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This is somewhat unexpected. I've been seeing a guy about a month. We have been out probably 6 or 7 times at this point, and he's already met a bunch of my friends (who all think he's awesome - and he likes them, and frequently asks about them).
I'm very attracted to him, and I love that he's a fully formed adult. 45, knows who he is, no glaring insecurities, no unresolved issues that I can see. He's rowdy and raunchy, but completely kind and accepting to everyone he meets. He's HAPPY. We are laughing the entire time we're together. Our sex drives are very similar, and we are definitely "compatible" in that regard. We both have fully developed lives, so there's no neediness on either side, which is also cool. This guy doesn't need me to fill any voids, ya know?
Based on his comments, he's not seeing anyone else, and he's assuming that I'm not seeing anyone else (I'm not - just took down my OKC profile).
So at what point is it appropriate to have a relationship status conversation? A month seems way early to me, but he's been pretty clear that he's assuming we're exclusive, which is why I'm a little confused. I could fall really hard here, and I'd like to manage my expectations. I might even be finding myself facing exactly what I'm looking for (an exclusive relationship, with no necessary timeline for anything more) - I've got a feeling he doesn't really have an agenda either.
Things just feel comfortable, and I don't want to screw that up.
Next time he tries to have sex with you, you can say: "sorry but you had enough milk samples already, you are gonna have to buy the cow...where's my ring?"
And check his expression. Of course you then say "just joking, baby, just joking", but you have already mentioned it, broken the ice so to speak, so it will be easier for you to bring up the subject again,after the sex.
Remember that serious stuff is always better wrapped in humor.
This is somewhat unexpected. I've been seeing a guy about a month. We have been out probably 6 or 7 times at this point, and he's already met a bunch of my friends (who all think he's awesome - and he likes them, and frequently asks about them).
I'm very attracted to him, and I love that he's a fully formed adult. 45, knows who he is, no glaring insecurities, no unresolved issues that I can see. He's rowdy and raunchy, but completely kind and accepting to everyone he meets. He's HAPPY. We are laughing the entire time we're together. Our sex drives are very similar, and we are definitely "compatible" in that regard. We both have fully developed lives, so there's no neediness on either side, which is also cool. This guy doesn't need me to fill any voids, ya know?
Based on his comments, he's not seeing anyone else, and he's assuming that I'm not seeing anyone else (I'm not - just took down my OKC profile).
So at what point is it appropriate to have a relationship status conversation? A month seems way early to me, but he's been pretty clear that he's assuming we're exclusive, which is why I'm a little confused. I could fall really hard here, and I'd like to manage my expectations. I might even be finding myself facing exactly what I'm looking for (an exclusive relationship, with no necessary timeline for anything more) - I've got a feeling he doesn't really have an agenda either.
Things just feel comfortable, and I don't want to screw that up.
You of course know that your the only one that has the information to make that determination. What is right for one of us is not right for all?
Personally, I go slow. I would take baby steps. I would discuss exclusivity at this point or soon if it feels right, see if he's in agreement. If your meeting his friends and then family and you have the exclusivity down you you know your heading in the right direction to discuss the long term planning.
Yes , it is way to early. As log as he's not talking about dating other people or leaving his profile up and appears to be exclusive to you, I wouldn't worry about it.
its healthy to question this, because of no ties, and your feelings are growing..
you can easily tell him " i'm trying my best not to allow any walls come up because of past experiences, but I'm really starting to like you, do I need a wall so I don't get hurt? are you feeling the same?
if he's not feeling the same or will only go "so far" he may say - yeah, I've been thinking we should slow things down" then he will give you a compliment
if he's feeling the same,,he will say, you just made my day, because im feeling the same, I dont want you taking off on me...so, since we are now exclusive,,lets say we are a couple..
if you get the first response,,,just nicely say I want to know where I stand,,," I ran into an old boyfriend a few days ago, and didnt give him the time of day, maybe I was too rude"
No, he hasn't taken his profile down. I wouldn't have taken mine down, but I kept getting messages. I'm told guys don't tend to get pestered as much though - at least that's what I'm told on these boards. I'm not really invested in whether he has his profile up or down.
As for enjoying what I have right now, absolutely, I am. But the last few relationships I've had have failed in part because we were not on the same page. My one ex couldn't figure out why on earth I was bothered that he hadn't told me he loved me (I'd told him months earlier, with no expectation of it in return) - yet he was the one talking about marriage and weddings all the time, which kind of freaked me out. My other ex was in an FWB relationship, and his feelings and expectations way outpaced mine. I just think it's beneficial to both parties to sit down at some point and discuss what they're feeling about the other person and their level of commitment and what "exclusivity" means in their POV. I mean if you're in a relationship, you generally talk about everything under the sun - so why wouldn't you talk about what you have together? Just the timing is where I'm confused.
I'm content sitting on my feelings in this regard for a while. We've been on less than 10 dates. I'll just try and keep from going completely over the edge for this guy. Of course, it doesn't help that every one of my friends who has met him just automatically refers to him as "Jrz's boyfriend."
This is somewhat unexpected. I've been seeing a guy about a month. We have been out probably 6 or 7 times at this point, and he's already met a bunch of my friends (who all think he's awesome - and he likes them, and frequently asks about them).
So at what point is it appropriate to have a relationship status conversation? A month seems way early to me, but he's been pretty clear that he's assuming we're exclusive, which is why I'm a little confused. I could fall really hard here, and I'd like to manage my expectations. I might even be finding myself facing exactly what I'm looking for (an exclusive relationship, with no necessary timeline for anything more) - I've got a feeling he doesn't really have an agenda either.
Things just feel comfortable, and I don't want to screw that up.
Depends on what you want. Casual Dating situation or Long term relationship.
My advice: Don't settle for less than you want.
If a man is truly interested in developing a relationship with you his intentions will be very clear through the dating process. You won't have to wonder where the relationship is going because he will be very straightforward with you. No way in hell you should be asking him about becoming exclusive. That is his job. If he hasn't brought up the girlfriend title or introduced you to some of his friends within the next 3-4 weeks I would be concerned.
Nobody wants to be strung along. Not saying that is what is happening, but don't be like many others that allow that to happen.
Best of luck.
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