I think I want to stop approaching women...too much time and energy wasted for nothing.. (girlfriend, older)

[MIKEETC]

Originally Posted by Hagen

Well...I'm truly tired of rejections...it's not that it bugs me , but after approaching literally hundreds of women..rejections were all I got...


...

Hundreds?

[maybe you should do something else]

[hyperion88]

Originally Posted by MIKEETC

Hundreds?

[maybe you should do something else]

ha...that's what I am doing....

[Doctor Blues]

Originally Posted by chielgirl

With your attitude, we'd appreciate it if you'd take your proposed approach soon.

If you're getting that many rejections, consider that it just might be you, not them.

Of course YOU don't have any attitude.

[Doctor Blues]

Originally Posted by Ulysses61

If you're had hundreds of rejections, it's YOU, not the women.

Trust me, Sean Connery, Paul McCartney or Prince Harry haven't been rejected in their lives.

Don't bet on that. The report out of Brad Pitt's mouth is that before he became famous women turned him down all the time.

And BTW nobody's ever going to turn down royalty; your claim about Harry means nothing.

[Soviet]

Originally Posted by Doctor Blues

Don't bet on that. The report out of Brad Pitt's mouth is that before he became famous women turned him down all the time.

And BTW nobody's ever going to turn down royalty; your claim about Harry means nothing.

Every girl dreams of being a princess

Dumb broads.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

Really? How odd. I did online dating for oh...about 5 or 6 years...and never once had any communications with any men that had such a picture on their profiles. Perhaps it's just the younger ones that do that, but whatever the case -it's NOT a good presentation...it simply looks idiotic.

I totally agree. I would not contact any guy online with a mirror picture. It makes you look like you have no friends or social life. I mean, everyone has a camera phone, has there been no single occasion in the past year when someone took a candid picture of you?

Also your look in the photo is really... intense. This is unappealing to many women. Most are looking for someone who is generally happy, carefree, has a good sense of humour, joie de vivre, etc. Your photo describes a complicated guy with a lot of emo baggage.

[carra]

Hagen, what is making you fail with the girls you interact with (doesn't matter if you approached them or just met in some other way) are your intentions. Your purpose. See, what you actually do or say to a girl matters little. What she will care about is WHY you do it, which will of course affect how you do it and how she perceives you.

Let me give you an example: At a mall or walking through the street, did you sometime get approached by a salesman trying to sell you something? I bet you have. Well tell me, did you like them? To me they are usually annoying, even creepy. But the real question here is: why are they annoying? They say the right things. They act nice. So what is it?

It is their motivation. You can somehow see it in their approach, in the way they act. You know that they are FAKING nice, because they want something from you. See, women notice this same thing in you. Even if you try to fake it they will spot it at some point.

So, what is the solution? Change your motivation. You have to realize a couple of things here:

1) That many women will not like you, no matter what you do or look like, and you have to accept it.
2) That, because of 1), your self-worth is not in jeopardy when you speak to a woman. You are not actually worse if she rejects you. At the same time, you are no better person than before if she likes you.

See, you cannot base your self-worth in any external factor (like the opinion of others) because if you do that you are not free. You will be conditioned in the way you act because your goal is always (even if unconsciously) getting others to like you. Follow this path and your mood will turn into a roller coaster depending on what happens you at each moment.

Instead, how you value your life and your situation is defined by yourself. YOU have to inspire yourself with the things you do and believe. You have to learn to accept your limitations and mistakes. All of this is not easy, it needs a shift in your way of thinking and does not happen overnight. But when you start it, you know that you are on the right path.

[Rabbitluvr]

Originally Posted by carra

Hagen, what is making you fail with the girls you interact with (doesn't matter if you approached them or just met in some other way) are your intentions. Your purpose. See, what you actually do or say to a girl matters little. What she will care about is WHY you do it, which will of course affect how you do it and how she perceives you.

Let me give you an example: At a mall or walking through the street, did you sometime get approached by a salesman trying to sell you something? I bet you have. Well tell me, did you like them? To me they are usually annoying, even creepy. But the real question here is: why are they annoying? They say the right things. They act nice. So what is it?

It is their motivation. You can somehow see it in their approach, in the way they act. You know that they are FAKING nice, because they want something from you. See, women notice this same thing in you. Even if you try to fake it they will spot it at some point.

So, what is the solution? Change your motivation. You have to realize a couple of things here:

1) That many women will not like you, no matter what you do or look like, and you have to accept it.
2) That, because of 1), your self-worth is not in jeopardy when you speak to a woman. You are not actually worse if she rejects you. At the same time, you are no better person than before if she likes you.

See, you cannot base your self-worth in any external factor (like the opinion of others) because if you do that you are not free. You will be conditioned in the way you act because your goal is always (even if unconsciously) getting others to like you. Follow this path and your mood will turn into a roller coaster depending on what happens you at each moment.

Instead, how you value your life and your situation is defined by yourself. YOU have to inspire yourself with the things you do and believe. You have to learn to accept your limitations and mistakes. All of this is not easy, it needs a shift in your way of thinking and does not happen overnight. But when you start it, you know that you are on the right path.

Well, yeah, the OP DOES want something from these women he approaches so I'm not getting what the issue is with his 'motivation'? Are we not all motivated by the same things - love, companionship, and God forbid, SEX? Seems to me that you are telling him that he shouldn't have any motivations at all.

A rant is coming on because I've been thinking about this issue lately... yeah, it's all right for OTHER PEOPLE to have those things but not me - or, in this case, the OP. Got it.

[hyperion88]

Well...I do want something when I approach.....and yes....we all have to fake it...men and women fake it.......people don't want the truth.....they just want a lie good enough to give them bliss.....even though I want to have sex, date and have a meaningful relationship with someone..there's a whole process that has to be followed...call it courtship if you will... I can't just walk up to a girl and say: " hey I would like to have sex with you" or " hey I like you..would you like to go on a date with me one of these days?"( unless of course you display a good per$$$onality)....we all follow a process....and within this process we hide the bad parts and polish the good ones.....if there's no motivation..there's no purpose....we live because we are motivated by something no matter how small...

[Rabbitluvr]

Originally Posted by Hagen

Well...I do want something when I approach.....and yes....we all have to fake it...men and women fake it.......people don't want the truth.....they just want a lie good enough to give them bliss.....even though I want to have sex, date and have a meaningful relationship with someone..there's a whole process that has to be followed...call it courtship if you will... I can't just walk up to a girl and say: " hey I would like to have sex with you" or " hey I like you..would you like to go on a date with me one of these days?"( unless of course you display a good per$$$onality)....we all follow a process....and within this process we hide the bad parts and polish the good ones.....if there's no motivation..there's no purpose....we live because we are motivated by something no matter how small...

Apparently, your motivations are 'wrong'. and you're not the first one to have been told that - both overtly and covertly. I've been told that too...