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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Salty_Salute
It is so clear to everyone that if having a child bride was legal, you'd be ALL over that. You would love to have someone so young and inexperienced that she wouldn't know enough to be disappointed by you.
But chances are one day they're going to look at you and see old. They're going to look at someone younger and stray. Nice while it lasted though, eh?
I'm generally not interested in anyone who is more than 5 years older because I don't want my husband to look like a grandpa while I still look youthful and I don't want a "father" but a mate. I particularly like Capricorn men because they tend to look better as they age, also Gemini men usually have a high level of attractiveness that sticks with them.
Up until somewhat recently, I always was into substantially older men and my husbands were older, too. Had we stayed together, it would’ve been OK because I think when you see people on a daily basis, they look to you the same as when you first met them, but at this point new men their ages started looking old to me. Heck, quite a few men my own age look pretty old! Perhaps a reverse in taste might be in order… Actually, Cappies are supposed to be doing that. We’ll see…
I'll just share my experience as my husband and I are 19 years apart. We met when I was 31 and he was 50 and just clicked; I am now 37, he is 56, and we have been married for 7 months and together the last 6 1/2 years. I really think the issue is not so much age as baggage; in our case we have both been divorced once, he has one kid and I have two, we are both professionals with degrees and comparable income. In that sense we are complete equals; also I'm a strong woman which is only relevant because he doesn't control anything I do, but rather we are partners; I think the younger party must be strong to avoid this dynamic. When one party is in the 20's in particular there tends to be a massive baggage difference that the younger party is generally ill equipped to handle. We met at a sporting event we both participate in and he is very fit; I wouldn't have considered someone so much older is he wasn't extremely fit and healthy. You can never count on health as much of life is a roll of the dice so people my age break down and people much older hold up just fine (his father is in his 80's and still plays golf every day). Really the only time our age difference really occurs to me is when he talks about the things he did and what he saw growing up, then I realize that it was so much different then what I saw but it's always good for a laugh. One final thought: if you can't address peoples thoughts and concerns in a non defensive manner or if you feel like you need to hide anything you are not able to handle such a relationship.
I'll just share my experience as my husband and I are 19 years apart. We met when I was 31 and he was 50 and just clicked; I am now 37, he is 56, and we have been married for 7 months and together the last 6 1/2 years. I really think the issue is not so much age as baggage; in our case we have both been divorced once, he has one kid and I have two, we are both professionals with degrees and comparable income. In that sense we are complete equals; also I'm a strong woman which is only relevant because he doesn't control anything I do, but rather we are partners; I think the younger party must be strong to avoid this dynamic. When one party is in the 20's in particular there tends to be a massive baggage difference that the younger party is generally ill equipped to handle. We met at a sporting event we both participate in and he is very fit; I wouldn't have considered someone so much older is he wasn't extremely fit and healthy. You can never count on health as much of life is a roll of the dice so people my age break down and people much older hold up just fine (his father is in his 80's and still plays golf every day). Really the only time our age difference really occurs to me is when he talks about the things he did and what he saw growing up, then I realize that it was so much different then what I saw but it's always good for a laugh. One final thought: if you can't address peoples thoughts and concerns in a non defensive manner or if you feel like you need to hide anything you are not able to handle such a relationship.
Very interesting; many thx for sharing...do you think the dynamic could potentially be any different though, if none of the partners in a hypothetical May-December relationship had even been divorced, and there was either no or very little baggage though?
Having married someone four years younger than I, I can honestly say that up to an extent, a younger person in no way guarantees youthful actions, nor does an older person mean that person has to "act old".
I'm only talking a few years, of course. I'm really not referring to, say, a 20-year age gap. That really is a huge gap (IMO).
Some young people are...old. Yes, I meant to say that...my husband is a silent hulking computer and TV guy who hates change now. I, the older one in the relationship, am more open to new things, am more interested in exploring, watching, laughing. I do have a thyroid issue which, when it flares up, I have to adjust my meds on or else I'm exhausted. But even when physically exhausted I just have, I don't know, a more energetic and open mentality.
