BF cant work because of his health (wife, woman, family)

[LadyKLO]

If I truly loved the person, I could do it. I was the bread winner when I was married so I don't see the big deal in it. My current boyfriend has medical issues but his don't stop him from working thank God but for me, it would be a non-issue. I actually wouldn't mind a house husband but that's another thread for that!

[Texas User]

At this point. This is a health issue and he should see a doctor and get treatment.

[RazorRob305]

Originally Posted by ash25

Hi all
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago
I love him and love spending time with him but heres the thing
Hes to unwell to work because of headaches and dizzy spells. Has been for a while
He told me this early on in the relationship about his health and I seemed ok with it at the time.
But now Im starting to doubt things. Our future..my future.

Theres a chance he may never be able to work..He gets benefit money and is able to just support himself. But what about a future with him as one day I would like a house and family. Live a comfortable lifestyle.
I wont be able to do this with him as he wouldnt be able to provide much

He says he loves me and feels guilty not being able to provide. He says I deserve better.
He said he would be able to contribute around the house and do other things to help.
Hes a nice guy, good looks etc but when i think of a future with him..there would be alot of strain financially.
Would you stay with a guy who was in this situation?

How about giving up on these material fantasies of comfort and American standards that we've been brainwashed with by TV these last few decades and instead of that why not actually love someone who loves you no matter where you live or how much this dude makes?

If he has benefits coming in he obviously has health problems, so why cut love off from him over 'standard of living'? It's not his fault he's sick. The 'financial strain' comes from your expectations. If that is so important to you, why not strive to be the person who brings home the kind of money you want to live on as he chips in with his benefits?

These days women and men now have equal rights ect..., but it seems women are stuck thinking that relationships should still function like before the times of equal rights....Think about it and good luck!

[bobman]

Sorry, haven't read all the replies, so tis might have been said before.

I can see both sides of this debate.
I have a heart condition which has been recently discovered.
Being a truck driver, it means I'm about to lose my truck licence. It's what I've done all my life, so I have no experience elsewhere. If I lose my job, it'll be very difficult to get work, and re-training isn't an option as funds won't allow a return to education.

Having also been unemployed previously, I know what it's like.
I know all too well how easy it is to fall into the trap where you just can't get work, Eventually, it leads to depression, and that complicates the issue massively !!
Coupled with his illness, I could see how that would be a problem.

Among the long term unemployed, there are some who just don't want to work, some who can't, and some who would, but are trapped in the whole "circumstances-depression-inexperience" circle.

So far as your b/f is concerned, maybe some more details are required.
Firstly, if his illness is genuine, and he truly can't work, then I'm afraid there's a responsibility on you to look at your life goals and decide what's your priority.
If you truly love this man, and think he is "the one", then you can still have all the things you desire, but you whave to accept that you may be responsible for getting them yourself. After all, if you were single, you'd have to get it all anyway.
It depends whether you desire love more than status. It may still be possible to have both, but at some point, you may have to choose.

So far as he's concerned, again, you haven't provided details of the severity of his illness, but for many people who are prevented from work by illness, they probably could work, but they just need to find a job which suits them, or a position where an employer doesn't rely on them entirely and would be understanding about time off.

First suggestion would be to see if there are any support groups available which could help him find a way into work.

Perhaps have a look and see if there is any voluntary work he could do, maybe help out with a charity or something.
When we have an illness, we put up a protective circle around ourselves, it becomes "our limits", we think we cannot exceed them.
Sometimes we want to, but can't. Sometimes we can, but won't, sometimes they are an excuse.
Sometimes, our "real limits" are much further away than our "projected limits"

Perhaps if your b/f can become comfortable with pushing "his limits" then he'll find there are things he can do that he either never thought he could, or didn't realise he could.
I know with my illness, I immediately stopped doing most physical things, and began to be over cautious. If I did anything at all, I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack. I've now discovered that I can still enjoy walking, cycling, and most "normal " things. THings I never imagined I could do.

