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Old 11-30-2011, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
1,910 posts, read 4,199,653 times
Reputation: 2404
Default Is texting cheating? Or the start of an emotional affair

A married coworker has been texting my husband. Not sure how often. I happened to be sitting next to him when a text from her came in and that's how I found it. I said it was inappropriate for women to be texting my husband. He said it was no big deal and then gave me his phone b/c he had nothing to hide.

Of course, he'd deleted all the texts so that pi**ed me off. Then I looked at the phone logs and saw that she's been texting him about once a week, sometimes more frequently, sometimes not. Then I found a message he forgot to delete in which he'd used the winking emoticon ; ) He has NEVER used that emoticon and I consider that flirting.

When we try to talk about the issue, he gets incredibly defensive and says he's never cheated and he doesn't appreciate being accused of it. For the record, I never specifically said he was--just that he was inappropriate. He says he's never initiated a text to her (I believe him and the phone logs agree with that).

Now I have no idea what to do. As a woman, I don't text married men. This woman clearly wants/needs something from my husband, whether it's emotional support or a way to make her husband pay attention to her or whatever.

My husband has agreed to not return her texts, but I don't know if he's telling the truth or telling me what I want to hear. I'm so irritated that sometimes I just feel like running away for awhile.

 
Old 11-30-2011, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,976 posts, read 53,863,752 times
Reputation: 36653
As far as texting a co-worker goes, it all depends on what is being texted.

Are the texts work related or personal?

What did he say she was texting him about? What did the one he got when you were with him say?
 
Old 11-30-2011, 08:58 AM
 
Location: NC
4,272 posts, read 2,414,676 times
Reputation: 3938
Texting cheating? Do you mean sexting?

Check the phone bill... see if it is once a week

See if it is at odd times? 2am etc
 
Old 11-30-2011, 09:01 AM
 
406 posts, read 329,292 times
Reputation: 504
as the others have said, it really depends...
next time ask your husband to NOT delete the texts so that you can see them. if there is nothing to them, he should be more than happy to do this if for no other reason than to prove to you it is perfectly innocent.
 
Old 11-30-2011, 09:13 AM
 
977 posts, read 709,088 times
Reputation: 1850
I think it's a bit fishy and at the very least, it's totally inappropriate. This is how cheating gets started.
 
Old 11-30-2011, 09:15 AM
 
406 posts, read 329,292 times
Reputation: 504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Broncos Quarterback View Post
I think it's a bit fishy and at the very least, it's totally inappropriate. This is how cheating gets started.
I disagree ... my husband gets texts from a female coworker on occassion, but as far as I know, they are all work related.
 
Old 11-30-2011, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Columbia, SC
517 posts, read 1,069,019 times
Reputation: 583
My husband and I are in agreement that if one partner is doing something that makes the other feel uncomfortable, it needs to stop, period. Doesn't matter if they are not doing anything wrong - the point is - it makes their partner uncomfortable. So what if it is just a work friendship? He needs to decide if this "friendship" is more important than maintaining a happy relationship with his wife!
 
Old 11-30-2011, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Southern Arizona
532 posts, read 531,334 times
Reputation: 553
Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I believe the OP is way overreacting. A text once a week or maybe more? With just that info, demanding to always see his phone over this small communication just smacks of insecurity and trust issues from the OP. Come on now. Either you do have trust issues and are insecure, or you did not give the whole story.

From what info we've been given to work with, that's my opinion. Now if it were everyday several times a day, then I might be concerned and ask him straight up what's going on. But not use it as an excuse to have an all access pass to his phone all the time. Does he act like there is something unusual? Does he seem to get overly excited about the texts? Abnormal behavior? THEN there's an issue.
 
Old 11-30-2011, 10:07 AM
 
Location: tampa bay
4,493 posts, read 2,581,590 times
Reputation: 5600
I agree with Seattel61...if it makes his wife uncomfortable...it's just not worth it(if it is NOT work related). It should be no problem cutting her off because she means nothing to him right???
 
Old 11-30-2011, 10:17 AM
 
977 posts, read 709,088 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by bitterclinger View Post
I disagree ... my husband gets texts from a female coworker on occassion, but as far as I know, they are all work related.
Ok, but in OP's case, husband is overly defensive + winking emoticon is enough for suspicion. If it means nothing, it should't be a big deal to end the texting.
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