Making a good first impression? (women, love, single, attractive)

[bkern1989]

Not a depressing thread, so don't worry. Just curious as to why this happens and if there are other people in the same boat. It seems like the people who I work with that are forced to spend time with me are the only people who seem to like me as a person. I mean, at school, I was the laughing stock on the class. Didn't really have many friends and was picked on quite often. Then when I am with a friend and we go to hang out with his friends, they never seem to like me too much. Then when I meet a new girl and hangout with her a few times...she decides that she doesn't like me. I like to think that I'm a somewhat attractive guy, so I wouldn't think that people would judge me based off of my looks. Am I just simply someone who you need to spend a decent amount of time with before you can like me? I admit that I am kinda shy, but to be honest, I don't act any different in the beginning than I do later on. So it just doesn't make sense that I don't make a good impression on people at first, but then later on, people seem to grow on me. Not quite sure if I have a question here or not. Mainly just wondering if this is normal, or if there is something about me that leads everyone away.

[jessishot]

nobody has to like you, get over it.

[Percentage]

Originally Posted by bkern1989

Not a depressing thread, so don't worry. Just curious as to why this happens and if there are other people in the same boat. It seems like the people who I work with that are forced to spend time with me are the only people who seem to like me as a person. I mean, at school, I was the laughing stock on the class. Didn't really have many friends and was picked on quite often. Then when I am with a friend and we go to hang out with his friends, they never seem to like me too much. Then when I meet a new girl and hangout with her a few times...she decides that she doesn't like me. I like to think that I'm a somewhat attractive guy, so I wouldn't think that people would judge me based off of my looks. Am I just simply someone who you need to spend a decent amount of time with before you can like me? I admit that I am kinda shy, but to be honest, I don't act any different in the beginning than I do later on. So it just doesn't make sense that I don't make a good impression on people at first, but then later on, people seem to grow on me. Not quite sure if I have a question here or not. Mainly just wondering if this is normal, or if there is something about me that leads everyone away.

Well, sounds like you need to confide in one of these people to see what exactly about your behavior keeps putting people off. You can start there and see what changes to make in the way you interact with people.

[Coolhand68]

From what little you've shared, I'd say it's normal. In high school there are often established social circles and it's tougher to punch through. Hanging out with friends of friends can be somewhat awkward if you are more introverted. Some people just need more time to warm up to their surroundings and as a result, the people around you will need more time to warm up to you. I'm the same way, nothing to worry about.

[mitopcat]

I was the same way at school. It's funny how things work out, isn't it? They listed me as, "the least one to succeed" and yet, I believe I'm the opposite.

No matter where I work, I always can create a good circle of friends. It might have to do with how you work, too, you never know. Some people like it when you offer to help them or guide them. This is just how I am. I like to help my co-workers in anyway I can. Therefor, they trust me and always will be able to do so.

It's kind of funny though, each place I work at it always turns up to be an emotional last day; an emotional roller coaster. I had to quit my last job on the same day that was the last day of the scheduled week. While they all hated me for it, there was nothing I can do (or so I'd like to think so). After my shift, they all hunkered down and we started to remember the great times we had working together.

Heh, anyways, school and work are two totally different subjects. School can last up to four years, but your job might last a lot longer. You'll be more comfortable at work because it's something you know, the longer you stay. While high school, things change every day, almost every class.

[pci2k]

Originally Posted by Percentage

Well, sounds like you need to confide in one of these people to see what exactly about your behavior keeps putting people off. You can start there and see what changes to make in the way you interact with people.

I agree. It could be anything, and I'm giving examples here: It could be your cleanliness, self-esteem, you are constantly putting yourself down in front of people, you're too shy/introverted, etc. Have someone pinpoint/critique you WITHOUT yourself getting offended.

Only advice I can give is you may need to work on your self-confidence. Give it a good balance of being confident without being a cocky jackass.

