What Is With This Man (lover, single, husbands, younger)
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OP, Please take what your husband told you and run with that. I am not trying to be offensive but you have no common sense in this matter. This guy is lying to you, and using god and his children as ammunition in order to get you to comply.
I am going to probably come off as an a** for this, but don't worry about his kids. Your sons safety and your own safety are truly in jeopardy. This man already knows way too much about you and your family. Please stop responding to his calls or texts and tell him nicely to leave you alone. Your own seclusion from people means that you are also VERY innocent. You don't know what people are capable of until you see it for yourself. So trust me and everyone else here who are telling you to get away fast, and stay away.
Home Paid For; Keep It? Home Paid For; Keep It?
At first, I thought that I could not part with the house because he built it and it was the only part of him that I had left except memories. But now, I am unsure about what to do. Hubby always took care of the financial and business aspects of our marriage and he never discussed them with me. Our 25 year old son and his wife moved into the house with me shortly after hubby died, but I've found that I cannot be happy living with them. My son is very demanding, yells at me daily and tells me I'm the dumbest woman in the world, his wife says I'm an ungrateful little *****. My son feels like the house is his not mine because his dad said that when we were gone the house would belong to him, so he thinks because his dad is gone the house is his, therefore they feel like they are letting me live in their home out of the goodness of their hearts. Please know that I will not do anything to make my son feel like I cheated him, no house is worth that. My son is demanding that I put the house in his name immediately. Since my son feels like the house is his, I have only two options, stay here and make the best of it, or move into my own place.
I am going to probably come off as an a** for this, but don't worry about his kids. Your sons safety and your own safety are truly in jeopardy. This man already knows way too much about you and your family. Please stop responding to his calls or texts and tell him nicely to leave you alone. Your own seclusion from people means that you are also VERY innocent. You don't know what people are capable of until you see it for yourself. So trust me and everyone else here who are telling you to get away fast, and stay away.
Sadly, according to the other thread the son has actually threatened to murder anyone one gets in the way of HIM taking ownership of the house and is demanding that mom sign it over to him immediately. Nice people!
Sadly, according to the other thread the son has actually threatened to murder anyone one gets in the way of HIM taking ownership of the house and is demanding that mom sign it over to him immediately. Nice people!
Wow... Sounds like this mom loves to be abused. I feel sorry for her now. Everyone is taking advantage of her.
OP, you need to step up and become the strong independent women that you HAVE to be! Fill out a will for your son to take ownership (if you want him to anyway), but don't tell him about it, and tell the other wacko to back the F off.
He told me what a bad person I am because I won't let him be intimate with me, but yet I am being intimate with another man, and that he won't subject his children to such a vile woman as me. I told him I had a boyfriend that spends the night with me sometimes, and he told me I had to get rid of the boy friend because he didn't want me cheating, that I was his because God said so. Funny, God never told me that.
I don't think you should be sleeping with your boyfriend or have a boyfriend already when your husband of more than three decades just recently passed away. Just saying.
Sadly, according to the other thread the son has actually threatened to murder anyone one gets in the way of HIM taking ownership of the house and is demanding that mom sign it over to him immediately. Nice people!
If you open the thread and read on, the sister wants conservatorship and her portion, the inlaws have their hand out too.
I considered it because my heart went out to the children, I know what it's like to grow up without a mother. Also, I help when someone is in need even if it is someone that has done me wrong, if I do not help and I could've helped, it eats at me. So I help even when I know it will jump up and bite me
After reading your initial depiction of this guy, I'm surprised you're still in communication with this "bizarre" person and still contemplating on letting him and his kids move into your home...noble as the thought may be. Please be wise and don't allow another person to manipulate and take advantage of you. Also...seek legal advice for your other concern regarding your house.
Wow, OP, please listen to the others who state that you must stand up for yourself. This includes the so-called minister, your son, his wife, etc. If the house is in your name only, then you are doing your son a favor by letting him and his wife live there. You do not deserve the abuse they thrust on you. There is help out there for you if you want it. I can understand your hesitance to act after having lived a sheltered life. Did your late husband treat you with respect? What about your current boyfriend? Here's my advice.
1. Cut off all contact with the minister. Tell him not to contact you again, or you will file harassment charges/get a restraining order if he does not comply. Save all of his texts and emails as evidence in case you need them. Although it may be "Christian" to help those in need, enabling psychotic manipulators only fuels their sickness.
2. Begin seeking therapy to help deal with your issues. There is nothing wrong with therapy, and no shame in seeking help.
3. Begin interacting with the world: what hobbies do you enjoy? Perhaps you can take classes in something interesting. Do you want to work or volunteer? Helping those who are truly in need has many rewards.
4. Tell your son and his wife that it is your house for the time being. Lay down some ground rules. Stand up for yourself. Yes, he is your son, but he is being an a$$ to you. If he refuses to treat you cordially, give him and his wife formal notice to vacate the home. You may need to legally evict them: if he/she shows violence over this, make sure the court is aware of it and get them out of there.
5. Assess where you want to live. If the house is too big for you and you don't feel the need to stay there, sell it and downscale. Find a place and make it yours (as well as your boyfriend's if he is a good man.....assess this in therapy. A good man will not try to exploit or manipulate you).
6. This is YOUR time now. I wish you well and hope you find the courage to acknowledge that you are worth much more than others tell you.
He sent me some more texts today. He wants me to get rid of the boyfriend and let him move into my bedroom and be intimate. When I tell him I won't do it, he comes back with "whatever do you mean? He says I am displeasing God if I don't do it his way. Honestly, I don't buy it, my dad was a minister and he would've never carried on that way, much less talked to someone that way.
I don't get...how many times have you told him? Please listen to what all of us have been saying ise...we can't be all wrong. It so seldom that posters here agree on something 100%...since we do, take that as your guide.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8
If he is in such dire need, he should be referred to a public service which can help him get back on his feet, if that's what he really wants. This man is bad news, and you must think of your own safety. Please don't cave and let him into your home.
Also, if he pastors a church (which he has no business doing), why aren't his parishioners helping him?
^^^This for instance.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-01-2011 at 08:43 PM..
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Sunday buffet for the dudes. Body buffet for the Reverend 
Please listen to what all of us have been saying ise...we can't be all wrong.
