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So... it's almost been a year. I mentioned a few months back to him that entertaining the idea of moving in together could be a good next step for us. (for the "Right" reasons) His lease is up in Jan, mine is up in April.
We discussed living together here and there, and I am ok with the idea. I got a phone call today that he has decided to stay in his current place because the apt complex is going to take $10/ mth off his rent and my heart just sank. He took the opportunity without even thinking twice about it. Nor did he even think to talk to me about it. I'm not pushing him for marriage or lifetime committment, I just feel that I'm not going to waste years on something and then have him just decide to find someone better - whatever.
I was completely speechless, told him congratulations on his deal and couldn't find words to describe the hurt I felt. so the conversation just went silent. I can either A. give him another year to decide what he wants to do, or B. take the exit route.
Our current relationship is great, we live in the same complex and see eachother 5-6x a week he's over at my place. I guess I'm not really looking for advice I just really needed to vent this because well, if I hold it in I'm feel like I just want to fall apart.
This is terrible. I'm going through the same situation currently. My bf's lease is up in Feb and if he moves it will be close to his job. About 45 minutes away. Im trying to be quiet and not pressure him but he knows that in my heart I would love to move in with him.
Im going to leave well enough alone, but I decided if he chooses to move without me I am going to let the relationship go.
If Im not worth living with he's not worth the drive everyday. Its difficult, but its something I've promised myself.
I dont know if that helps, but I understand what you're feeling.
living in the same complex now, and we both go to school / work in a close area. I think it would be thoughtful for him to ask if I wanted to move in with him.. Personally I'd rather we get a different place together rather than move in on one anothers place.
I think i'm just most upset at the fact that he didn't consider how I might feel about him just making a decision like that on his own. especially after we'd begun talking about it.
Not sure I have great advice, other than to say I think you will want to have a conversation with him about long term expectations of the relationship, and work co-habitating into it. Tell him where you stand, that you feel it is maybe a must thing for the next step in the relationship, and see where he is on it.
How strong is he in negotiations. I wonder if he got "talked" into renewing with the discount rate.
You guys want to move together and he is staying at the same apartment. Doesn’t necessarily mean he does not want to continue with the plan. It just means it will be at the spot he has been living before. What is so hurtful? Has he said he does not want to live with you anymore?
Not sure I have great advice, other than to say I think you will want to have a conversation with him about long term expectations of the relationship, and work co-habitating into it. Tell him where you stand, that you feel it is maybe a must thing for the next step in the relationship, and see where he is on it.
How strong is he in negotiations. I wonder if he got "talked" into renewing with the discount rate.
Can he sub-lease there?
These apts have a tendency to get talked into "this great deal" they have for him. He looks at is as easier because his current place has no problems and he's getting confortable. I'm going to take some time to think about how I want to approach the topic with him.. we're supposed to take a trip out to cocoa beach this weekend to visit his grandparents and do some kayaking around the canals where they live. I'm honestly considering calling it off and letting him go alone so I can get some time to myself.
So... it's almost been a year. I mentioned a few months back to him that entertaining the idea of moving in together could be a good next step for us. (for the "Right" reasons) His lease is up in Jan, mine is up in April.
We discussed living together here and there, and I am ok with the idea. I got a phone call today that he has decided to stay in his current place because the apt complex is going to take $10/ mth off his rent and my heart just sank. He took the opportunity without even thinking twice about it. Nor did he even think to talk to me about it. I'm not pushing him for marriage or lifetime committment, I just feel that I'm not going to waste years on something and then have him just decide to find someone better - whatever.
I was completely speechless, told him congratulations on his deal and couldn't find words to describe the hurt I felt. so the conversation just went silent. I can either A. give him another year to decide what he wants to do, or B. take the exit route.
Our current relationship is great, we live in the same complex and see eachother 5-6x a week he's over at my place. I guess I'm not really looking for advice I just really needed to vent this because well, if I hold it in I'm feel like I just want to fall apart.
Sadly as "great" as your current relationship is, he is just not ready or willing to take things to the next level with you.
Are you sure he fully understood that you were hoping the next step for you two would be a more committed relationship that involved living together?
Were you clear when you conveyed your feelings and desire to move in together?
If so, and he still made the choice to renew his lease, you have a tough choice to make.
Since you guys are apparently not on the same page about your future, you have to decide to put aside your own desires and just conform to what he is comfortable with - or, break it off with him so you can move on to find someone else.
Only you can decide what you can and can't live with, so there is no right or wrong answer here. Best of luck with your decision.
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