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He has also offered to pick up one of MY children (whom he had never met) when I had a scheduling conflict one evening. I, of course, thanked him and politely declined.
I really don't know WHAT to think!
You showed good judgement there! Personally, I'd be worried that he was using me to get at my kids...but maybe I watch too much TV.
I'd pull way back and really evaluate him and his actions for a lot longer that 30 days before I'd even be considering exclusivity. And yes, I'd mention that he messaged a friend and watch his reaction.
I met a guy online about a month ago. He seemed immediately smitten and has been in touch with me every day since we met. We have a lot in common and live very close by each other. He is always the one to call and initiate contact. He has introduced me to his daughters, asked me to accompany him on a 2 day trip (i could not). He has already asked me to go with him next time in January. He came over to my house to fix something for me. Seems to go out of his way for me. Communicates well. He is very open and straightforward which I like. He treats me really well and tells me every day how much he likes me. His actions match his words and he seems genuinely sincere. So far, so good.
EXCEPT, it bothers me that he is still logging on to the site where we met multiple times per day. We have not talked about being exclusive and I have not yet slept with him though things have gotten plenty physical. I understand this (continuing to log on) is a common issue with online dating. I have been tossing back and forth in my head on what to think and/or do about this. Thinking maybe it's too soon to address it, decided to adopt a wait and see attitude and focus on how he treats me instead for now.
WELL, my girlfriend also has a profile on the same site and guess what? HE MESSAGED her today. I am so disappointed. I thought I had really met a nice and sincere person with whom I could potentially develop a real relationship with.
Do I confront him? Dump him completely? I know we didn't discuss exclusivity, but this seems dishonest or at the very least I would say we have different dating styles and/or values. Or should I just pull back? Ask him if we are seeing other people? ANd conduct myself accordingly? Honestly, my attraction and interest has sort of taken a nose dive yet, I find it hard to believe that is was/is all insincere.
His communication style is such that I would feel weird about just cutting contact without letting him know how I feel, but maybe I've seen all I need to see already?
Okay...
You have been talking to this guy for about a month..
In this short span of time, he has introduced you to his children, he has invited you to go away with him not once but twice ( Whcih tells me he is planning to carry on with you) he is consistant in calling and initiating all contact?
One would think that he was done right?
But perhaps before jumping the gun he is wanting to put more time into this relationship before he cancels his account...
However contacting your friend? I can see where this would hurt..why? Not only because you thought it was more serious and because she is your friend but moreso because it is PROOF that he is still making contact with women when he is seemingly smitten with you...
You are going to have to address this...
But perhaps this can be done another way..
Your friend already knows what he looks like obviously correct?
I am stating this because I have done this..I have been hit up by a guy that was talking to my friend..lol..awkward..
And when we compared notes ( Which friends do guys)
I sent him an email...very short...very diplomatic..
" Hey, I was hanging out with my girl tonight and she showed me a pic of this great guy she has been talking too and seeing for this last month" And it was you..So with this said I can no longer speak to you other than a friend, wish you two the best of luck."
This led to him stating that I was the one he really wanted and so forth but he did not think he had a chance with me but saw me online and decided to go for it.
You learn a persons intentions really fast when they are pushed up against the wall..I hate to say it..
It is okay for you to wait and mull over it but I could not do it...since I like to know where I stand..especially when a man starts hitting up my friends unknowingly...lol..
Good luck
You know he kind of sprung it on me. Our plans sort of evolved over the night due to changing circumstances (as plans usually do when you have children). I was not expecting it. He SAYS they have only met 2 other dates, other than the 2 relationships since his divorce 10 yrs ago. It was somewhat casual and very brief.
He then later brought it up after it happened and said I know I kind of dumped a lot on you that maybe you weren't ready for it. He seemed aware of the fact that it was a little out of my comfort zone.
He has also offered to pick up one of MY children (whom he had never met) when I had a scheduling conflict one evening. I, of course, thanked him and politely declined.
I really don't know WHAT to think!
Well that would have just made up my mind. I know the kids thing is a very unique perspective for each person, BUT...if I had younger kids, and a guy I had just met made such an offer, and HE was also a father, then I suspect that I would just write him off as a flake. For me, I just couldn't date anyone that wasn't at least savvy enough to know why this would not have been an acceptable thing.
you havent even had sex with this guy yet why would he be exclusive
Not everyone has the same perspective as you. My BF and I agreed to be exclusive after our first real date...and the "familiar" didn't occur until 3 weeks after that.
