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It's a vicious cycle, though. The kids learn that those sick marriages are the norm and will have the same relationships later in life. This approach serves more the selfish reasons of the parents than what's really best for the children. And I'm telling you this as a child of parents who, even though they mellowed quite a bit when they got older, probably would've been better off divorced. I probably would've been better off not watching their sort of a relationship as well.
Wanting to raise my children is not selfish. It is simply the right thing. I didn't have a father. I'm not going to allow anyone to take that away from my kids.
If you agree to separate or take a break, you should define the terms and conditions that apply during that time, and the goal of the break. You really can't assume how things will be for the other person, or what they think it means. If the situation changes, you should discuss how you want things to be going forward, if you are going forward.
Yeah, if the separation was one where both partners agreed they would stay apart for a set time and could see others during the period then I don't have a problem with it. I have not seen this in life but twice and in both cases the couple eventually divorced. On the other hand a separation to get your head straight does not in my mind give someone free reign to cheat. You might as well start invoking the outside the zip code rule.
In this case the guy it seems to me most likely wanted to stand on the other side of the fence and see if the grass was greener. When I have seen this go down and the separation involved cheating those marriages also ended in divorce. Course again I'm only talking about a few examples, you don't see this every day or at least I don't. I'm not going to quote any stats because it seems to me these kind of stats are the weakest in terms of accuracy but among those I have known in life cheating is hard to get past. Usually it means it will end.
It's a vicious cycle, though. The kids learn that those sick marriages are the norm and will have the same relationships later in life. This approach serves more the selfish reasons of the parents than what's really best for the children. And I'm telling you this as a child of parents who, even though they mellowed quite a bit when they got older, probably would've been better off divorced. I probably would've been better off not watching their sort of a relationship as well.
I don't know.
I think you could also teach your kids to run away from their problems too.
A good parent can show a child how to cope with opposition and do it in a dignified manner where they will learn. Kids do see what is going on and whether or not a fight is justified or complications promoted it.
Nobody is perfect. However, you will not be doing any kid a favor by leaving THEIR other parent to bring in a complete stranger to bond a relationship with them in another home. Stability is crushed and their sense of worth is shattered.
I personally think this is a 'selfish move' by a parent. I watched my sister marry, divorce, move, marry, divorce, move, engage, move back, move again. What the heck is THAT!?!?! How could your kids not be ripped to shreads with that lifestyle not to mention this pattern you mentioned would be a divorcing when they get of age and marry.
That's just greedy !
There are a lot of our posters on here who make a big deal about getting any woman at all, and this dude gets two ?
I expect all the whiners to be crying into their beers tonight.
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme
Is it ok to sleep with someone else?
Case in point: the husband of someone close to me left her and although there was never talk of a divorce they were separated (maintained contact) for a few months. They've since reconciled and he confessed during the time apart he slept with someone else.
Thoughts.
In all seriousness tho, if they were seperated with a view to divorce, then no, I don't consider it cheating. Even if the divorce hadnt been discussed, or finalised.
If it was a "this marriage is over" break, not guilty.
If it was a " a little time apart", then guilty, but there could be mitigating circumstances.
The first time I seperated from my crazy ex-wife, it was meant to be just a trial, but she was seeing someone else within the month. Although I've always suspected it was going on before she left !
Ironically enough, we'd been seperated for a year before I figured it was most likely over and started to see someone else. She found out and tried to use adultery as grounds for divorce !!
I think you could also teach your kids to run away from their problems too.
A good parent can show a child how to cope with opposition and do it in a dignified manner where they will learn. Kids do see what is going on and whether or not a fight is justified or complications promoted it.
Nobody is perfect. However, you will not be doing any kid a favor by leaving THEIR other parent to bring in a complete stranger to bond a relationship with them in another home. Stability is crushed and their sense of worth is shattered.
I personally think this is a 'selfish move' by a parent. I watched my sister marry, divorce, move, marry, divorce, move, engage, move back, move again. What the heck is THAT!?!?! How could your kids not be ripped to shreads with that lifestyle not to mention this pattern you mentioned would be a divorcing when they get of age and marry.
Yes, nothing would be more selfish for a parent (and I hate to say it, but usually it is the mother) to initiate divorce because she doesn't want to be in a marriage anymore. That destroys the kids' lives, and of course, the father's.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,958,764 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
I don't know.
I think you could also teach your kids to run away from their problems too.
A good parent can show a child how to cope with opposition and do it in a dignified manner where they will learn. Kids do see what is going on and whether or not a fight is justified or complications promoted it.
Nobody is perfect. However, you will not be doing any kid a favor by leaving THEIR other parent to bring in a complete stranger to bond a relationship with them in another home. Stability is crushed and their sense of worth is shattered.
I personally think this is a 'selfish move' by a parent. I watched my sister marry, divorce, move, marry, divorce, move, engage, move back, move again. What the heck is THAT!?!?! How could your kids not be ripped to shreads with that lifestyle not to mention this patter you mentioned would be a divorcing when they get of age and marry.
Boy. Good points. I'm torn. But I still lean toward not staying in a miserable marriage because it just teaches them how to live in misery. I divorced but stayed single. I didn't want someone in and out of my home and life while my kids were growing up.
I can see your point if the parents can learn to deal with their misery and not just try to hide it because you really can't hide it from the kids. On the other hand, my kids saw how miserable their parents were but my son was angry at us just the same for divorcing. He went through a terrible angry period. Later he said he understood completely.
Wanting to raise my children is not selfish. It is simply the right thing. I didn't have a father. I'm not going to allow anyone to take that away from my kids.
I'm totally behind you Lucario!!
Too many children raised without their fathers and it is messing up the world.
Good job for staying and raising your children.
I have only 6 more years in December till the door opens for the doves to fly out to freedom. Hee Hee.
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