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Old 11-13-2011, 05:56 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,673,894 times
Reputation: 13242

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tegota View Post
So your dad didn't give you the emotional space and nurturing balance a child needs to develop and grow in a healthy way.
I have good genes, like my mother. I don't sweat the small stuff. Since I was a teen, given how much I knew about my father, I gave him credit for being a better parent than his parents. He grew up in an orphanage. He grew up without parental bonding and love. He's an emotionally needy man, but it amazes me that he was able to elevate himself from those childhood experiences, to what he gave me. He was a runner, and we ran together. We camped together. We hiked together. All in all, pretty awesome. As I said earlier, it comes down to genetics, upbringing, and personality. Where the upbringing may have lacked, as all things do, personality and genetics made lemonade out of lemons.

Quote:
Yes many women. The number of teen females having babies, looking for emotional fulfillment and nurture is staggering. Many will say that at least they'll have someone who will love them unconditionally. It's kind of "sick."
It is sick. But parental neediness goes both ways as far as gender is concerned. The fact that men tend to be absent at greater rates, thereby not having opportunity, doesn't make it a gender issue, but an issue of circumstance.
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Old 11-13-2011, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL (Northside)
2,908 posts, read 3,744,363 times
Reputation: 2706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I have good genes, like my mother. I don't sweat the small stuff. Since I was a teen, given how much I knew about my father, I gave him credit for being a better parent than his parents. He grew up in an orphanage. He grew up without parental bonding and love. He's an emotionally needy man, but it amazes me that he was able to elevate himself from those childhood experiences, to what he gave me. He was a runner, and we ran together. We camped together. We hiked together. All in all, pretty awesome. As I said earlier, it comes down to genetics, upbringing, and personality. Where the upbringing may have lacked, as all things do, personality and genetics made lemonade out of lemons.


It is sick. But parental neediness goes both ways as far as gender is concerned. The fact that men tend to be absent at greater rates, thereby not having opportunity, doesn't make it a gender issue, but an issue of circumstance.
Reading your story is definitely inspiring. It takes strength like no other to break the cycle. This story should be a testament that one doesn't have to turn out like their parents. Genetics can be a blessing and a curse, for real.
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Old 11-13-2011, 07:28 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,673,894 times
Reputation: 13242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northside904 View Post
Reading your story is definitely inspiring. It takes strength like no other to break the cycle. This story should be a testament that one doesn't have to turn out like their parents. Genetics can be a blessing and a curse, for real.
What's also cool is that he felt the same way about his father. My dad's mom died young and his dad couldn't handle all the kids (there were 8-9 of them). I think he worked an ice truck. Plus this was during the depression, so folk were poor. My grandfather wouldn't allow any of the kids to be adopted out. I'm not sure how he managed it, but he didn't want the kids to not know each other and kept tabs on it. So, in the orphanage they stayed. But, my dad never spoke ill of his father. He was always grateful for those decisions, however hard they were, because he has his brothers and sisters. One of his sister's didn't survive it, but the rest did and they all have families and I have oodles of cousins and now we're all having children. It's a big family.

As mentioned, that doesn't mean there weren't consequences and suffering involved. Clearly, the situation harmed him. When he was a kid he used to hide inside the lockers at his orphanage when he got scared. That rips my heart out when I think of it. But, he managed. And sure, he needs to lean. I can't blame him for that. None of us are perfect and I doubt there are perfect parents any where. Just as there aren't perfect kids.
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Old 11-13-2011, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
34,270 posts, read 6,975,548 times
Reputation: 77655
There's some good conversation here, but let's get back on the original topic, folks.
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Old 11-13-2011, 08:49 PM
Status: "I don't do 2 things; that's love and that's trust." (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Arlington, Virginia
15,283 posts, read 18,070,676 times
Reputation: 16072
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Just out of curiosity - do the men on this thread that keep putting down women have good relationships with their mothers? Did their parents have good marriages? Just wondering.
I have a reasonably good relationship with my mother. Her biggest flaw is that she chose some real tools to get into relationships and marriages with. She embodies the saying better lonely than miserable with someone else.

At this point the thought of marriage and kids sickens me. I do not want to be tied down in my 20s. I've been totally on my own in my own place for 3 months now, I'd be a fool to give up my independence again to someone who wants to control me.
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Old 11-13-2011, 09:27 PM
 
8,681 posts, read 7,846,694 times
Reputation: 14956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I'm going to have to agree you on that. I've only dated two guys who had sisters, but they had an inherent understanding of women that was comforting... Instead of "oh, you're PMS'ing I'm not going to pay attention to you" it's more of "oh, you're, I'll get the chocolate!!."

Not in wimpy, just in way that is comforatable that women are different in ways; they are friends, not enemies; and they are, despite their difference, also very similar.

A few of them, my ex included, have said that they treat women with the same respect they'd want men to give their sisters.

Correction: They treat women with the same respect they'd expect men to give their sisters. *cracks knuckles*
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Old 11-13-2011, 09:44 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,673,894 times
Reputation: 13242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
A few of them, my ex included, have said that they treat women with the same respect they'd want men to give their sisters.

Correction: They treat women with the same respect they'd expect men to give their sisters. *cracks knuckles*
That reminds me of my brother.
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Old 11-14-2011, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL (Northside)
2,908 posts, read 3,744,363 times
Reputation: 2706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
What's also cool is that he felt the same way about his father. My dad's mom died young and his dad couldn't handle all the kids (there were 8-9 of them). I think he worked an ice truck. Plus this was during the depression, so folk were poor. My grandfather wouldn't allow any of the kids to be adopted out. I'm not sure how he managed it, but he didn't want the kids to not know each other and kept tabs on it. So, in the orphanage they stayed. But, my dad never spoke ill of his father. He was always grateful for those decisions, however hard they were, because he has his brothers and sisters. One of his sister's didn't survive it, but the rest did and they all have families and I have oodles of cousins and now we're all having children. It's a big family.

As mentioned, that doesn't mean there weren't consequences and suffering involved. Clearly, the situation harmed him. When he was a kid he used to hide inside the lockers at his orphanage when he got scared. That rips my heart out when I think of it. But, he managed. And sure, he needs to lean. I can't blame him for that. None of us are perfect and I doubt there are perfect parents any where. Just as there aren't perfect kids.
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