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I think you are simply going through a process of problem solving which can be frustrating.
How do you learn to tolerate? That was difficult for me because it did not happen overnight. I had to remind myself until it became my normal thought process. I also needed to interact with these people for the experience but I did not make "friends" with them. There is no one solution because what worked for me did not work for other people.
Here is how I started out:
1. Decide if the behavior is hurting me physically or if that is what it will lead to. Intuition is key here.
2. If "no" to question 1 above, be content that I am "safe" around this person.
3. Accept that those around me are those I chose to be around. I am where I want to be. They are to be treated as most important and be treated well.
4. How did I do #3? I read a book called "How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk." It actually applies to these kinds of adults. LOL! In fact, the skills I learned in this book have improved all of my relationships, even with those kinds of people, (which I suspect I was also.)
Good luck, Creme!
wow, thank you so very much...good sound advice, and I'm going to get that book, thank you!!!!!
wow, thank you so very much...good sound advice, and I'm going to get that book, thank you!!!!!
You are welcome. I saw the book at our local library. All I needed to read from the author was one thing and it had to do with allowing people to trust their perceptions. That has nothing to do with your OP but that was why I picked it.
He sounds like he is starved for affirmation. I worked for a guy like that once - he could never please his father growing up and at 40 was still like a little puppy trying (so desperately) to get approval. And the having to always say everything he has/has done is the best is a cry for affirmation as well - he feels worthless without the designer labels. I bet he's a name-dropper too. These are individuals to be pitied and to be handled with grace and compassion. That's my two cents. Not fun to work with or for because they can be nice and pathetic at the same time, and at the end of the day, it's just kinda sad.
He sounds like he is starved for affirmation. I worked for a guy like that once - he could never please his father growing up and at 40 was still like a little puppy trying (so desperately) to get approval. .
As a person who went through this, I was completely unaware of how I was being perceived. It truly is pathetic but I am grateful to nice folks like you.
The recipe thing, is just a prime example of his behavior...he tells everyone he's this gourmet chef, yet he comes to me with questions about cooking...yeah, its a small thing of many...he's gotta have center stage at all times...and I do notice, he tries very hard to refrain to me about this stuff...and goes to the rest of the group...and brags...he knows I don't go for it, nor will I allow him to get away with it....and no, I DO NOT HATE HIM...no one does...so please try and read between the lines...
He does sound like a little kid to me stuck in a man body. I find those types amusing even when annoying. Its like the personality is almost to big for life and peeled off a movie script. I would probably end up treating him like a little bro.
He does sound like a little kid to me stuck in a man body. I find those types amusing even when annoying. Its like the personality is almost to big for life and peeled off a movie script. I would probably end up treating him like a little bro.
... the point of this thread is, I want to change, I want to overlook the bad, and not allow it to irritate me or make me angry...it's not really him that concerns me, it's me and my reactions to him that I want to change, realizing, it's impossible to be 100% perfect...just feel like there is something in this for me to learn...no, correction, I know there is..like being more tollerant, patient and being able to ignore the irritating parts like the others do.
I think you are approaching this wrong. You are trying to change yourself to be in conformity with him. Think of how silly that sounds. You are first and foremost a human being and secondly an employee. You shouldn't have to lower your dignity in order to maintain employment. If he is saying something offensive, you have an obligation as a human to correct him. Obviously you need to do so in a respectfully way as he is your boss, I realize that. But don't pretend that you will only be happy if you can learn to tolerate his inappropriate behavior.
Look at it this way: you are doing him a favor by making him aware of his insensitiveness to others. In the long run, that will be good for his career and interpersonal relationships.
It sounds to me like you are the mature one and he has more to learn from you than vice-versa.
I could maybe to a temp training on office sensitivity. Otherwise employed. LOL
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That was difficult for me because it did not happen overnight. I had to remind myself until it became my normal thought process. I also needed to interact with these people for the experience but I did not make "friends" with them. There is no one solution because what worked for me did not work for other people.
