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Old 12-01-2011, 09:59 PM
 
3,117 posts, read 3,819,378 times
Reputation: 1753

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Seriously, do you think that boy is any more of an "adult"?!

Btw, it's totally amazing how much things have changed in a century law-wise... People and their urges, on the other hand, haven't changed all that much.

In the USA in the 1890s most states had an age of consent of 10-12 with Delaware setting its age of consent at 7. In 1895 it was still 7 according to a New York Times article [17]. However, feminists and children's rights activists began advocating raising the age of consent to 16 wanting to ultimately raise it to 18 and by 1920 almost all states had raised their age of consent to 16 or 18.[18].

Age of consent reform - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In the scenario the poster mentioned, no, I don't think he's much different, though still considered legally an adult. She said he was more immature than other 18 yo's. I would be initially alarmed if an 18 yo wanted to date my 14 yo, but it sounds like her father was too and did the right thing by sorting it out directly w/the boy. Don't know if it would have been different if he had been mature for his age...

Thanks again for continuing to post interesting links! One of the things I enjoy the most about CD is the wealth of info you get from others.

 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
9,198 posts, read 5,035,024 times
Reputation: 12911
Quote:
Originally Posted by coastalgirl View Post
Perhaps.

In your opinion, when is it ok for a teen to date an adult? Earlier, another poster mentioned a scenario where she was asked out on a date by an adult (18) when she was 14. His intentions were pure, and her father met and discussed the date with the boy beforehand. Other than that particular case, is there another way someone could know intent? (again, please don't read with snark, just hoping to further facilitate the discussion )
When I was 15 I dated a guy who was 19. Illegal. In your case, it's obvious the guys intentions were pure. That's why I can't understand why you have seem to have an issue with this at such a late juncture.

In my case, the guys intention were also pure.

In general, I'm not a fan of adults dating teens. I am not a fan of any uneven power balance in relationships. I'm not a fan of 40 year old guys dating 20 year olds. I'm not a fan of uneven financial situations. IN GENERAL. But there are always exceptions. And if everyone ends up happy I'm not going to judge.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:04 PM
 
19,809 posts, read 15,233,310 times
Reputation: 16172
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamplight View Post
I agree that there's no use trying to do something about it now. I didn't get the impression that the OP was trying to get the girl to press charges or anything. You do bring up another interesting point, though. I wonder if the parents did address it at the time, but decided it was okay? And if they were okay with it, I wonder how much of that, if any, was due to the fact that he was the youth pastor. I wonder if the parents knew he was having sex with their daughter before they were married? (at the churches I grew up in, if it was found he was having even legal sex outside of marriage he would have been fired and probably excommunicated) When I was 17 and nearing 18, I started dating a girl who was 15. At first her mom wouldn't allow it, but after getting to know me she was fine with it. Of course, I was only 2.5 year older than her, and we never had sex anyway. But the fact is, her mother was still leery of the age difference and that seemed fairly normal to me at the time. I can imagine what she would have said if the 26 year old me had attempted to date her 15 year old daughter.
I guess that is why for the longest time I had a huge thing for older women. I didn't have sex as a teenager. As a policy relationships sexual or not were against policy. So if you were to be involved you'd have to keep it all 007 secret.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,433 posts, read 1,723,954 times
Reputation: 3322
All's well that ends well?
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:07 PM
 
3,117 posts, read 3,819,378 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
When I was 15 I dated a guy who was 19. Illegal. In your case, it's obvious the guys intentions were pure. That's why I can't understand why you have seem to have an issue with this at such a late juncture.

In my case, the guys intention were also pure.

In general, I'm not a fan of adults dating teens. I am not a fan of any uneven power balance in relationships. I'm not a fan of 40 year old guys dating 20 year olds. I'm not a fan of uneven financial situations. IN GENERAL. But there are always exceptions. And if everyone ends up happy I'm not going to judge.
Thanks for answering my questions! I know this thread is long, so you may not have caught my clarification, but I'm not interested in the couple, just using them as an example for a topic. I don't have an issue with them, now. I would have had an issue if I had known them when the relationship began, but that's really not relevant.

Just for clarification, I don't think dating someone underage is illegal, just having a sexual relationship. I could be wrong, though!

Y'all have a good night. If this is still going in the AM, I'll get back on and discuss.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,877,880 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by coastalgirl View Post
In the scenario the poster mentioned, no, I don't think he's much different, though still considered legally an adult. She said he was more immature than other 18 yo's. I would be initially alarmed if an 18 yo wanted to date my 14 yo, but it sounds like her father was too and did the right thing by sorting it out directly w/the boy. Don't know if it would have been different if he had been mature for his age...

Thanks again for continuing to post interesting links! One of the things I enjoy the most about CD is the wealth of info you get from others.
Most things boil down to case-by-case judgment and common sense. Unfortunately, the latter is sorely lacking in this nanny state. And it's not exactly because of most people's lack of common sense - at least not initially; one generation up already accepts the idiocy as normalcy. All ridiculous laws are established as means of control by the government thinly disguised as being results of the efforts of some supposedly grassroots movements. Enough "protection" and "security"! If you can't live your life, you might as well be dead.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:19 PM
 
19,809 posts, read 15,233,310 times
Reputation: 16172
Quote:
Originally Posted by coastalgirl View Post
Thanks for answering my questions! I know this thread is long, so you may not have caught my clarification, but I'm not interested in the couple, just using them as an example for a topic. I don't have an issue with them, now. I would have had an issue if I had known them when the relationship began, but that's really not relevant.

Just for clarification, I don't think dating someone underage is illegal, just having a sexual relationship. I could be wrong, though!

Y'all have a good night. If this is still going in the AM, I'll get back on and discuss.
What's to discuss?


It is sad that as general rule people can't seem to live and let live.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Durham
1,356 posts, read 1,177,444 times
Reputation: 950
If they have a good marriage, a stable home & raise their kids well, maybe it says she was much more mature than the average 15 year old & that somehow they were right for each other. My 15 year old daughter on the other hand is not mature at all. I was somewhere in the middle at that age.

I know a couple very similar. I think he was 26 and she was 16 when they married, with her parents' approval. They have been married 20 some years now. The husband told me his whole family stayed angry with him, accusing him of robbing the cradle. I asked how they later came around. He said "when the other marriages in our family fell apart & we were still going strong".

My aunt (mother's sister) was married 30 some years to 1 of the best men on earth. She was 17 & he was nearly 30 when they married, about 1938. They were together until his death. Their house in Charlotte, NC was one of my favorite family gathering places.

I had a supervisor that married at 16, 1st child at 17 or 18. Not sure of her husband's age, didn't know him. Last I saw of her, they had been married 30 some years.

As others have said, there are rules and exceptions. A wise person knows the rules, the wiser person knows the exceptions.

I confess though, the idea of a consent age 7 blows me away. 10-12 too. I would have seriously harmed anyone touching my daughters at those ages. My younger daughter is 11 now & I could not conceive of her "consenting".
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:23 PM
 
19,809 posts, read 15,233,310 times
Reputation: 16172
I know how I would handle it if it was my daughter.
 
Old 12-01-2011, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,877,880 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmellc View Post
I confess though, the idea of a consent age 7 blows me away. 10-12 too.
Well, that blows me away, too. I was really surprised. I'd say 13 or 14 is a reasonable age.
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