He has also physically aged in ways I have not.
I am also thinking of my son's former behaviorist right now -- a nice guy, but god, he was only 27 and he was ollllllllllllld. Hilarious, awesome, smart, great at what he did. Very *physically* active. But his mental stodginess sometimes even put me off and I'm 17 years older than he is (and by no means giggly-childish or irresponsible! Never was that, really). I can look into his future and see this man being Grampa by his 35th birthday. I always used to try to gently get him to loosen up and realize life wasn't soooooooo serious *all* the time. But yeah. Way younger than I, but mentally "older" than so many people I know in my age group.
Just something to think about. I seriously worried in the beginning that I was "too old" for my DH (he was 30 and I was about to turn 34). Weird to look back on that now, considering how things turned out. (It is almost 11 years later.)
As for the OP, using Heffner as an example just gave me the giggles. 1. He's filthy rich -- do you think these girls are marrying him for his charm and his good heart? and 2. Look at his marriage *history*...again, think they're not marrying him for the awesome alimony later? That's not to say no huge age difference can ever work out (it can, obviously)...just an aside that I thought Hef being an example was a little ridiculous.
Having married someone four years younger than I, I can honestly say that up to an extent, a younger person in no way guarantees youthful actions, nor does an older person mean that person has to "act old".
I'm only talking a few years, of course. I'm really not referring to, say, a 20-year age gap. That really is a huge gap (IMO).
Some young people are...old. Yes, I meant to say that...my husband is a silent hulking computer and TV guy who hates change now. I, the older one in the relationship, am more open to new things, am more interested in exploring, watching, laughing. I do have a thyroid issue which, when it flares up, I have to adjust my meds on or else I'm exhausted. But even when physically exhausted I just have, I don't know, a more energetic and open mentality.
He has also physically aged in ways I have not.
I am also thinking of my son's former behaviorist right now -- a nice guy, but god, he was only 27 and he was ollllllllllllld. Hilarious, awesome, smart, great at what he did. Very *physically* active. But his mental stodginess sometimes even put me off and I'm 17 years older than he is (and by no means giggly-childish or irresponsible! Never was that, really). I can look into his future and see this man being Grampa by his 35th birthday. I always used to try to gently get him to loosen up and realize life wasn't soooooooo serious *all* the time. But yeah. Way younger than I, but mentally "older" than so many people I know in my age group.
Just something to think about. I seriously worried in the beginning that I was "too old" for my DH (he was 30 and I was about to turn 34). Weird to look back on that now, considering how things turned out. (It is almost 11 years later.)
As for the OP, using Heffner as an example just gave me the giggles. 1. He's filthy rich -- do you think these girls are marrying him for his charm and his good heart? and 2. Look at his marriage *history*...again, think they're not marrying him for the awesome alimony later? That's not to say no huge age difference can ever work out (it can, obviously)...just an aside that I thought Hef being an example was a little ridiculous.
Thx for sharing more about your thoughts and experiences my friend
Haha, as far as Hef...that just happened to be the title of the main article I cited select quotes from I agree 100% in that I hardly think Hef is the best example or role model to use, for a May-December relationship
Thx for sharing more about your thoughts and experiences my friend
Haha, as far as Hef...that just happened to be the title of the main article I cited select quotes from I agree 100% in that I hardly think Hef is the best example or role model to use, for a May-December relationship
Oh sorry, that's how I meant it, that the example used in the article was silly...not that you posted the article... Hope that came out right.
Oh sorry, that's how I meant it, that the example used in the article was silly...not that you posted the article... Hope that came out right.
Lol no at all worries my friend; I understand what you meant, no prob! No need for you to apologize ((hugs))
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Time's a wastin' 
Age differences
