an instinctive thing to protect their nest/relationship. And Opsimathia is right: you do have to be more responsible about who you are flirting with if you are young and pretty. A lot of women feel like men "just can't help themselves" around a pretty girl, so let's blame the girl. I wouldn't be so sure about the mom who seems "as sweet as pie". That's to your face, but she probably doesn't like flirty girls around her husband any more than anyone else does.

Quick story: When I met my husband, his best friend made a point of being SUPER friendly/flirty/touchy. I backed away from him right away. Later I found out it was a test and I passed. They have a mutual friend who got a girlfriend and he did the same with her. She flirted back, giggled, pinched, etc. He said, "This one might be bad news." Sure enough, it turns out she cheated on him repeatedly.

well, what you say further confirms why I don't trust women with much. I had a friend who wouldn't even let me do my hair when I was in her wedding party cause she didn't want me or anyone else to out shine her. Her jealousy of every woman better looking than her, is one reason her and I are no longer friends.

as for your story, if someone I barely knew was being that flirty with me, regardless of my relationship status, it would weird me out and everyone around me would know.

[mir86]

Originally Posted by Bosco55David

I'm not sure why this is still going on, but here's about all you need to know.

Your friend and her fiance' are the only ones whose opinions really matter. Different people have different boundaries, and if they are both genuine in stating that your behavior doesn't cross their boundaries, then that is all that needs to be said. If their families have different boundaries, that is fine too. You're not hugging on them. Your friend needs to step up and let her family know that despite what they feel, she knows and trusts you enough to not let this be an issue and they need to stop worrying about being offended for her.

It's debatable whether her bringing up this issue means she is uncomfortable with it. Some people need to ease into situations like that, but you've known her for over a decade...we haven't. Conversely, you could play it safe and ease up just for the sake of not creating conflict in her life, but that is your call.

/thread

I agree. I told my friend that she can tell her parents everything I said about how I feel about the situation since I don't plan on facing them if I don't have to. I don't care what they think of me at this point. but yes, I will act more cold towards her fiance and just say our hello/goodbyes when I see him. He'll understand why. In fact, knowing him, he may even apologize to me that I've been accused of anything, lol.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by mir86

she let us pick our own dresses

I think that's pretty rare. My understanding is that the bride picks the hideous dresses and the bridesmaids pay for the "pleasure" of wearing them, no?

[D217]

Originally Posted by mir86

narrow enough for my huge boobs

Isn't that an oxymoron?

[funymann]

Originally Posted by max's mama

Mir, I can't believe that you even have to defend yourself. You know your intentions were pure. With that said, stay away from that nonsense. When you see him, just say hello, no need for hugs. Obviously, you are attractive and your friendliness was misinterpreted. No need to chat with him or giving him a chance to open up to you.

I was accused of being a stalker yesterday.

Yeah, apparently some gal misinterpreted my friendliness (which all it was) into being creepy. My boss approached me and told me that her boss told him that I need to leave her alone. "Avoid her at all cost." he tells me.

Mind you, I said nothing of a sexual nature AT ALL. Just friendly popping my head in her store just to say hi. Waving through the window as I passed by. I do this to just about everyone in the complex whether it is guys OR girls. The fact that I was accused of this breaks my whole inner self. I am crushed.

People don't realize that when you make up stuff it hurts people. You cannot read a person's motives. Once you make an accusation against someone it can haunt that person forever. You can't take it back.

I sometimes feel like putting a hood over my head and just putting my time in and going home. I feel like talking to no one now.

[mir86]

Originally Posted by funymann

I was accused of being a stalker yesterday.

Yeah, apparently some gal misinterpreted my friendliness (which all it was) into being creepy. My boss approached me and told me that her boss told him that I need to leave her alone. "Avoid her at all cost." he tells me.

Mind you, I said nothing of a sexual nature AT ALL. Just friendly popping my head in her store just to say hi. Waving through the window as I passed by. I do this to just about everyone in the complex whether it is guys OR girls. The fact that I was accused of this breaks my whole inner self. I am crushed.

People don't realize that when you make up stuff it hurts people. You cannot read a person's motives. Once you make an accusation against someone it can haunt that person forever. You can't take it back.

I sometimes feel like putting a hood over my head and just putting my time in and going home. I feel like talking to no one now.

oh don't get me started on how much worse men have it. Through all the troubles of being female, I would still never want to be male. I would much rather be accused of "man stealing" than be accused of stalking or harassment.

There was a woman (older lady in her 40's/50's) in a business class I took last year and she used to work for the police department. She said she filed 6 sexual harassment cases! Being that she worked with a ton of men, I could see her having 2, maybe 3 during her career, but 6????? at that point, she's doing something to make that happen or she accuses any guy who's friendly to her. I really do feel bad for the men who really mean no harm.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

I think that's pretty rare. My understanding is that the bride picks the hideous dresses and the bridesmaids pay for the "pleasure" of wearing them, no?

Yup. That's how it works. Even though I started off planning a more traditional wedding (we ended up not going through with it), I did let my bridemaids have a say in the selection of the dresses. All I chose was the color - they picked whatever dress they liked best. Really that's the best way...it looks nicer in pics later too, I think. Much more appealing and interesting for each girl to have a different style. One style dress just doesn't flatter every size body. I think more women are doing this now in their weddings. Ah well...days gone by for me - that is for sure!