Guy asked me out and then blows me off? (how to, woman, love)

[artsyguy]

I did not mean avoid or snub him in your classwork. I meant do not date him anymore. Find another guy to flirt with. Do you get it now?

And I guess I was too harsh when I called him psycho. He is more of a passive-aggressive manipulator. He is getting you to feel exactly what you are feeling: confusion and rejection. That's how he feels in his private life but he's isn't going to open up and tell you his deep dark secrets of failure, confusion, and rejection. This method of manipulation is called displacement. That's how he is using you: as an emotional toilet. imho.

Originally Posted by smalltowngirl25

The thing is that I can't avoid him because he's in my class and we are working on a class project together also for finals. He's also in a class w/ me next semester and there's nothing I can do to change it because the class is only offered at a certain time. I can't figure out what he wants from me. Is he truly interested or is he just messing with me?

[lottamoxie]

Smalltown,

His feelings don't matter. What matters are his actions. His actions are not those of someone who is trying to date you. Why he asked you out...who knows. Maybe he felt like it at the time and then changed his mind later. Maybe he's a passive/aggressive game player. Maybe he lost interest the moment you gained interest.

Whatever it is (or was), you're going to make things a lot harder for yourself if you continue trying to pursue this guy. You have to deal with him in the future, as you said. Why continue down this path? Trying to get this guy to give you a reason is a sure way to make things more awkward. Let it go.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by smalltowngirl25

Update on what happened after class today. I still didn't have my car and he said he'd give me a ride. He mentioned that he was going to go home and chill out there. I said I knew a nice place that I could take him to hang out and relax and it was on me since he has been so nice giving me a ride home. So he says he has some where he has to be. AFTER he already said that he was going home to chill out. So I say we could do it some other time and he says yes very enthusiastically.

It seems like he's totally blowing me off. Next week I'm getting my car back, so I won't have to take a ride from him and maybe I should just forget it. I just don't understand why he even asked in the first place. He even said it took him a long time to ask me because he was nervous, but now he's blowing me off. It doesn't make any sense.

Heres something I post often. "When what someone says and what they do don't match up, they can't be trusted or counted on to follow thru on what they've said". All you need to know is 1+1 doesn't equal two. The reason doesn't matter.

Nice hes been providing transportation, leave it at that and don't give it any further thought.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by smalltowngirl25

I added to my post. What makes you think he was being honest? He obviously didn't call me when he said he was going to and could be lying about the other stuff also. Should I give him another chance?

Honestly...I think he dodged a bullet.

What is up with you ladies thinking you are married to someone if they show interest in hangin out?

Whatever happened to let's go out. (no strings attached) Now it seems there is this big commitment.

I suppose if you guys did hang out one evening and you didn't hear from him the very next day he would be a bad guy too.

My goodness...just chill out a bit.

[Free Beer]

So basically if a dude asks a girl out then decides not to go through with it he's a psychopath? How many f'n times do women say they'll go out with a guy and never ever go out with him? Not only that, the guy is still nice to her and giving her a ride.

Yeesh, grow the f up. Maybe he met someone better looking.

Also: "He's using you." Yeah, he's using you by giving you free rides home.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by funymann

Honestly...I think he dodged a bullet.

What is up with you ladies thinking you are married to someone if they show interest in hangin out?

Whatever happened to let's go out. (no strings attached) Now it seems there is this big commitment.

I suppose if you guys did hang out one evening and you didn't hear from him the very next day he would be a bad guy too.

My goodness...just chill out a bit.

Huh? I can agree with chill out. Whats been posted by the OP does leave some questions. How you figure she looking for a marriage commitment is beyond me.

They'll never get the chance to hang out with or without strings attached, he doesn't follow thru.

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by smalltowngirl25

A guy in my class at school asked me out and I said yes. I've known this guy for about a year and we have had a few of the same classes together. Twice he had to give me a ride home because my car broke down. The first time he asked me if I wanted to go out w/ him Friday and I said yes. He asks me what I want to do, what type of bars/clubs/restaurants/movies and what other things I like to do. I tell him and we like a lot of the same things. Then he says that may have to help his brother move and he'll call me. Friday comes and no call. The second time I get a ride w/ him, I ask him what he's been up to and if he still wanted to go out. He says he does but he's been busy, ect, ect. and was texting and seemed barely even knew I was in the car. I don't get why guys go to the trouble of asking out a girl and even asking what she wants to do if he's just going to blow her off! LOL The guy wasn't even in my dating radar until he asked me out. Sigh he seemed like such a nice guy.

Don't generalize all us guys because of the actions of this kid. He's just a lame who doesn't keep his word and doesn't have the courtesy to call and tell you that something is up. A lot of ladies are flakers too but how would you feel if I generalize all of you as such?

[Subie2]

Originally Posted by funymann

Honestly...I think he dodged a bullet.

What is up with you ladies thinking you are married to someone if they show interest in hangin out?

Whatever happened to let's go out. (no strings attached) Now it seems there is this big commitment.

I suppose if you guys did hang out one evening and you didn't hear from him the very next day he would be a bad guy too.

My goodness...just chill out a bit.

Asking a guy to follow through with his words through his actions= marriage type commitment?

No, more like expecting him to be a man and either take her out or let her at least know he changed his mind. I mean, expecting common courtesy out of a guy who approached her is pretty human. That's all she's asking for, not a lifetime together.

Typical male response. A guy can't man up and make his intentions clear, and the other men in here blame it on the woman. Telling her to chill when all she wanted to know is if she should stop holding her breathe for this guy to act on his words or let her off the hook.

As for the comment above mine from Ro: man, you really need to stop taking a females venting and frustration as a personal attack on yourself. She's annoyed and borderline frustrated. It's not supposed to serve as a real generalization.

[howdydoody342]

To the OP, have some respect for yourself and move on. I dont know much about u or this guy ur talking about but why are u giving so much leverage to the guy?

[Subie2]

I agree. This guy hasn't even taken you out yet OP. You're giving him more credit than he is due. If a man wants to go out with you he will make it happen, not tell you about it. At this point you have no kind of relationship with him, not even a casual one. One chance lost and he snoozed, he loses.