why do straight guys who like your originally shy away after they find out you're gay? (movies, married)

[rogead]

As you've described it, you were talking about girls with a group of other guys--assumably, that conversation included attractiveness of specific girls, sexual interests, etc. Suddenly, you tell everyone you're gay. It undoubtedly puts a very different perspective on things for them. You deserve credit for being true to yourself and for being honest with them; but my guess is that your announcement, and the context in which you made it, pushed them beyond their level of comfort.

One would hope that it would make no difference within a friendship. However, they may also be confused about your interest in them. Introducing the possibility of sexual attraction between friends will change the dynamic of any relationship--including those which are heterosexual. If they're friends worth having; the shock will wear off, and your sexuality will be a non-factor in your relationships with them.

[14Bricks]

Me personally, I probably would have done the same thing. Me and a gay man have nothing in common is far as I'm concerned. So yeah if somebody has the urge to tell me they're gay then I'm probably going to distance myself from them.

[Strel]

Originally Posted by Rlarson21

I went on a trip to chine a few years ago through college. it was four other guys five other girls and me.

the guys and i all got along fine and then i told them i'm gay when they were talking about girls etc.

i'm not ashamed that i'm gay because it wasn't my choice and it doesn't harm anyone.

after this they started going to things without even asking me and not talking too me as much. i actually felt kind of hurt, but i was only going to be with them for one month on this trip. and they weren't like cruel or mean or anything, but they just didn't want to hang out and invite me to stuff after that.

Why do some straight guys do this?

at home most of my friends are straight guys that have known me since i was in middle school. we were even roomates and my sexual orientation didn't bother them in the slightest.

Because they are scared of you.

There's this mythology that gays are attracted to every straight male on the planet. It's not even really conscious.

I've had gay guys hit on me, probably because I wasn't sitting their scowling at them in a homophobic fashion. I tell them I'm straight and they said "OK sorry" and I said "hey no problem." It was actually kind of flattering, but then again, I'm not scared of gay people.

I'm a lot more scared of attractive women, and I LOVE them. Only because they are in a position to possibly wreck my self esteem, at least temporarily.

[Aganusn]

Some people are just stupid.

[artsyguy]

Sounds mean to me.

Originally Posted by Rlarson21

i actually felt kind of hurt, but i was only going to be with them for one month on this trip. and they weren't like cruel or mean or anything, but they just didn't want to hang out and invite me to stuff after that.

Why do some straight guys do this?

at home most of my friends are straight guys that have known me since i was in middle school. we were even roomates and my sexual orientation didn't bother them in the slightest.

[artsyguy]

They might be fundamentalist Christians who were raised to reject people rather than embrace them.

[JennaKendall]

Maybe they stopped seeing you as one of the guys? Or maybe they felt like you didn't have as much in common anymore. And also there is the possibility they were afraid of you being attracted to them. I don't know why men are so uncomfortable with the idea of a man being attracted to them. I'm a straight woman, but if a lesbian is attracted to me I'm flattered.

[The Dissenter]

Some straight guys are just that insecure.

[artsyguy]

Intuitively I would postulate that they are secretly attracted to the OP and must "avoid" or "escape" him in order to avoid their own feelings or they are just very bitter people with an inferiority complex looking for an excuse to "one-up".

Originally Posted by Alanboy395

Some straight guys are just that insecure.

[Percentage]

Originally Posted by Lamplight

Maybe a little insecurity on their part? I had a gay friend back home and I rarely even thought about it when we were hanging out. But one of my other friends knew about it and I could tell it made him uncomfortable if I mentioned hanging out with the guy.

With all due respect, i dont think it has anything to do with insecurity. My first exposure to a homosexual male was, i believe at a previous job. He'd always come around me discussing how his boy friend was doing this and that...I understood he was gay but it took a while for me to get used to a man referring to another man as his "boyfriend." I wasnt threatened or didnt feel insecure but i was uncomfortable...some people just need a little time to get used to it.