35, still a virgin and don't worry about it...? (long-term, how to, girl)

[oceanman76]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

Why do you have 2 cars?

[Nudetypist]

Originally Posted by oceanman76

Why do you have 2 cars?

Cause he's got excess money saved up from not having to chase after women. haha we all know how expensive that can get.

[jobaba]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

To answer your question, it is very abnormal.

See, there are multiple pressures to pursue love: social, biological, and emotional.

When you see your friends getting married and having children, you can always justify that you don't need to conform to social pressures and can fill your life with other pursuits. There is also the social stigma of not being able to relate to people when they are talking about sex and relationships. But, that can be circumvented somewhat. And you can also be an antisocial hermit.

The biological draw to mate and have sex with women you find attractive is strong. But your libido subsides as you grow older and can be satisfied with porn.

These first two in my mind can be relatively easily suppressed. I have gone lengthy stretches without thinking too much about women, filling my life with work, my artistic passions, and porn.

But the third one always gets me. I'll be cruising along, and then I'll meet and get to know a woman. Then, I'm bitten by the love bug, and it's all over. It takes an extraordinary willpower to never develop an emotional attachment to a woman. Even if I get rejected by that woman (usually the case), the light switches on in my head, and I realize that love is worth pursuing again.

Maybe your wiring is different, but for most people, these pressures are too much to suppress.

I'm around your age and know one guy our age who is like you. He's not interested in pursuing or even talking about women, sex, or relationships. Or really too many other things. He's a weird guy to me. But if you're happy, who's to say you should change.

[Texas User]

What is your ethnicity?

Originally Posted by Virijat

Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

[ElysianEagle]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

The sad thing is, you really believe everything you just said.

This is the kind of behavior many people engage in when they want to justify not doing something they are too afraid to try.

Just sayin'...

i get the same feeling about the OP as well...

[Amelie90]

Originally Posted by Virijat

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

Well, you can't miss what you've never had. I think you can be fulfilled in life without having a romantic relationship, but I don't think that just because you're 35 it won't ever happen. So keep yourself open to the possibilities, but continue to enjoy life on your own as you've been doing.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Texas User

What is your ethnicity?

I wondered that too.

We seem to get quite a few non Americans here on relationships with these kinds of issues don't we?

[ybflady13]

err.. i'm 23 and unexperienced.. now i don't feel too bad. oh, im american and non religious

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by ybflady13

err.. i'm 23 and unexperienced.. now i don't feel too bad. oh, im american and non religious

You're still plenty young enough to find out about the things you don't yet know

[ybflady13]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

You're still plenty young enough to find out about the things you don't yet know

i know some things already i just havent found anyone i feel completely comfortable with i think