Voluntary, or part time work can be the first stepo to pushing the limits to find out where they actually are, rather than where we think they are.

Originally Posted by ash25

Hi all
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago
I love him and love spending time with him but heres the thing
Hes to unwell to work because of headaches and dizzy spells. Has been for a while
He told me this early on in the relationship about his health and I seemed ok with it at the time.
But now Im starting to doubt things. Our future..my future.

Theres a chance he may never be able to work..He gets benefit money and is able to just support himself. But what about a future with him as one day I would like a house and family. Live a comfortable lifestyle.
I wont be able to do this with him as he wouldnt be able to provide much

He says he loves me and feels guilty not being able to provide. He says I deserve better.
He said he would be able to contribute around the house and do other things to help.
Hes a nice guy, good looks etc but when i think of a future with him..there would be alot of strain financially.
Would you stay with a guy who was in this situation?

[Opsimathia]

No I wouldn't. Because if he can do things around the house he can find some sort of job. And what is he doing to manage these health problems? Anything? New doctors? New meds? Dietary changes? What?

My current would get migraines so bad he would puke his brains out, and black out. But he still manages to do 70+ hour work weeks these days. It took years to find the right meds to manage it but he kept trying.

[round4]

I think if you ask, you already know the answer and just looking for agrement. It's up to you, I feel like if I loved him, it wouldn't be a question, I'd make do...sounds to me like you think you deserve better as well, based on what you've posted here...my advice is to do what you already are wanting to do, move on, he deserves someone who will be completely happy with him.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by barkomatic

You could still have a house and a family--but you'd be the bread winner. There are a growing number of stay at home Dad's these days. If he is able to maintain a household and take care of children that's not such a bad setup--but obviously its a personal choice.

I agree with you barkomatic....though I have a feeling that round4 above is probably right!

[Suncc49]

Originally Posted by RazorRob305

How about giving up on these material fantasies of comfort and American standards that we've been brainwashed with by TV these last few decades and instead of that why not actually love someone who loves you no matter where you live or how much this dude makes?

If he has benefits coming in he obviously has health problems, so why cut love off from him over 'standard of living'? It's not his fault he's sick. The 'financial strain' comes from your expectations. If that is so important to you, why not strive to be the person who brings home the kind of money you want to live on as he chips in with his benefits?

These days women and men now have equal rights ect..., but it seems women are stuck thinking that relationships should still function like before the times of equal rights....Think about it and good luck!

^^^^
Very true.... I think you are looking for the McMansion, SUV, and juicy couture lifestyle dream track and placing a high value on these transparent statuses that some in society place value on.

If he is on disability and he worked before, then he has income. This is about your expectation of being taken care of financially by a man. Hopefully you provide something in return.

If this was a man considering this, people would be raging on him. That said, it sounds like you don't see him as a man/protector anymore and are losing attraction etc.... The relationship being new, you should be honest about things and move on.

[heetseeker]

Originally Posted by ash25

His headaches a fairly constant..Well over the last 10 months he hasnt borrowed from me so he is able to support himself. He just cant save for himself and for the future.
Blondiel...are you saying he deserves no one??? I disagree

why would he have to save for the future if he gets ssdi? Go look somewhere else for love.

[BabyBoomers2]

Because of your age and "vision/dreams of the future", IMO totally understandable how you feel! You haven't experienced a nice house or family yet and you are worried about that with this guy......again, understandable to ME.

I'm not saying you should leave him, but a lot of young ladies want the "white picket fence home",family, etc. A lot of people want nice things in life! Call it "material stuff", but many of us want those things and nothing wrong with that! If that's what you want, you're not being selfish, you're just with the wrong guy to have those things. You have dreams and he's outright telling you that he can't help you achieve those dreams! So, you either give up your DREAMS or leave him. It can be a hard decision, but it is up to you......none of us!
Good luck!