From what I understand being exclusive isn't the norm in America unless you've formally decided to be so. (does this cross the boundary to become girlfriend/boyfriend btw?)
So I'd start there and either ask him what his perspective is or tell him you want to be exclusive.
Personally I'd feel very weird meeting others after having met one that I like, and betrayed if someone I was seeing and connecting with was seeing others but that might just be a cultural thing. It's basically what's called "cheating since day one" here.
I think that's part of the problem - but everyone has his or her own definitions.
A long time ago there was such a thing as "dating" but that meant going out to a movie, or dinner and it didn't mean exclusive until the couple was "going steady" and there were even rings for that. A defined point in the relationship that the couple discussed being exclusive - and even then having sex wasn't a requirement. Then they would become engaged.
Now there are really no rules, some people think a second date means it's an exclusive relationship, but also since many expect a sexual relationship by the second date it should be exclusive.
Some people actually never discuss the relationship, it just happens which works if they both have the same way of thinking but often it's one who thinks a commitment somehow was made but the other never made one.
You know he kind of sprung it on me. Our plans sort of evolved over the night due to changing circumstances (as plans usually do when you have children). I was not expecting it. He SAYS they have only met 2 other dates, other than the 2 relationships since his divorce 10 yrs ago. It was somewhat casual and very brief.
He then later brought it up after it happened and said I know I kind of dumped a lot on you that maybe you weren't ready for it. He seemed aware of the fact that it was a little out of my comfort zone.
He has also offered to pick up one of MY children (whom he had never met) when I had a scheduling conflict one evening. I, of course, thanked him and politely declined.
I really don't know WHAT to think!
In my opinion getting the kids involved is a much bigger red flag than the message to the friend.
He does sound like a flake. You can't get to know someone enough to introduce them to the kids in less than 4 weeks.
I would think people who have already been through marriage and divorce and other relationships wouldn't want to rush into another so quickly. Why not just slowly get to know someone first? There's no point in having the kids involved in any way until much later.
In my opinion getting the kids involved is a much bigger red flag than the message to the friend.
He does sound like a flake. You can't get to know someone enough to introduce them to the kids in less than 4 weeks.
I would think people who have already been through marriage and divorce and other relationships wouldn't want to rush into another so quickly. Why not just slowly get to know someone first? There's no point in having the kids involved in any way until much later.
From a Devil's Advocate point of view, we don't know under what circumstances this introduction took place and shouldn't make assumptions. Obviously it would be inappropriate in these circumstances if a parent made a big deal about inviting a date over to the house and lined up the kids in a row to tell them, "Well, kids, I want you to meet my new girlfriend/boyfriend Fritzie." But if a chance meeting happened to occur then it would be perfectly normal for the parent to introduce them as, "Mrs/Mr SoandSo" and it wouldn't be a big deal at all. The OP herself says that the meeting was, "somewhat casual and very brief". I think just a little too much is being made of it.
The guy is a bit of a fool and has fallen into the trap of virtual living via the net - He is lucky that he actually got good results in the real world by ACTUALLY meeting you - maybe he has that modern mindset of human disposablity - that he can shop on line for human beings and that he can continue to be like a kid in the candy store - explain to him that he has lucked out by chance..and should be happy that he found a real life person that is of value...If he does not understand that and wants to continue shopping via the key boards then dump him - it means that he is slightly stupid and in the end ungrateful for the grace and luck of meeting you....
In the alternative - let the boy continue to play on line..but if I were him..and I found someone - I would stop the game and enter into the real world and do some real living..technology can be a curse..He may be a habitualist....so be warey...you might get together with him - settle in and wake up at four in the morning to find the jerk...clicking away as if hunting down woman electronically has become a fetish ---------------actually - try this...be straight and to the point...eg...
"If you appreciate me and are serious about me - It would be nice if you got off line..and became part of the real world and my life" - IF this bothers him - then he is an idiot.
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For me, I just couldn't date anyone that wasn't at least savvy enough to know why this would not have been an acceptable thing. 
My BF and I agreed to be exclusive after our first real date...and the "familiar" didn't occur until 3 weeks after that. 