[thriftylefty]

Once you have made an honest apprasial of your self try to seek out people who you think are a good fit for you. We can't chose who we have to work with or go to school with.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by bkern1989

Not a depressing thread, so don't worry. Just curious as to why this happens and if there are other people in the same boat. It seems like the people who I work with that are forced to spend time with me are the only people who seem to like me as a person. I mean, at school, I was the laughing stock on the class. Didn't really have many friends and was picked on quite often. Then when I am with a friend and we go to hang out with his friends, they never seem to like me too much. Then when I meet a new girl and hangout with her a few times...she decides that she doesn't like me. I like to think that I'm a somewhat attractive guy, so I wouldn't think that people would judge me based off of my looks. Am I just simply someone who you need to spend a decent amount of time with before you can like me? I admit that I am kinda shy, but to be honest, I don't act any different in the beginning than I do later on. So it just doesn't make sense that I don't make a good impression on people at first, but then later on, people seem to grow on me. Not quite sure if I have a question here or not. Mainly just wondering if this is normal, or if there is something about me that leads everyone away.

First impressions matter a good deal. If what you say is true, then obviously you're doing something that puts people off. Fortunately, this is pretty easy to address.

1. Dress as if you respect yourself. In a perfect world, nobody would care what you have on, but they do. The world categorizes you in about a half-second based on what you wear. Women are even more adept at this than men. Need an example? Watch women give a new woman the once over when she walks over the room. They turn their attention to the new woman for two-tenths of a second as they look her up and down and then return to the conversation. They've categorized her before she's said a single word.

So deal. Respect yourself by not looking like a slob. Or, if your wardrobe seems to be an endless collection of polo shirts inscribed with the logo of computer hardware/software vendors. Get a decent haircut, too. No, you don't have look as if you stepped out of the pages of GQ, but start looking at yourself with an objective eye.

2. Learn the fine art of making eye contact. No, don't stare into their eyes like some creeper. But don't avert eye contact either, because that screams serial killer. Instead, regular eye contact shows that you are someone to be respected. It's called presence.

3. Learn their names, and use them in conversation. That's not hard at all, is it?

4. Make the conversation about them, not you. Question-and-answer is not a civilized form of conversation, but at least it gets the ball rolling. People love to talk about themselves. If you talk about them, you suddenly become the most fascinating conversationalist in the room.

5. When they inevitably want to know more about you, keep it short and too the point. Establish things in common.

6. The standards still apply. Avoid politics and religion.

7. Do not cling to anyone. If you are at a party full of strangers, make it a game to talk to everyone in the room and see how you can connect the dots. Works every time.

8. For God's sake, don't try so hard. At all time, be calm and poised. People like that. More importantly, they want to be near it.

[bkern1989]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

First impressions matter a good deal. If what you say is true, then obviously you're doing something that puts people off. Fortunately, this is pretty easy to address.

1. Dress as if you respect yourself. In a perfect world, nobody would care what you have on, but they do. The world categorizes you in about a half-second based on what you wear. Women are even more adept at this than men. Need an example? Watch women give a new woman the once over when she walks over the room. They turn their attention to the new woman for two-tenths of a second as they look her up and down and then return to the conversation. They've categorized her before she's said a single word.

So deal. Respect yourself by not looking like a slob. Or, if your wardrobe seems to be an endless collection of polo shirts inscribed with the logo of computer hardware/software vendors. Get a decent haircut, too. No, you don't have look as if you stepped out of the pages of GQ, but start looking at yourself with an objective eye.

2. Learn the fine art of making eye contact. No, don't stare into their eyes like some creeper. But don't avert eye contact either, because that screams serial killer. Instead, regular eye contact shows that you are someone to be respected. It's called presence.

3. Learn their names, and use them in conversation. That's not hard at all, is it?

4. Make the conversation about them, not you. Question-and-answer is not a civilized form of conversation, but at least it gets the ball rolling. People love to talk about themselves. If you talk about them, you suddenly become the most fascinating conversationalist in the room.

5. When they inevitably want to know more about you, keep it short and too the point. Establish things in common.

6. The standards still apply. Avoid politics and religion.

7. Do not cling to anyone. If you are at a party full of strangers, make it a game to talk to everyone in the room and see how you can connect the dots. Works every time.

8. For God's sake, don't try so hard. At all time, be calm and poised. People like that. More importantly, they want to be near it.

Very good post...very informative! I might just have to give some of that a try. I already do some of those things, but definitely not all.