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You might as well face it, for some reason, he's just not interested in you. My guess is that there are lots of men that are not interested in dating you. You've been the one who initiated all the contacts, so he's been trying to be nice and get together, but he doesn't want to date you. You'll probably never know why, just like lots of men who have wanted to date you over the years don't know why you don't want to date them. My guess is that you didn't tell each one of them why you didn't want to date them, like too short, smell funny, get a job first.
There is this guy I like. I've known him for a long time about 6 years, I've always had a crush on him and supposedly according to him he has a crush on me too. However, we only hang out maybe like 3 times a year.
I have the feeling that the reason he would never seriously date me is because I'm not as successful as him.
He makes $120,000 a year, he's a software engineer and graduated from NJIT. He is 27 years old, and attractive.
I make about a 5th of his salary, I graduated from a mediocre college with a business degree. I'm 24 years old, and attractive.
He says that I don't accept that he likes me. I don't believe him in that he never makes an effort to see me, I always have to make the effort. He said he doesn't like himself. I feel like he is giving me the whole "It's not you, it's me" excuse.
I personally think he would prefer to date an average looking girl who is smart and successful. Whereas, I consider myself with to be above average looks, average intelligence, and have mediocre success.
What does everyone think?
1)Is it possible he would date me even though I'm less successful and intelligent?
2)Do you think he was just being nice and letting me down?
3)Wouldn't he be bored of me in the long term?
Any advice/comments/related stories welcome.
If he wont go out on a date with someone for those reasons, then he is a superficial person whom you shouldnt be interested in...regardless of his cuteness . While its somewhat important to carry on a good conversation with someone over dinner, its not imperative you both be on the same level intellectually or socio-economically. I wouldnt spend alot of time pycho-analyzing this person...and instead, id take the attitude that if its not meant to be then youll move on to other prospects. Theres plenty of people out there who are available and interesting., try a large local Church that has an established Singles Adult Ministry that do social things, study pertinent topics, go on trips, dances, etc... They are usually a very safe atmosphere .
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I'm shocked at how many men I have known who were interested in a woman and struggled with her low income/education and their love and desire for her. One ended up choosing a woman with a high paying job in her rich family's business over the one he was in love with. Years later, he still regrets it. It happens more than you think. I think it's a certain personality type that chooses security over love and it's a bigger struggle for them than you might think. Love isn't always enough for some people.
I'm shocked at how many men I have known who were interested in a woman and struggled with her low income/education and their love and desire for her. One ended up choosing a woman with a high paying job in her rich family's business over the one he was in love with. Years later, he still regrets it. It happens more than you think. I think it's a certain personality type that chooses security over love and it's a bigger struggle for them than you might think. Love isn't always enough for some people.
Kind of reminds me of my Dads double standard for me and my sister ; he would tell my sister 'Its just as easy to fall in love with a Lawyer as it is a Garbage Man'...then he'd tell me ' Find yourself someone who can cook, clean, and if shes not the brightest light on the Christmas Tree dont be too concerned about that' !
Back to your response...im afraid that too many people have a conditional 'love' toward another based on extraneous things they deem as high worth in a relationship. For me personally, im especially attracted to the Gal that is more humble, layed back , has good direction in her life, has superb inward qualities, and who is lower maintenance . If all that comes with a Southern accent, im done in ...... you may as well sign me up !
I'm shocked at how many men I have known who were interested in a woman and struggled with her low income/education and their love and desire for her. One ended up choosing a woman with a high paying job in her rich family's business over the one he was in love with. Years later, he still regrets it. It happens more than you think. I think it's a certain personality type that chooses security over love and it's a bigger struggle for them than you might think. Love isn't always enough for some people.
This is comparing two extremes and likely neither extreme would work.
As an accountant, I've been in a good position to see the types of guys who marry into wealthy families with mostly or only daughters. They didn't "choose" to marry such a woman, they were chosen. These guys are not unlike a trophy wife although, their lifestyle is often very different and their behavior is often that of someone who is maturing very slowly. Their father in law often had difficulty keeping them constructively employed and out of trouble. Letting them go out of town on business, is asking for trouble.
At the other extreme, guys who marry women who earn 1/4 to 1/5 what they do, often find money is an issue. For her, it's like she's won the lottery and we all know what such winners tend to do. In contrast, such men want to build their family's wealth and success and chafe at her profligate ways. Many of the divorced guys who I know, have a similar story. As hard as they tried to build wealth and pay down debt, she would stick him with a massive surprise debt every year or so.
If she doesn't work at all, at least he has the ability to put her on an allowance but having an income, no matter how meager, is a license to spend.
They may find finding her difficult, but successful men who are intelligent want a successful wife, not a father in law who is successful. They leave such women for the boy toys.
I'm shocked at how many men I have known who were interested in a woman and struggled with her low income/education and their love and desire for her. One ended up choosing a woman with a high paying job in her rich family's business over the one he was in love with. Years later, he still regrets it. It happens more than you think. I think it's a certain personality type that chooses security over love and it's a bigger struggle for them than you might think. Love isn't always enough for some people.
true, but it's all situational.
My buddy who is a 9 (naval academy football player, aviator, harvard MBA, high paying dandy ass sales job job, and studly looks) wants a woman that is successful and a peer to be his mate in his quixotic quest to form a power couple. He wants his mate to have demonstrated high level success in some endeavor.
he wants looks, top 50 school (as he describes it), and a career. He also wants someone between the age of 25-27. He is early 30s.
for him the idea of a power couple and his delusions of a governor's mansion mean more to him than love. he loves his idea more than he loves other people.
now, if he was 50 on a second marriage i think he would seek happiness in a mate instead of checklist.
OP, I'll let you in on a little secret that applies to most men: A woman's income, schools attended, career, and social status aren't major factors when deciding whether or not to date her (and definitely not when deciding whether or not to sleep with her).
This is so true and something women don't understand. It's more of a tie-breaker than a deal-breaker.
As others have alluded to, so long as a woman has some sort of job and/or ambition, then you've passed a threshold. For most men, it's looks and personality.
My buddy who is a 9 (naval academy football player, aviator, harvard MBA, high paying dandy ass sales job job, and studly looks) wants a woman that is successful and a peer to be his mate in his quixotic quest to form a power couple. He wants his mate to have demonstrated high level success in some endeavor.
he wants looks, top 50 school (as he describes it), and a career. He also wants someone between the age of 25-27. He is early 30s.
for him the idea of a power couple and his delusions of a governor's mansion mean more to him than love. he loves his idea more than he loves other people.
now, if he was 50 on a second marriage i think he would seek happiness in a mate instead of checklist.
No offense, but your buddy is has his priorities out of whack.
IMHO, of course.
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