35, still a virgin and don't worry about it...? (Asians, men, older)

[passionatearts]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I'm okay with myself so whatever issues I may have, who cares? I don't like therapists, too much talk and little results.

I was just asking this because I think most people in my situation would somehow be bothered by it and I'm not.

In several other posts you've made on this thread, you've indicated that in "perfect world," you'd have a wife and kids. If you don't want that and aren't bothered by the fact that you're a virgin, then why did you start this thread? I think you're making all sorts of excuses for why you're unable to date, and your lack of willingness to confront and deal with your fears is going to keep you from getting what you want.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I don't why you would be sad. First I never talked about such personal issues with my mother and secondly, if you are referring to grandchildren, don't worry, she already has 2 grandsons.

Your mother doesn't know you have never had a girlfriend? Actually, I would be willing to bet she does. It amazes me that she has never commented or discussed it with you though. She must approve of your chosen celibate lifestyle for some reason.

[Osito]

Originally Posted by spinx

I think it bothers you that you are not bothered by it.

If you're happy living alone and dying alone, why would you care if you are a "freak specimen"?

Do whatever you want to do and hope that you don't look back one day and regret not trying.

I think sometimes even if someone were to feel content with their life/choices, all it takes is one well-placed comment or incident to make peoople doubt themselves, either temporarily or long-term. That's normal.

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

I used to think that a "40 year old virgin" was just a movie or fiction, but I have been seeing a lot of people here at CD who are in their 30's and never had sex or have been with a woman.

I find this so bizarre because there are so many women out there who may not be all that attractive but are totally open to having a one night stand or even a fling.

I don't understand how anyone could go that long without EVER getting lucky, I think therapy is probably the best thing for you, hate to say this but something just ain't right!

I understand what you're saying but what you don't understand is that a man in this situation has no idea how to find a woman who is open to this. Usually a virgin 30-plus is either so unattractive that he doesn't have a chance with a woman who's not on the clock or he's unattractive and so clueless about how to talk to women that he doesn't have a chance.

[penguin_kernel]

Originally Posted by Lucario

I understand what you're saying but what you don't understand is that a man in this situation has no idea how to find a woman who is open to this. Usually a virgin 30-plus is either so unattractive that he doesn't have a chance with a woman who's not on the clock or he's unattractive and so clueless about how to talk to women that he doesn't have a chance.

He could put up a sign next to his house saying * LOOKING FOR WIFE, HOUSE INCLUDED *

[Suncc49]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I think it's just a matter of perspective. I would love to have kids but having kids is not something you can try and then if you don't like it, you can send them back.

I ultimately know my personality won't adapt to a woman's constant wants and needs and then the real trouble begins.

I'm not having any negative influence in anyone's life. But yes, my mother makes a lot questions about my girlfriend. She seriously thinks I must have tons of women at my feet, I love her innocence.

You have alot of catching up to do... the kind of skills you need to develop to turn around your socially inept tendencies take time to develop....

I am guessing that you are of Indian origin with the userid....

It is my understanding that Indian men are generally the leaders of their households, but your context growing up was shaped much differently with your mother.

You seem to have been conditioned to hate men and quite possibly yourself, for the transgressions of your father.

You need professional therapy, but it is not in your culture to seek that help.

Why don't you experiment with a "professional", a high class one. See what a proper kiss does to your mind, body, and senses. There really is nothing like a good kiss and caressing a fine woman. To not know such is a hollow existence.

Rough play with your dog wouldn't even compare........

[cdubs3201]

OP: I can tell you at 28 years old, there's definitely relationships I've had where I wish I had never even met the girl. I wouldn't mind being a virgin at this stage in my life because then I probably wouldn't be such damaged goods from an emotional standpoint. I wish it was new to me still and I hadn't been burned as many times as I had, because with each time I get burned by a girl I care strongly for I lose a piece of my soul that allows me to care for another person. I may be at that point in my life where I will never care for a woman again because I know in my heart how it will eventually end.

[Suncc49]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

OP: I can tell you at 28 years old, there's definitely relationships I've had where I wish I had never even met the girl. I wouldn't mind being a virgin at this stage in my life because then I probably wouldn't be such damaged goods from an emotional standpoint. I wish it was new to me still and I hadn't been burned as many times as I had, because with each time I get burned by a girl I care strongly for I lose a piece of my soul that allows me to care for another person. I may be at that point in my life where I will never care for a woman again because I know in my heart how it will eventually end.

Don't see yourself as a victim then and get rid of the defeatist attitude. See them as learning experiences and at least now you have some experience to see what you don't want.

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by penguin_kernel

He could put up a sign next to his house saying * LOOKING FOR WIFE, HOUSE INCLUDED *

That may do the trick.

[STT Resident]

I don't agree with the posters here who've suggested the OP seek counseling nor those who feel "sad" for him nor those who tell him he's not normal. Seems to me that he's simply curious when the world around him seems entirely populated by those who don't have a relationship and want one and those in relationships who want to get out of them. Other than that there seems no indication that he's tearing his hair out bemoaning a fate nor so distraught with his situation that he's dysfunctional.

Thank goodness we're not all cut from the same cloth and that there are "different" people out there. Sounds like he has a very nice life, all in all.