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Old 11-20-2011, 12:03 PM
 
842 posts, read 965,850 times
Reputation: 704

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Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:23 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
650 posts, read 1,421,161 times
Reputation: 610
You don't know what you're missing.

If you're fine with it, then I guess it doesn't matter. Just make sure you are fine with it before you're really too old. At this point of your life, I think you need to try it before you conclude that fact.
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,102 posts, read 3,622,822 times
Reputation: 2685
It sounds like you have some very deep-seated issues that are preventing you from having a fulfilling social life. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 81,715,046 times
Reputation: 39500
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
Hi all, I've been following these boards for some time know.

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?
It is not the norm to have no desire for intimacy with at least one other human being in our lives.

It seems more likely to me that you've either let your fear of intimacy thoroughly convince you you're better off alone, OR maybe you just have low testosterone and are asexual.

Either way, it's your life to live to the fullest, or not.

If you think you are happier this way then so be it.

But if I were your mom I'd be really sad for you
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,437 posts, read 5,044,310 times
Reputation: 3376
I used to think that a "40 year old virgin" was just a movie or fiction, but I have been seeing a lot of people here at CD who are in their 30's and never had sex or have been with a woman.

I find this so bizarre because there are so many women out there who may not be all that attractive but are totally open to having a one night stand or even a fling.

I don't understand how anyone could go that long without EVER getting lucky, I think therapy is probably the best thing for you, hate to say this but something just ain't right!
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Rochester, N.Y
2,725 posts, read 3,684,497 times
Reputation: 4618
The longer you go, the harder it will.....Uhh forget it. What's the point. Your already headed to movie status..

I'd wish you luck, like I do most everyone, but I don't think luck will help. I think you have completely convinced yourself that you don't need, want, or care to have an intimate relationship..I can't imagine there is anything that any of us could say to change your mind. I will say this. You aren't getting any younger. You better use it before you can't.

If I were you, I would go get some psychiatric help with this. I don't think this is normal by any means. You not only never had sex, but never even kissed a girl???? God, I think I've accidently kissed girls at one time or another..How? Why? What could...Oh, what's the point. Good luck with all that..
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:53 PM
 
842 posts, read 965,850 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudetypist View Post
You don't know what you're missing.

If you're fine with it, then I guess it doesn't matter. Just make sure you are fine with it before you're really too old. At this point of your life, I think you need to try it before you conclude that fact.
Yeah perhaps I'm missing but I only know one side of the coin, so it doesn't really matter. I know myself very well and I doubt I would fit with anyone.


Quote:
Originally Posted by passionatearts View Post
It sounds like you have some very deep-seated issues that are preventing you from having a fulfilling social life. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
I'm okay with myself so whatever issues I may have, who cares? I don't like therapists, too much talk and little results.

I was just asking this because I think most people in my situation would somehow be bothered by it and I'm not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post

It seems more likely to me that you've either let your fear of intimacy thoroughly convince you you're better off alone, OR maybe you just have low testosterone and are asexual.

But if I were your mom I'd be really sad for you
I'm not certainly not asexual, I surely visit XXX sites with a certain frequency.

I don't why you would be sad. First I never talked about such personal issues with my mother and secondly, if you are referring to grandchildren, don't worry, she already has 2 grandsons.
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:56 PM
 
842 posts, read 965,850 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
I used to think that a "40 year old virgin" was just a movie or fiction, but I have been seeing a lot of people here at CD who are in their 30's and never had sex or have been with a woman.

I find this so bizarre because there are so many women out there who may not be all that attractive but are totally open to having a one night stand or even a fling.

I don't understand how anyone could go that long without EVER getting lucky, I think therapy is probably the best thing for you, hate to say this but something just ain't right!
I know there are many women around but I don't think you could say I ever tried to get one, I don't even how that's done or how you start a conversation without looking ridiculous or sound boring.
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Old 11-20-2011, 12:58 PM
 
842 posts, read 965,850 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
If I were you, I would go get some psychiatric help with this. I don't think this is normal by any means. You not only never had sex, but never even kissed a girl???? God, I think I've accidently kissed girls at one time or another..How? Why? What could...Oh, what's the point. Good luck with all that..
Psychiatric help would be going a bit too far...I never kissed a woman because it simply never happened. Not everything has some very complex psychological reason behind it. Besides, there were always too many guys around me in those situations, much better looking and who know how that's done.

Last edited by Virijat; 11-20-2011 at 01:16 PM..
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 81,715,046 times
Reputation: 39500
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virijat View Post
Yeah perhaps I'm missing but I only know one side of the coin, so it doesn't really matter. I know myself very well and I doubt I would fit with anyone.




I'm okay with myself so whatever issues I may have, who cares? I don't like therapists, too much talk and little results.

I was just asking this because I think most people in my situation would somehow be bothered by it and I'm not.



I'm not certainly not asexual, I surely visit XXX sites with a certain frequency.

I don't why you would be sad. First I never talked about such personal issues with my mother and secondly, if you are referring to grandchildren, don't worry, she already has 2 grandsons.

If I were referring to being sad about no grandchildren from a son like you, then that would be making it about myself

No, I'd be sad for any son of mine who was so hurt and fearful of intimacy that he would convince himself he'd rather be alone just to avoid dealing with his fear.

I'd be sad that he wasn't willing to live his life to the fullest and seek help from a competent therapist who would help him overcome his issues and go on to a happier life.

I'd be sad that he had missed out on the love of a good, faithful and supportive spouse.

Someone to be there in good times and bad.

Someone to share his hopes and dreams with, live out his greatest desires and wishes with.

Someone who cared when he hurt or just had a bad day.

Someone to laugh with and cuddle with in the middle of the night.

Someone to have his back when the rest of the world turned its back on him.

Someone who would add value and meaning to his life by sharing theirs with him.

Someone to care more for than he cares about himself and who stretches him to be the best man he could possibly be.

Someone to hold his hand on his deathbed and whisper words of love as he leaves this earth.

If my son's didn't have all that and more, then I didn't do my job.

And yes, I'd be very sad for them.
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