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I'm trying to become less shy and opening up more and making friends with people my own age. I realize I'm not shy at all with old or middle aged guys, just guys in my age range (I'm 20), especially the "cool" ones, meaning the talkative, joking guys who goof around. I realize the best way to overcome this fear is to force myself to go up to them as much as possible and be as sociable as I can.
There's a reason for our fears and you might be wondering why I'm so shy or "scared" to talk to these kinds of guys. I guess it's because of my past in high school. I was the loner and labelled "retard" by other guys, the cool ones, because of misunderstandings at the beginning of high school when I acted stupid just to get attention. But people are more mature and these guys in my trade school class know I'm a regular guy and we've made small-talk. So maybe I should just be sociable and joke around with them when I have the chance, and my fear of cool guys my age will overcome.
There was a time a year ago when I was in another trade class and I wanted to show some "cool" guys some design that I had made on the computer. I wanted to call them over to my desk to show them and it was so hard for me to do. I would open my mouth and no sound would come out. My heart was pounding and I didn't know if I'd be able to do it. I forced the words out and I showed them my work. They complimented me and stuff and went back to their desk. After I did that, I felt this huge relief that I did it. But if felt kind of ridiculous that it was such a struggle to do something like that. For someone with regular social skills, the stress and relief I felt would be something they'd feel if they jumped out a window and survived. Maybe that's a bad example, but hopefully you guys know what I mean.
So is what I have in mind true? Is this the best way to overcome my somewhat-ridiculous fear?
Generally speaking the best way to desensitize yourself from fears is to confront them straight on, so keep pushing yourself a little at a time, and stop boxing yourself in and "labeling" people as cool or not cool.....we are who we are, we each have something to offer, even if it's just a "hello"
I think Addictedd2Helping offered some really good advice.
I'd only add that you might think about taking a class in public speaking or acting. That'll give you practice talking in front of people, and you'll get some feedback from your teacher and classmates on how you're doing.
Also, have you considered getting an assessment from a counselor or psychologist, just to see if you have a social or cognitive deficit that you're unaware of? It may be completely unnecessary, but it would certainly be worth knowing either way.
I can relate to you. I find myself enjoying the company of/getting along better with older men (29+) than guys of my own age (25). They tend to be more mature, caring, knowledgeable and appreciative of my values. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing that your friends are much older than you, as we all have our niche, but good for you for wanting to make changes.
No, I am. I know it's weird, but those are the guys I wanna hang out with most. We have the most stuff in common like movies, video games, etc. I'd be alot happier hanging with guys my own age too. Plus, I wanna get my first girl soon, and how am I gonna do that hanging out with old guys??
BTW, I have no trouble talking to girls of any age...
Forget trying to impress the cool kids. I know you feel as though you are on the outside looking in, but if these type of guys treated you poorly or wrote you off as a "retard", do you really want to be their friends, and if so, why? Is it just to score with women? You can do that all on your own without the company of the toolbags who are too wrapped up in themselves that they need to ridicule others to get a laugh.
Shoot for quality over quantity, this goes for your make friends as well as any potential women you are interested in dating.
I thought this labeling ended after we turned 18 and left high school?
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