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Old 12-05-2011, 05:18 AM
 
32 posts, read 65,809 times
Reputation: 20

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Hi everyone,

if maybe you could give me some advice regarding my now ex-boyfriend?

We had a year and a half long, long-distance relationship. We argued almost all the time and broke up a 100 times but always got back together, because the love, the passion, the bond we shared was amazingly strong...But then with time I think we started getting a bit tired of the whole situation and could not agree who should move (to another's country), when and how...

Last time he broke up with me in summer, than came back begging me to take him back, seemed in love for a while, then we started arguing again over the same old things and eventually it came down to him saying that he now clearly sees i am not the one and he does not feel the same about me (he said he does not admire me anymore, is not as attracted as he used to be, and the feeling that he needs me has gone)....

But i still really really love him. Is there any way I could make him change his mind without bluntly asking him not to leave me??

P.S. I really gained weight in the past year and he clearly did not like it at all....maybe if I lost the weight?
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:23 AM
 
Location: Great Plains
25,583 posts, read 31,897,088 times
Reputation: 22713
Weight have nothing to do with love. If that is an issue, move on. In fact move on. If it is dramatic as you claim it is best to bury it and move on. It is not a healthy relationship.
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:31 AM
 
2,256 posts, read 2,880,995 times
Reputation: 2497
Why do you want a guy who you've repeatedly broken up with?
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:38 AM
 
32 posts, read 65,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SwedishViking View Post
Why do you want a guy who you've repeatedly broken up with?

well...I still love him (a lot)...In my case breaking up is more like telling to **** off when I am really angry or desperate about something rude he does or anything...But I never really mean to break up with him,I love him. I am just absolutely awful at handling rough corners in the relationships (in fact this is my first ever, long-term relationship with the guy), so I do stupid things sometimes, yes.

the bad thing is: whenever he breaks up, he says he does not love me anymore, and he said it many times already, but then he always always came back, so i figured he did not mean it either...

I don't know...
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:40 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,579,604 times
Reputation: 37916
Have y'all actually met? I am afraid I always have to ask that when people start talking about long-distance relationships because of past experience with such threads.

Regardless, no, you will not get him back just because you want him back. I bet you could find someone really nice in your own area code though.
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:44 AM
 
32 posts, read 65,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Have y'all actually met? I am afraid I always have to ask that when people start talking about long-distance relationships because of past experience with such threads.

Regardless, no, you will not get him back just because you want him back. I bet you could find someone really nice in your own area code though.

sure we have met!!! Who do you think I am?!

we kept flying back and forth between his country and mine...
The thing is, I do not want to meet someone else, I mean I love this guy, I honestly do. I am not trying to get him back out of any selfish reasons.
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,926,939 times
Reputation: 1588
I'm sorry for your pain. But, I'm afraid if you don't leave it be, you will have a lifetime of pain. Move on, stay busy. You do not want a man that doesn't love you for you.
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:21 AM
 
32 posts, read 65,809 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by round4 View Post
I'm sorry for your pain. But, I'm afraid if you don't leave it be, you will have a lifetime of pain. Move on, stay busy. You do not want a man that doesn't love you for you.

Thank you! I have been trying my best to keep myself busy lately!
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:22 AM
 
32 posts, read 65,809 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
Weight have nothing to do with love. If that is an issue, move on. In fact move on. If it is dramatic as you claim it is best to bury it and move on. It is not a healthy relationship.

Thank you!
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,932 posts, read 13,700,130 times
Reputation: 11621
Quote:
Originally Posted by DashaROL View Post
But i still really really love him. Is there any way I could make him change his mind without bluntly asking him not to leave me??
No. It's time to accept that he has moved on and now you need to as well. Of course you are still going to have feelings for him, it will take time to get passed that. But you need to start getting into the mind frame that it's over instead of desperately trying to think of methods to make him change his mind. He has finally realized what an unhealthy relationship this is and once someone comes to that realization, you can't, nor should you, be able to change their mind. You may have had a passionate relationship but your bond and love could not have been that "strong" if you split up about 100 times. Maybe when you are over this relationship, you will realize that strong bonds are about healthy bonds and healthy bonds are not formed by constant splitting up and arguing. Is that really what you want out of a relationship?
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