Pedophile or just inappropriate relationship (marriages, mature, average, reason)
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Yes, maybe. But we are in this country, and here it is considered against the law and socially unacceptable for an adult to have a romantic relationship with a child under the age of 16. (I guess - haven't looked at your link yet)
The relationship might've started before 16; if the sex hasn't started before 16, it's perfectly legal. Also, when you look at the link you'll see the age of consent is 15 in two states. Maybe they are Disneyland for teens who want to have sex without going to jail. Legal does not equal socially acceptable. "Acceptable" is a matter of personal judgment. To you it may be unacceptable to ever have sex. Guess what... nobody else cares.
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Do you have children, and if so, would you be ok with them dating their teachers or youth pastors? (Please don't read that in a snarky way. Just trying to add to the discussion. )
No, I don't have children. I did have normal youth, though. And no, I don't have any horses in this race. I waited to have sex till I was 18 - for personal reasons. If it weren't for those reasons, I could've happily had it at 14.
This thread is encouraging. All this time I've been assuming it would be inappropriate and creepy for me (32 years old) to woo and sex a young teen. But now I see that age is just a number and it's perfectly fine as long as we get married later. I think tomorrow I'll go hang around the driver's testing center and see if I can help a girl get her learner's permit. I promise I won't have sex with her until we're in love, though. I'm not a sicko, after all.
LOL!Anyway we can encourage "true love"!!I think others have to look at the big picture here...we are not debating teenagers having sex with eachother...it's when a person in authority crosses a line with a teenager! Just an aside if there was a lower age of consent I fear it would be a field day with just the behavior you were joking about...and as a parent that would be extremely upsetting!!When my daughter was 15 I found out a 25 year old was texting her...all it took was one text back to this guy informing him that if he contacted her again in any manner I would be contacting the police.
I'm talking about a 15 year old and a 26 year old. Let's say a 15 year old child and a 26 year old teacher (since apparently the story in the OP is so confusing) Would that be an appropriate relationship, or is the adult an ephebophile? What if his/her intent was to court, sleep with, and eventually marry the child. Does that make it alright? If so, how can we know the intent?
He does not appear to be attracted to teens, it was just her. And while I don't approve of a 26 year old teacher dating a 15 year old... it's done and over with.
And apparently ended very well. There are exceptions to all the rules, and this appears to be one.
Why do you seem to have such a problem with this when it occured to very long ago, and ended well?
That would make Celine Dion's husband a pedophile then.
And numerous others. That's why I was wondering how Elvis didn't get into any trouble, considering Roman Polanski practically turned into a fugitive. Were those laws not in place at the time...?
No, wait until 10 years later... Let people start probing it.
As I spelled it out earlier. It should have been addressed at the time it was going on. And for all intent and purpose, the parents might have addressed it.
I agree that there's no use trying to do something about it now. I didn't get the impression that the OP was trying to get the girl to press charges or anything. You do bring up another interesting point, though. I wonder if the parents did address it at the time, but decided it was okay? And if they were okay with it, I wonder how much of that, if any, was due to the fact that he was the youth pastor. I wonder if the parents knew he was having sex with their daughter before they were married? (at the churches I grew up in, if it was found he was having even legal sex outside of marriage he would have been fired and probably excommunicated) When I was 17 and nearing 18, I started dating a girl who was 15. At first her mom wouldn't allow it, but after getting to know me she was fine with it. Of course, I was only 2.5 year older than her, and we never had sex anyway. But the fact is, her mother was still leery of the age difference and that seemed fairly normal to me at the time. I can imagine what she would have said if the 26 year old me had attempted to date her 15 year old daughter.
He does not appear to be attracted to teens, it was just her. And while I don't approve of a 26 year old teacher dating a 15 year old... it's done and over with.
Perhaps.
In your opinion, when is it ok for a teen to date an adult? Earlier, another poster mentioned a scenario where she was asked out on a date by an adult (18) when she was 14. His intentions were pure, and her father met and discussed the date with the boy beforehand. Other than that particular case, is there another way someone could know intent? (again, please don't read with snark, just hoping to further facilitate the discussion )
And numerous others. That's why I was wondering how Elvis didn't get into any trouble, considering Roman Polanski practically turned into a fugitive. Were those laws not in place at the time...?
I didn't know that about Elvis until this thread. Cases like Elvis, Celine Dion and others are why I keep bringing up intent. Is there a way to know intent, and if so, would it have any bearing on the legality of the relationship? And possibly validate it for those of us who have a hard time understanding.
Earlier, another poster mentioned a scenario where she was asked out on a date by an adult (18) when she was 14.
Seriously, do you think that boy is any more of an "adult"?!
Btw, it's totally amazing how much things have changed in a century law-wise... People and their urges, on the other hand, haven't changed all that much.
In the USA in the 1890s most states had an age of consent of 10-12 with Delaware setting its age of consent at 7. In 1895 it was still 7 according to a New York Times article [17]. However, feminists and children's rights activists began advocating raising the age of consent to 16 wanting to ultimately raise it to 18 and by 1920 almost all states had raised their age of consent to 16 or 18.[18].
Is there a way to know intent, and if so, would it have any bearing on the legality of the relationship?
No, there isn't. Always looking for guarantees seems to be a strange attitude I observe here in many contexts. There are no guarantees for anything. However, the way things stand here now, any man with half a brain shoul stay away from a jailbait. I would. No relationship, no sex, no marriage is worth your whole life ruined.
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People and their urges, on the other hand, haven't changed all that much.