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Which is kind of creepy now that I think about it.
Seriously. Sometimes I feel like all the girls in the business school are either into the hook up culture or into guido retards. God it's a difficult affair trying to find someone you're 1) compatible with and 2) who's actually interested in you.
All I can say to the OP is don't give up hope, don't stop trying, but don't maintain any naive expectations either.
It sounds like to me that you want to be left alone. I would suggest that you work on things that make you happy and join circles or groups that support your interests, and from there you can learn to make good friends... and slowly work into the relationship realm. I hate to say this, but you can't expect a relationship to fall into your lap. If that's the case, there would be no more self-help books, dating online websites and so forth. Don't approach women for dates, but approach them for short friendly conversations for practice. You can't jump from having no relationship to a steady one in one night. I think even the best seasoned daters go through a lot of dates that didn't work out.
I feel that you are going through a rough place not knowing or trusting people. That's why I would suggest that you hold off dating until you feel comfortable around women in general. When you meet people with the notion of dating, you have high expectations and therefore more pressure. Just meet people for the sake of good conversation. You never know what happens. And, if you don't feel like being yourself, give yourself a fake name persona.
Lastly, your personality sounds like its divided into a love-hate relationship. Find what makes you ... you. Not being in a relationship is not the end of the world. Good luck.
I have never dated and have no real interest in doing so. The only thing that matters is whether or not your are pursuing your goals. I find that I only become depressed or agitated when I am not at one of my jobs, not working on a personal/professional project, failing to exercise, or procrastinating on a creative endeavor. When this happens, I usually have to pause for a moment and ask myself "What am I missing?" "What do I really want to accomplish this week? This month? This year?" These things are important to me because I take great pride in that which I create and accomplish. What is important to you?
Something gave you pause and you're searching for an answer. You need to find out what is truly important to you and then plan on how you intend to obtain it. Work on it whenever you can. Learn to devote yourself.
The discipline you earn will be a reward in itself.
Maybe not everyone is meant for marriage and family life. If the OP hates getting with family on Thanksgiving, then maybe he should accept he's more cut out for the solitary life.
In the past most people had religion - but also many people had a religion that allowed for the single life, there were convents and monasteries for those who wanted community but not family life.
I think that's what the hippies attempted to do with their communes, a community that wasn't related or married but when they made it also about sex with each other, it didn't work so well.
Back in middle school some girl asked me to "go out" with her. I knew what "going out" meant in the movies, it meant going out on a date. But in middle school it seemed to mean stuff like holding hands during recess and stuff like that. But I said no because she'd been mean to me in the past, calling me gay, trying to put makeup on me, garbage like that.
Little did I know that would be my last chance to "go out" with anyone, because after that nobody ever approached me.
I refuse to approach women. I don't even want to go on dates. It seems so stupid.
I don't want relationships. I get frustrated about not being sexually active, but I don't really want to be sexually active.
I'm seeing a psychologist, but he just said "you don't know how to meet women," and then he has no good ideas of how to do it. Because no-body my age can meet women in this god-awful college town. That's the fact that he just won't admit.
And so I'm hopeless. But the whole idea of dating isn't attractive to me anyways.
There was a woman at the dealer, I was getting an oil change. She sat near me and seemed to be staring at me, but I was too scared to look at her except a few glances, and she wasn't looking at me when I glanced at her. As I got up to leave, I looked at her again, and she smiled at me. I liked that, but I just told myself "I'm never going to have a girlfriend" and so I just smiled back and left.
That's how I am. The few and far between opportunities I have to ask women out or just meet them I just panic and run away.
It sucks, but at the same time, I'm proud to be me. I hate myself but love myself at the same time. I am an arrogant, selfish, lonely, boring, wierdo who can be a real jerk at times, but I'm proud of who I am. I think my heart is often in the right place, I usually try to do the right thing. And I am proud of my wierdness and uniqueness. I hate myself and worship myself as a god at the same time.
I am a confused individual. I don't even like hanging out with family. I wish people would just leave me alone. The last thing I want to do is hang out with family on Thanksgiving, but those a-holes are making me do it. It sucks. And my therapist says I have to have family relationships. Why ? It sucks. I just want to be left alone .
No offense but you have some serious issues and as suggested by the other cd members, you need to find a competent therapist to help cure you of this madness. My goodness
OK, I got it figured out. You need to start changing your own oil - this can be the first step towards swaggering, hairy-chested manliness, which, once attained, will have women mobbing you like Elvis back in the day.
Seriously, dude, you need to do whatever you need to do, so you can feel like the "guy in the mirror" is a fine fellow, one any gal would be glad to meet.
I don't want to be manly. I suppose that means I'll never have a girlfriend, but I don't care. I refuse to conform to society's norms. Being manly and heroic just isn't who I am.
It's just difficult to get over the frustrations of not having a relationship with a woman. I understand that it is biological, and that biology is hard to beat. I'm just going to have to deal with these frustrations. I just wish my attraction for women would go away !
And no, I am not gay. I am not attracted to men whatsoever. I find the idea of myself having gay sex as completely gross.
And I can't change my own oil because I don't own a home, don't have any tools, and can't be working on cars on apartment property.
Dude, most guys have to approach/chase women. It's not only cultural but a biological impetus.
I think you do want a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. We are made to seek it, to desire it. Yes sometimes attaining it is hard and frustrating but don't lie to yourself.
There's so much going on here. It is good to love yourself but I don't understand hating yourself at the same time. Is it because you haven't reached the relationship milestones you think you should have attained? Do you suffer from inferiority complex?
I agree with the other poster, perhaps switching therapists is necessary . Also, I would recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I like David Burns books for this. He has a very good one called 'Intimate Connections" which has specific tips on how to transform yourself, become appealing, not fear rejection and have a better dating life. It helps you by transforming your thoughts but you'd have to work at it. You have to read and apply.
Can cognitive behavioral therapy make me stop being attracted to women ? That's what I really want. To just not care about women any more, not care that I'm not in a relationship, not care that I'm not getting any sex.
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