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Old 11-14-2011, 03:14 PM
Status: "52 days till college football" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Houston, Tx
7,085 posts, read 3,789,586 times
Reputation: 6957
Maybe she would have felt better if you would have slept with her then dumped her, instead of being honest with her.

 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,511 posts, read 11,179,164 times
Reputation: 9078
As others have probably already said, you can't really help who you're attracted to. It's silly to get upset with a friend for not forcing themselves to be attracted to someone they're just not.

What I think is kind of funny is when someone--man or woman--gets to know another incidentally (maybe because they had to spend time with them at work or some other reason) and it's someone they'd never have given a second look at because of their looks/weight but they end up falling in love with them, despite their.....high standards. LOL
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:20 PM
 
904 posts, read 565,985 times
Reputation: 762
Should not bother you a bit! Never change your desires to accommodate others
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:20 PM
 
1,736 posts, read 1,184,766 times
Reputation: 1565
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
Maybe she would have felt better if you would have slept with her then dumped her, instead of being honest with her.
I wouldn't do that.

I would definatly sleep with someone to get to know them, because communicating always seems to be so much easier after "the deed", because people are usually so much more honest and open afterwards,
but being with someone to hurt them is just the act of a heartless douche imo.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
12,408 posts, read 9,383,075 times
Reputation: 18721
You weren't wrong for not pursuing someone that you weren't attracted to. And bonus points for having a decent interaction with her, letting her down easy, and not being jerky to her face.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
12,386 posts, read 8,098,811 times
Reputation: 8068
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
I'm being called a superficial hater here...and below is how it went down...
Ok so I was at the club this friday with some friends, male and female.
During this visit I approached some women, got turned down a couple of times, and then I just danced around for a while, and then went for a beer.
While standing there sipping, talking etc there was this noticably overweight girl who sort of approached me, so one of my female friends who was there seemed to try to "wingwoman" this girl by giving her compliments that would imply an agreement from me and so on.
So being polite I agreed she had the cutest dress everand had a certain glow to her in red...
So this girl starts coming on to me, and I turned her down saying something like
"I'm flattered but I'm dating someone".
I think she didn't believe me as she'd probable seen me talk to other girls before etc but she got the hint.

And today I met my female friend again, and we talked some and after a while she makes this really poisonous comment about how I'm such a superficial jerk turning down a girl who was overweight while I had just spent an hour and a half trying to chat other women up. I got a bit pissed, because I think I was as nice as I could be to a person I wasn't attracted to at all. My female friend basically said "if you can go for any woman with a skirt for half the night, why suddenly so selective?" etc The way I see it I don't have to justify who I'm attracted to.

But how superficial is it really?
I work out on average 1,5 to 2 hours/day, am very concious about what I eat etc I'm 6'4, 215~lbs, fit.
At her bodycomposition she have more than likely been aware of having a weightproblem for well more than a year, and never along the way has she halted the process and turned it. To me this means that she either lacks the knowledge, ambition or willpower to make a change.
And putting appearances aside, this would make for a huge clash in terms of lifestyles. I mean if I go on a tripp with a gf for example I wanna go snowboarding, bungeyjumping, riverrafting etc, would a notably overweight person even handle that?

So what do you think is considering someones weight as a dealbreaker really superficial?
Since you're so comfortable being direct, next time slip her your number on a piece of paper and tell her, "When you lose 30 pounds, call me".

I think the effect you had on her would be exactly the same. Doesn't matter if you said anything directly or not, she got the point. Especially after you were throwing yourself at other women in plain view.

If you're at a nightclub you're not there to meet Mrs. Right, you're there to meet Miss. Right Now. That overweight girl at the club was too good for you and you did her a favor.

Maybe you could think about making a friend next time instead of excluding her because you were specifically looking for someone who's bones you'd like to jump.

Men in clubs are looking for a hot body. Whatever that means to them.

See you at the club! You'll be easy to spot. Just like all the rest of the superficial guys looking for temporary hot tail.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:24 PM
 
143 posts, read 42,459 times
Reputation: 262
I think it is perfectly reasonable to want a partner who puts as much effort into their appearance as you do. That isn't too much to ask.

Especially when you're in the dating pool, you should be putting as much effort into looking good as you can. It is possible this girl was heavier and is in the process of losing weight. Still, doesn't mean you have any obligation to be attracted to her.

No one should have to make excuses for not being attracted to someone.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Not Nowhere
1,321 posts, read 912,045 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
So what do you think is considering someones weight as a dealbreaker really superficial?
Assuming that the weight you're talking about is subcutaneous tissue, of course it's superficial. I don't think that necessarily makes you shallow, though.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,035 posts, read 2,260,686 times
Reputation: 1280
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
During this visit I approached some women, got turned down a couple of times, and then I just danced around for a while, and then went for a beer.
#1 - You cannot help who you are or are not attracted to and if you weren't attracted to her then there is nothing more to say. It doesn't seem you were rude to her.

But

#2 - Your specs are great, but obviously the women you attempted to charm didn't buy it so something is up. I think you're one of those guys who works out obssessively to have a great body but the face or possibly the face/personality combo isn't as great. A good-from-far-far-from-good type.

Not trying to be rude, but you passed judgement on someone based on her appearance. Others passed judgement on you based on yours. I think you are one of the many, many guys who aims way too high.
 
Old 11-14-2011, 03:28 PM
 
1,736 posts, read 1,184,766 times
Reputation: 1565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
As others have probably already said, you can't really help who you're attracted to. It's silly to get upset with a friend for not forcing themselves to be attracted to someone they're just not.

What I think is kind of funny is when someone--man or woman--gets to know another incidentally (maybe because they had to spend time with them at work or some other reason) and it's someone they'd never have given a second look at because of their looks/weight but they end up falling in love with them, despite their.....high standards. LOL
It's not so much that I have "high standards" that she'd have to be a "10" or anything like that, I have 3 deamands:
*Somebody who I'm physically attracted to
*Someone I have good chemistry with
*Someone I can do plenty of stuff together with
(3rd one including ski-trips, maybe adventure drips going diving, bungeyjumpin, river-rafting etc)

If I'd find these 3 things in someone I'd figure the rest will work out on way or the other.
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