35, still a virgin and don't worry about it...? (man, love, single)

[mllex]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Yes I live in the West and just one of my friends knows I'm still a virgin. He's basically the only one I can trust with these personal topics.

I'm not bothered such as 'OMG what's wrong with me? Get me a date?!', but I've searched some similar threads around here and people always seemed bothered by their situation.

Of course I won't lie. In a perfect world I would have a nice wife and at least one kid (I would really like children). In the real world we should know our personality, our boundaries and our coping skills. So that's why I'm single.

Well, if you're using these forums as a gauge...the forums slant West. People who post here of course are bothered by their situations. That doesn't mean you should take what you see here to heart, if you're fine with where you are.

Still, if you would like to have a relationship that leads to marriage and children, but fear that anger issues prevent you from having a healthy relationship, then it is time to do something about it. Therapy, meditation, whatever works.

Here's an anecdote for you: An acquaintance of mine just got married this year at 37. I can tell you that he has never had a girlfriend or kissed a woman before his wife. She's 32...most likely a virgin herself, though I've never asked. Like you, he spent much of his youth studying and building his career (and has a dog ). By western standards and these boards, he would've been regarded as a "freak," but in his and her culture they were fine. (BTW, they're both immigrants, but he's lived in the US for 25+ years.) It's simply accepted that some people have late starts. In fact, that he has been so focused on building a good career and his lack of "relationship baggage," so to speak, were seen as positive factors.

You're not a freak. And IMHO, you're self-aware enough to change your situation, if you wish it.

[007.5]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

Just think of the STD's you havent acquired as a result of treating your sexuality in a responsible manner (and so far) treating this area of your life under Gods protection for you .

[Retroit]

I wouldn't worry about it. I know a lot of happy people that have never been married or had a serious relationship (not positive about their virginity - don't care). And I've known many, many miserable married people and people who spent their life going from relationship to relationship in a desperate attempt to find someone who will put up with them.

[tegota]

Originally Posted by Retroit

I wouldn't worry about it. I know a lot of happy people that have never been married or had a serious relationship (not positive about their virginity - don't care). And I've known many, many miserable married people and people who spent their life going from relationship to relationship in a desperate attempt to find someone who will put up with them.

Amen.

[jessishot]

nobody needs sex/relationships, get over it. people don't date in general.

[Mr. Freak]

I've never a girlfriend (or sex) and I'm already 66. I lived with my parents all my life and got the support I needed with my illnesses.

You don't need love from women as long as you have parents or someone else who is willing to help you in life.

[DepressedKid]

Originally Posted by mllex

^ I agree with this. If you're not bothered by your current situation, why would you be asking whether it is normal?

Additionally, I'm going to venture a guess that you live in the Western hemisphere. There is certainly a degree of social and peer pressure to not be a virgin (sexual or relationship-wise) after one reaches a certain age.

Why should I care what society thinks? The male elites in society treat everyone like a number but they don't know and cannot decide what is good for everyone. I think society should respect virginity and celibacy.

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

You are certainly free to let your fears rule your life and make all kinds of excuses like those above to justify your choices.

But again, that just makes me sad for you.

I think it's just a matter of perspective. I would love to have kids but having kids is not something you can try and then if you don't like it, you can send them back.

I ultimately know my personality won't adapt to a woman's constant wants and needs and then the real trouble begins.

I'm not having any negative influence in anyone's life. But yes, my mother makes a lot questions about my girlfriend. She seriously thinks I must have tons of women at my feet, I love her innocence.

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by 007.5

Just think of the STD's you havent acquired as a result of treating your sexuality in a responsible manner (and so far) treating this area of your life under Gods protection for you .

That doesn't scare me, I'm sure I would be very careful if I had a sex life.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I think it's just a matter of perspective. I would love to have kids but having kids is not something you can try and then if you don't like, you can send them back.

I ultimately know my personality won't adapt to a woman's constant wants and needs and then the real trouble begins.

I'm not having any negative influence in anyone's life. But yes, my mother make s a lot questions about my girlfriend. She seriously thinks I must have tons of women at my feet, I love her innocence.

The sad thing is, you really believe everything you just said.

This is the kind of behavior many people engage in when they want to justify not doing something they are too afraid to try.

Just sayin'...