35, still a virgin and don't worry about it...? (guy, loving, cheated)

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by STT Resident

I don't agree with the posters here who've suggested the OP seek counseling nor those who feel "sad" for him nor those who tell him he's not normal. Seems to me that he's simply curious when the world around him seems entirely populated by those who don't have a relationship and want one and those in relationships who want to get out of them. Other than that there seems no indication that he's tearing his hair out bemoaning a fate nor so distraught with his situation that he's dysfunctional.

Thank goodness we're not all cut from the same cloth and that there are "different" people out there. Sounds like he has a very nice life, all in all.

I think he has a nice life in many ways, but that he feels that he is missing something and doesn't know how to go about finding it.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Lucario

I think he has a nice life in many ways, but that he feels that he is missing something and doesn't know how to go about finding it.

At the end of your life, as you draw your dying breath, you won't care a wit about all the "nice" things you had - the cars, the homes, the vacations, the toys.

You'll only care about who was there, not what was there.

I think our OP instinctively knows that too but is allowing his fears of intimacy and failure to keep him from making any changes to his situation.

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

At the end of your life, as you draw your dying breath, you won't care a wit about all the "nice" things you had - the cars, the homes, the vacations, the toys.

You'll only care about who was there, not what was there.

I agree.

I think our OP instinctively knows that too but is allowing his fears of intimacy and failure to keep him from making any changes to his situation.

Yes, despite the fascinating combination of indifference and bravado that comes through the post, OP is somewhat scared and worried. Only he can take the steps needed to change his situation.

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by oceanman76

Why do you have 2 cars?

One is my day to day car and the other one is a classic I inherited from my grandfather.

Originally Posted by jobaba

But the third one always gets me. I'll be cruising along, and then I'll meet and get to know a woman. Then, I'm bitten by the love bug, and it's all over. It takes an extraordinary willpower to never develop an emotional attachment to a woman. Even if I get rejected by that woman (usually the case), the light switches on in my head, and I realize that love is worth pursuing again.

Oh yeah I know what you mean. The biological part gives the urges, I'm a straight guy after all. I just manage to control them.

Originally Posted by Texas User

What is your ethnicity?

White, Caucasian. 100% Western.

Originally Posted by ElysianEagle

i get the same feeling about the OP as well...

Well, I have to be firm in my beliefs, otherwise it would be a pretty bad situation. I suppose if someone had found a lifelong partner and was firm in the belief of staying with him/her, you wouldn't find it strange...?

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by passionatearts

In several other posts you've made on this thread, you've indicated that in "perfect world," you'd have a wife and kids. If you don't want that and aren't bothered by the fact that you're a virgin, then why did you start this thread? I think you're making all sorts of excuses for why you're unable to date, and your lack of willingness to confront and deal with your fears is going to keep you from getting what you want.

I'm not denying I'm curious, if I was asexual it wouldn't matter but I'm not. Whatever fears I may have, I'm think I'm doing okay with them.

Originally Posted by zentropa

Your mother doesn't know you have never had a girlfriend? Actually, I would be willing to bet she does. It amazes me that she has never commented or discussed it with you though. She must approve of your chosen celibate lifestyle for some reason.

My mother is always asking about my girlfriends, when I'll get married, have kids. I just laugh and usually ignore the questions.

She might know I never had one but I doubt it. Things like this were never discussed with my parents, we don't talk about such personal issues because that requires a high level of trust and my parents are too formal for that.

My mother doesn't have to approve or disapprove anything though, she's not my owner.

Originally Posted by Osito

I think sometimes even if someone were to feel content with their life/choices, all it takes is one well-placed comment or incident to make peoople doubt themselves, either temporarily or long-term. That's normal.

Yes there have been certain comments, mostly from my friends that sometimes makes me question my choices.

