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What about them? Most Greek men engaged in same-sex activity, while being married to women and having mistresses. Greek/Roman culture was absolutely nothing like modern day gays.
I didn't say same-sex activity didn't exist, I said sexual orientation was unknown. Having sex with both men and women was common in ancient cultures. But no one had any clue that people were biological predisposed to be attracted to a certain sex exclusively.
Fundie Christians haven't the foggiest understanding of the Bible but they continue to condemn gay people based on pure ignorance, like the OP.
That doesn't change the fact that the OP betrayed his nephew and his own parents disowned him. No excuse for that, regardless of how you may feel about sexuality. I couldn't imagine turning my back on my own children but then I'm also not a narrow minded bigot.
Because you're okay with family members being involved in the (gay) porn industry? Where they're likely to contract HIV from another performer? Good for you, then.
What about them? Most Greek men engaged in same-sex activity, while being married to women and having mistresses. Greek/Roman culture was absolutely nothing like modern day gays.
I didn't say same-sex activity didn't exist, I said sexual orientation was unknown. Having sex with both men and women was common in ancient cultures. But no one had any clue that people were biological predisposed to be attracted to a certain sex exclusively.
Fundie Christians haven't the foggiest understanding of the Bible but they continue to condemn gay people based on pure ignorance, like the OP.
So homosexuality clearly predates the 19th century, despite what you just said in Post #76.
Quote:
Homosexuality was not even discovered until the 19th Century A.D
Yes, although if the family was shocked to find out he was gay (after having vehemently lied about it) they were probably profoundly distraught to find out about the gay porn acting (which the nephew hadn't told them about). If you want to prvoke a homophobic response in your family members, this is the way to do it. I have more sympathy for the family than the gay porn guy.
No, you are commenting without reading.
They knew he was in gay porn for a YEAR, and while they were not happy with it, they didn't break down into hysterics because (and this what the OP said) he insisted that although he was having sex with MEN for money, he was TOTALLY STRAIGHT. And the OPs family believed that (which tells you volumes about the intelligence level of the OPs family). Because to them, gays for pays is okay, but gay for reals breaks the deals.
They didn't go bat crap insane until he actually came out a year later. So they knew he was in porn and it didn't tear the family apart, it was the "I am gay" that causes hysterical breakdowns.
Read before you comment dude.
TO THE OP and all the homophobic supporters you have here....
The NEPHEW in your story is not required to disclose ANY aspect of his sexual life to you. So for those of you raking him over the coals for not admitting he was gay in the beggining:
1) He might not have come to terms with the fact that he was gay when he first started porn. He might have genuinely believed he was straight or at least bisexual and was just taking a job opportunity that came along. Sometimes sexuality is confusing to gay people, especially when you grow up around religious fools and morons, and it makes it hard to admit to yourself that you are indeed gay. If he wasn't ready to admit it to himself, how could he possibly admit it to you? Pegging him as a liar is stupid.
2) Even if he did lie, it was none of your buisness to even ask him. Do you go up to other memebers of your family and discuss personal aspects of their sex lives? Do you know your sisters favorite sexual positions? Do you know how many times your mother has had sex in public? Do you know how many vibrators your daughter owns? When your family gets together for Christmas do you sit around and talk about nothing besides whose porking whom and with what? No? So with straight family members you can have conversations about love, money, the weather, football etc etc etc and you never once have to ask them if they prefer missionary to doggie style. But your gay nephew has to be shunned by the family because the spector of him being *gasp* a HOMOSEXUAL, outshines any and all other subjects you can talk with him about?
Then, as Icing on the cake, you keep posting multiple threads about this subject asking for help, and when people give you honest advice (like "seek therapy for your homophobia") you stamp your foot and say "I don't need strangers to tell me what to do!". THEN WHY DID YOU POST YOUR PROBLEMS TO STRANGERS???
There is just so much lunacy associated with the OP's various posts, that I have to wonder if she has some type of diagnosed social or mental disorder. I don't mean that as a slam...I mean her writing and her stated actions (and that of her family) make it sound like she has hystrionic personality disorder coupled with dependent personality disorder. The fact that she says she has a therapist leads me to believe she knows about her personality disorders too, if she is seeing a REAL THERAPIST (and not just some unliscensed christian counselor).
But because I am a nice guy, I will play devils advocate and actually tell you how you can REALLY heal your family, if that is truly what you want.
1) Your family (minus your nephew) needs to go to family counseling, especially the hysterical members of your family, like you, your sister, and your mother. The OP personally displays a habitual ignorance of personal boundaries (you revealed your nephews sexuality against his will, you revealed your mothers embarassing reaction to his sexuality to an anonymous online forum, you revaled your sisters private embarassing reactions...). You seem to be a bit of a gossip and thrive on being "in the know". However, all the times you have shared gossip (in your stories on city-data) have revealed that you have suffered SEVERE negative consequences by not keeping information to yourself. Even so, you cannot recognize these negative consequences, and you continue to gossip! Therapy will help you curb this negative behavior, which has proven to be more destructive to your family then your nephews penchant for homo sex.
