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Aside from having the maturity to accept that the lady can and will move on, possibly to someone she is happier with than she was with you, you may be able to avoid feelings of jealousy by making it a clean break. No Facebook friending, no cyberstalking, no calling to say hi or see how she is doing six months from now. Cut the cord, do not look back, only look forward.
And if you really want to let go, think of all the things she did that ticked you off, and be grateful you no longer have to deal with them. Eventually you will come around to seeing her as just another flawed human being like the other 7 billion people on Earth, but in the meantime, look at the positives of being free, including not having to deal with her issues any more. Nothing to be jealous of there.
STT, I appreciate your attempt to help me, but please keep comments attacking me to yourself. Im not interesting in reading those types of comments basically because I have no intention of continuing this relationship. Thank you for informing me on what OP means.
I agree with the clean break, then go "dark." NO CONTACT. Every time you see her or hear about her will be a trigger until you can get past the emotional/chemical period post-breakup. I think 6-8 months is sufficient to start thinking clearly again.
When I broke up with my guy, I found it helpful to make a list of all the reasons and things he did that made me angry and disappointed. I refer to it whenever I start to feel sympathetic or kind towards his memory.
Thanks to the help of everyone on this forum, I have come to the decision to end my two year relationship.
I know this wont be an easy process, and thats why I am making a new thread.
I was hoping you guys could give me advice on:
1. How to end the relationship(letting go of her with love)
2. How long I should stop talking to her or have no contact(if neccessary)
3. When and Where I should do it.
4. Coping methods with letting go of someone you still love, but doing what is best for the relationship.
5. How to move on and stop being emotionally/physically attached to her.
Thanks
I read that thread and didn't bother to respond, but your too young to be in a relationship. If your about one or two years out of high school you shouldn't have a girl, just get the kitty and keep it moving.
but since you asked for it..i'll respond to your bullet points.
1. You just end it, simple as that. You tell her that the relationship is over (Be a man son). 2. It all depends on you, talk to her when you feel like it. 3. Do it anywhere you feel like it, don't chicken out at the last minute with passive aggressive behavior.
4+5. Have a life, meet (and bang) other women. Stop being so insecure, this will get in the way of other things in life and hold you back from accomplishing goals.
Luckily everything that you've written is something that you should expect at this time in your life. You guys are too young to ask each other for this type of a commitment.
If I could give you one piece of advice it would be to smash at least 11-17 girls. Your still at a very impressionable age where you can't exactly discern between quality and trash with women. By doing this you'll gain some insight and be able to fend off low quality females. This is also a good way to build your confidence as a young man.
As I mentioned earlier, you shouldn't be getting into any type of relationship if your under 25 or 30 for that matter. Keep fit, eat healthy and start making plans for you life. Travel, experience new cities + people, learn languages and experience different foods (and learn how to cook them as well). The world is much bigger than some broad who works at applebees.
When you let the relationship go in your heart and mind that is when you will be free. Jealousy is normal but it shouldn't be too big of a problem considering you should sever all ties. There is not need to see one another, talk on the phone, wrap up loose ends because you are done. Just remember there is something better out there for you and as long as you keep allowing this "non productive" relationship/interaction to continue you are blocking that energy from coming.
Spend time with your friends, work out (not at the gym where she attends), read, get involved with sports, hang with your boys, take a few vacations (Las Vegas will cure you from thinking of anyone else). Meet new people. Don't look for a replacement relationship but look for people you enjoy spending time with and like similar activities.
NO TALKING> No late night regret phone calls.
When you let the relationship go in your heart and mind that is when you will be free. Jealousy is normal but it shouldn't be too big of a problem considering you should sever all ties. There is not need to see one another, talk on the phone, wrap up loose ends because you are done. Just remember there is something better out there for you and as long as you keep allowing this "non productive" relationship/interaction to continue you are blocking that energy from coming.
Spend time with your friends, work out (not at the gym where she attends), read, get involved with sports, hang with your boys, take a few vacations (Las Vegas will cure you from thinking of anyone else). Meet new people. Don't look for a replacement relationship but look for people you enjoy spending time with and like similar activities.
NO TALKING> No late night regret phone calls.
LOL O WOW....late night regret phone calls...happens all too often...
The images that pops into my head that triggers my jealousy are:
1. Her laughing, while holding on to another guy that I feel is better looking than me.
2. Her being sexually satisfied by someone else...
3. Someone I personally know getting together with her
The whole paranoid/jealousy cycle is what killed my relationship. I wasnt the one who started it though, but I most def. participated.
Im not the type of person to distrust someone. If anything, Ive always been the person to trust people too easily, and forgive people at the drop of a dime.
You're mind can be your worst enemy. Try not to dwell in it. Go to the gym as much as you can, good way to keep your mind preoccupied.
Letting go with love means doing what you really would rather not do for the sake of the greater good of all involved.
You two are intertwined in dysfunction and it will be emotionally draining to untangle, so expect this and know that it won't last forever. It will hurt bad in the beginning, but with time it will hurt less and less until it doesn't hurt at all. Our hearts can heal in miraculous ways.
Gah.....I think what I will do is end it on a good note(like how we are right now)
If you wouldnt mind, could I add you and we talk about this in more detail? Im looking to share my experience with someone who is going through a similar situation.
No problem, message me if you want. Here are more tips on breaking it off:
1) As you mentioned, break it off on a good note. Sometimes during a break up argument, harsh words will be exchanged. You might feel the need to defend yourself with retaliation, but know that it may be better to bite your tongue this one last time.
2) There's no magical formula in getting over someone, but I once heard it takes Length of your Relationship divded by 2. So a 2 year relationship will take 1 year to get over her completely. You will think about her everyday for a long time. That will pass eventually.
3) I also recommend not communicating with her for a while. It will just make things tougher for both of you.
4) Break up sex may not be the best idea. I did that once during a break up and we were back together afterwards. It's like when George from Seinfeld banged his assistant and then yelled out "I'm giving you a raise!" We say stupid things during sex. So be careful!
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