[Virijat]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

OP: I can tell you at 28 years old, there's definitely relationships I've had where I wish I had never even met the girl. I wouldn't mind being a virgin at this stage in my life because then I probably wouldn't be such damaged goods from an emotional standpoint. I wish it was new to me still and I hadn't been burned as many times as I had, because with each time I get burned by a girl I care strongly for I lose a piece of my soul that allows me to care for another person. I may be at that point in my life where I will never care for a woman again because I know in my heart how it will eventually end.

I imagine that. In meantime one wastes years and years of resources like money and time.

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

At the end of your life, as you draw your dying breath, you won't care a wit about all the "nice" things you had - the cars, the homes, the vacations, the toys.

You'll only care about who was there, not what was there.

I think our OP instinctively knows that too but is allowing his fears of intimacy and failure to keep him from making any changes to his situation.

I care about the "nice" things but I'm not obsessed with them. Once again, you seem to be ignoring that other people also bring you frustration, sadness etc. The bad times weight the same as the good times and in my case the rough times have always been bigger and lasted more. Why would I be lucky now?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Virijat

I imagine that. In meantime one wastes years and years of resources like money and time.



I care about the "nice" things but I'm not obsessed with them. Once again, you seem to be ignoring that other people also bring you frustration, sadness etc. The bad times weight the same as the good times and in my case the rough times have always been bigger and lasted more. Why would I be lucky now?

I didn't say you are "obsessed" with nice things.

I just said nice things can't replace PEOPLE, love, relationships when it comes to the quality of a life

Sure, sometimes people you love will frustrate you, upset you, maybe even hurt you , but love and good companionship are worth the risk.

Because it's equally true that the people you love can fill you in ways you can't even imagine right now. Take you to heights of sublime joy, give your own life meaning it never had before.

Nothing ventured, NOTHING gained.

[jobaba]

Originally Posted by cdubs3201

OP: I can tell you at 28 years old, there's definitely relationships I've had where I wish I had never even met the girl. I wouldn't mind being a virgin at this stage in my life because then I probably wouldn't be such damaged goods from an emotional standpoint. I wish it was new to me still and I hadn't been burned as many times as I had, because with each time I get burned by a girl I care strongly for I lose a piece of my soul that allows me to care for another person. I may be at that point in my life where I will never care for a woman again because I know in my heart how it will eventually end.

Originally Posted by Virijat

I imagine that. In meantime one wastes years and years of resources like money and time.

Well. That's not the best way to look at it. You need relationship experience to be able to handle an average woman. You need to know how to talk to her, make advances towards her, and what to do in bed if you get that far. Otherwise, you are counting on a woman to lead you the whole way. In your situation, the odds of that happening are small.

CDubs is taking for granted all of his experience, but he doesn't realize that its building him into a man that is better suited to find himself a better relationship.

I'm trying to figure out if you're a real person or a clever poster who has decided to have some fun by creating an online persona.

I really do find it hard to believe that an otherwise normal, social person could be so blase about never having sex or relationships at your age. Like I said before, the pressures are enormous.

[Texas User]

Caucasians are suppose to have it easy on dating in USA.

[Ulysses61]

I don't quite get all the vitriol dumped on the OP. There's got to be millions of 35 year old virgins (and far older) in the world, they just don't advertise it. It's not something you announce around the water cooler, "Hey, guess what!? I'm 35 and never gotten laid!"

Is it unusual? Sure. Is it unprecedented or "harmful" or dangerous? No. Is it evil, hurting other people or wicked? No.

I've known men with very low sex drives and to whom sex isn't the "end all and be all." I've also known quite a number of women like this. And people on this Forum have posted links to various Asexual Forums, which are populated by plenty of men who claim to hate or fear sex.

Whatever floats your boat. People tend to put their mindset and interject their feelings into this question. Sort of like, "God, how could ANY man live without sex? I get it 5 times a day and I am still sex starved!" which is a way of bragging and probably has no relation to the truth. If the OP doesn't want intimacy, doesn't want sex with anyone and is OK with that, who are we to belittle him or say he has to have this experience?