35, still a virgin and don't worry about it...? (sex, friends, social)

[td333]

I think I won that argument.

[recuerdeme]

Very odd indeed.
I think you have a fear of something... very profound.

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by recuerdeme

Very odd indeed.
I think you have a fear of something... very profound.

I think it's more a case of being sensible than having a fear.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I think it's more a case of being sensible than having a fear.

Fear-based decisions often masquarade as sensible, safe choices.

Just sayin'...

[Checkered24]

OP...

I know what you are dealing with. Literally.

I was at a point in my life in my early 30's where I had never been kissed. never been with a woman. I worked hard in school and in my 20's to get educated, establish a career, travel, own cars and nice toys....

I always knew something was missing, but I felt so much anxiety and pressure around women I just could not be natural and had a heck of a time getting second dates. (I could get firsts, when I conquered my anxiety enough to try).

The anxiety and difficulty only got worse for me as I got older. Not because of judgemental women, but because of my FEAR women would be judgemental.

So I figured it was my lot in life to be single. I could do whatever I wanted otherwise, have fun, work hard, etc. I tried to continue to convince myself everything was right. Yet deep down, I knew my life was incomplete.

I thankfully found help in my faith (thank you God) to help overcome my fear. I also found a wonderful woman who was attracted to me, and not judgemental about my "lack of experience."

I couple years later now, I am engaged and very happy! My fiancee is my partner and my best friend!

Also, with 20-20 hindsight, I wonder what I was so worked up over anyway. Having the companionship and intimacy is great in so many ways, and nothing I should have been fearful or anxious about.

So I would encourage you to put your fears, anxieties, or whatever aside and put some effort into it. Don't stress about it, but meet women, date them, talk to them, be relaxed and let things flow. The right woman is not going to judge your past or your decisions, but see you for who you are now. So don't be discouraged!

You won't know what your really missing until you get out there and give it a try!

[mistym]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

Hey, if you're happy with your life then who am I to judge. Do you. However, if it's a matter of being afraid to approach women, then have your boys help you out. All the best.

[MyAdvice]

You are FINE! There is NOTHING wrong with you! Don't compare yourself to others! While being a virgin at 35 is not the 'norm', it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal. You were busy with other matters in your 20's and so you are getting a late start. You will meet a woman when the time is right. Just think: you are saving yourself a lot of grief with the heartbreak associated with relationships. A LOT of men out there are just like you. They are late bloomers and it just does not matter. Enjoy your life now, join a dating site, let people know you are looking and you will attract a woman when you relax about this I understand your concern...but it's one worry you don't need to spend energy on. Believe me!

[Runninglikethieves]

As for MyAdvice (pun intended), please stop bumping these ancient threads. We already have a couple recent threads discussing "I'm (insert age) and a virgin, is this normal?" Threads already. 😂

[MNTroy]

Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves

As for MyAdvice (pun intended), please stop bumping these ancient threads. We already have a couple recent threads discussing "I'm (insert age) and a virgin, is this normal?" Threads already. 😂

Does it really matter if someone bumps an old message thread? It is not hurting anyone and it is encouraged by city data anyway.

[Runninglikethieves]

Originally Posted by MNTroy

Does it really matter if someone bumps an old message thread? It is not hurting anyone and it is encouraged by city data anyway.

The annoying thing about the bumping of old threads is when someone replies to them and responds to posts that are years old, which are more often than not, by posters who haven't even been on in years themselves. And many times, the person bumping the thread is replying as if they aren't even aware that the thread is years old and the people they're replying to haven't even logged on in 3 or 8 years or whatever.