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Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,528,010 times
Reputation: 2038
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right on my part?
Think i"m done with someone who I was knew for just under 2 months and was seeing almost that whole time.....there was some commitment, until yesterday.
She's an older white lady (60, but could pass for 40-45 easily)....I'm in my late 40's and am black/white. She said that before me, she never really had any black friends and grew up with a pretty racist mother (who's no longer around). She said that while not to worry too much, she needed to warm up to me to see if this is what she wanted....since often she felt uneasy, even though we went as far as sleeping in the same bed, while there was some light petting, nothing really went down in the sex department though. She told me I may have to wait a long time for that. Secondly, she said that she didn't know how her estranged family (brothers and sisters) woould accept the fact that she was seeing a black man. Thirdly, she said that if her mom was still alive and knew about us, she would disown her. But I was trying to give her the chance to "warm up" as she said and I liked her a lot (still do).
We talked about this and she was in agreement with this, or I was led to think so, based on what she said, that even a good night text, at the very worst....is better than nothing at all. And we did that for over 6 weeks straight, either talk or, at least text.
Well, on Friday night, she hung out with her estranged family, for the 1st time in a long time. That Friday night, early Sat AM, was the 1st time, since we started dating,....that she didn't call or text me at all. I called her after I did this thing around 12amish and early after I work up later that AM, no response......I was concerned about her safety, so that was part of the reason for me stopping by her place in person, however, I will admit that I got fired up since I thought she didn't call and was thinking about ending it, since she probably told her family that I was black and they reacted negatively and/or was influenced in someway by them negatively. I didn't think another guy had anything to do with it. She said she had company and that's why she didn't answer the phone in the AM, even though, she's allowed me to be with her and her company before.
I said I would have still answered the phone, even if it was to say call back in 1 hour or whenever. One thing led to another and she told me off yesterday, even though we had an excellent Thanksgiving together at her neighbors and she was affectionate towards me in front of them. Later on yesterday, in a heated phone conversation, she denied that her family had anything to do with it......
I realize that I may have messed up here. However, based upon what she said about her family and her uneasiness, (she's certainly not 100% comfortable with it) dating interracially.....was I wrong to think that she changed her mind about me, based on not even saying good night and ignoring a call the AM, after she hung around people that, per her admission, have a history of, racism, to some degree?
Is it possible that she's just lying about that and doesn't want to admit that? She didn't be like the kind that would be so fair weathered....even if I did mess up, which I can admit I did,.....to break up with me 48 hours after seeming real happy.........she did say "I need some time to chill out"........after I pointed out the fair weathered part......
I like her, but I don't know if I want her back for the sake of wanting her back, or just since I want someone.........she's the 1st person I've dealt with in over 20 years, who has told me that they have had or have an issue with interracial dating. Around Seattle/Tacoma, thinking that way, is generally frowned upon, since this is one of the least racist areas in the USA and I don't know if I want that in the back of my mind, even for a short term, with her.
Summary, based on the evidence and things she said before, if you were in my shoes, would you have thought the same thing.......after she hung around company that she said "probably would not accept me dating you"?
If I apologize, for what I did yesterday, most likely, it will be for the sake of an apology, heartfelt, but with no hopes of getting her back....will just have to see how much I miss her....
Thanks.
It sounds to me that even though she is 60, she isn't acting very grown up. She doesn't sound like a very independent thinker, and judging by these comments: "...she said that she didn't know how her estranged family (brothers and sisters) woould accept the fact that she was seeing a black man. Thirdly, she said that if her mom was still alive and knew about us, she would disown her." she never will be. I think her underlying baggage on race will always her feel like you should feel "lucky" that she is dating you 'despite your race'. Which, IMHO, is garbage. I think you are worth more than that and I hope you think so too.
I think that when you called her TWICE...it wasn't really because you were concerned for her safety (as you say)..because you KNEW she was with her family....I think you then went over there NOT because you were "worried for her safety" but because you were planning a confrontation with her....You seem to feel that she has to choose in a "competition" between you and her family...and she's probably figuring that out...thus the cold shoulder....
If the two of you are already having such a rocky road, it's time to chalk this one up to experience and move on.
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Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,528,010 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
I think that when you called her TWICE...it wasn't really because you were concerned for her safety (as you say)..because you KNEW she was with her family....I think you then went over there NOT because you were "worried for her safety" but because you were planning a confrontation with her....You seem to feel that she has to choose in a "competition" between you and her family...and she's probably figuring that out...thus the cold shoulder....
Yes I knew that was true about the being with family for most of the night..but not all the night and for sure not the next AM.
So she didn't answer the phone and now YOU're angry with her...you can't expect her to act and think like you do...I think you're doing yourself a dis-service by assuming that her family may influence the way she thinks about you...she IS a grown women...capable of making her own desicians in life....if you keep second guessing her...or jumping to your own conclusions about what she does, and why...you will most assuredly drive her away with your show of distrust....it doesn't sound like she's got a problem being with you....but it DOES sound like you've got a problem being with her....and maybe you're seeking out reasons to move on???
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