2) You, your sister, and your mother show that you thrive on hysterical and overblown reactions to simple situations in life. None of you went on hunger strikes when your nephew was a paid sex worker....but when he revealed that he was in love with men, you all resorted to histrionics. Your nephew is going thru a hard time in life right now, and rather than try to help a man you claim to love, you go on hunger strikes and pout in bed for a day and a half (dont' you realize that you are too old to be pouting?). When grown people have hysterical reactions to the point of harming themselves (which is what a hunger strike does) then they need to seek real psychiatric help. It sounds to me that you should concentrate less on your nephew (who according to you is functioning fine) and concentrate on your mother, sister and yourself, as you are the ones that are not fully functioning adults right now.
I fervently hope that your nephew decides to disown you all, because that would probably be the best thing for him. Because your nephew is a gay man, he has a wonderful opportunity in this life that not a lot of people get. Namely, he is going to get to choose a 2nd family. Because gay people are often disowned and shunned by their families, they often get to form surrogate families with each other that are just as strong and loving as birth families. As long as your nephew remains in the porn industry, he will have trouble meeting supportive upstanding gay people. However, being a paid sex worker, either gay or straight, is usually only temporary and hopefully it will introduce him to a gay culture and community that will be far more accepting and loving than the mother that gave birth to him. Maybe one day, you and your family will work thru your mental issues and will be ready to be part of his life, and maybe you won't be, but at least he will be able to build a life for himself. And that is something that ALL young men long to do, gay or straight. If I were him, I would just pretend you all don't exist.....But that's just me.
But if YOU want to heal YOUR family, as you say, then you need to concentrate on the REAL problems your family faces...namely you all have mental disorders that are going untreated.
Because you're okay with family members being involved in the (gay) porn industry? Where they're likely to contract HIV from another performer? Good for you, then.
Theo, I strongly suggest that you go back and read the posts from the beginning. It is not the fact that he is involved in the gay port industry that all this is going on. The family knew this beforehand. It was the full coming out of the closet that has them up in arms.
Homosexual, Porn Acting Nephew Tearing Family Apart
. . .
I need some help on ideas of how to repair my family. All families have bumps in the road, but I am not convinced this is one we can overcome. Things like this just don't happen to us.
It appears that many in your family are intolerant bigots, but I would have to say that the person tearing your family apart is YOU.
Your nephew's sexual orientation is really none of your business to judge. He probably came to you because he thought he could trust you to give him a nonjudgmental reaction and you responded not only by attacking him but also by going behind his back to the rest of his family. Your reaction and the reaction of the rest of the family is exactly why some people have a very hard time coming out to their families.
It is also why they are entitled to come out to their families and anyone else at a time and in a way that they choose, not you. You committed a serious and possibly irreparable breach of trust.
What can be done at this point? Well, if you think the fix is for your nephew to deny who he is for your benefit you will get nowhere.
You and the rest of the bigots in your family need to realize that if you ever hope to have a decent relationship with this young man you will need to accept him as he is. If you all need to seek therapy to do this, then you should start immediately.
If your preference is that your nephew suffer discrimination, mistreatment, and rejection because of who he is then you have no chance of "repairing" your family.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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There are a lot of people posting in this thread who are full of it.
It would be the most natural thing in the world to feel some shade of disappointment to learn that a child has identified himself as homosexual. Acceptance without some resistance isn't real. I think that a mother or father who just jumped onboard immediately would be hiding true feelings, dysfunctional or maybe codependent. I'm not saying that it's okay for a parent to have a "I hate you, wish you had never been born and never want to see you again!" reaction but I am saying that it's totally normal to have some recoil at such an announcement and I don't think it would be unreasonable for the child to expect as much (the child can also expect his good, healthy parents to come around to support him at some point). Add to that that your child is a gay pornographer. That REALLY is not okay. I'm not sure what the long term survival outlook is for 20 year old pornographers, let alone their respective career and family prospects, but I'm certain that it isn't very optimistic.
If you blindly accept a homosexual child that is delving into a very, very dark place that will kill his future because you think the worst thing you can be is a hardass who may be painted a bigot then you're a sh*tty parent. There may not be anything you can do about a child of majority age who wants to hang himself, but you sure as hell don't have to like it or make him feel like you're okay with it.
There are a lot of people posting in this thread who are full of it.
It would be the most natural thing in the world to feel some shade of disappointment to learn that a child has identified himself as homosexual. Acceptance without some resistance isn't real. I think that a mother or father who just jumped onboard immediately would be hiding true feelings, dysfunctional or maybe codependent. I'm not saying that it's okay for a parent to have a "I hate you, wish you had never been born and never want to see you again!" reaction but I am saying that it's totally normal to have some recoil at such an announcement and I don't think it would be unreasonable for the child to expect as much (the child can also expect his good, healthy parents to come around to support him at some point). Add to that that your child is a gay pornographer. That REALLY is not okay. I'm not sure what the long term survival outlook is for 20 year old pornographers, let alone their respective career and family prospects, but I'm certain that it isn't very optimistic.
If you blindly accept a homosexual child that is delving into a very, very dark place that will kill his future because you think the worst thing you can be is a hardass who may be painted a bigot then you're a sh*tty parent. There may not be anything you can do about a child of majority age who wants to hang himself, but you sure as hell don't have to like it or make him feel like you're okay with it.
I can tell you for a fact that I would have NO ISSUE at all if my child came out as gay, but then I have tons of friends who are gay. I would have potential issues with them doing porn though. Certainly not the type of issues that would have me bedridden for days on end
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