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Ok. Yeah. Right. Brothers. Sisters. One in Christ. Yep. Got it.
Now for reality. The guy doesn't give two hoots about your relationship & is massively disrespecting your boyfriend..... and you are letting him.
I could understand a declaration of feelings. ONE declaration of feelings.
This is something entirely different. Rest assured he does not want to be your 'brother' and God's will has nothing to do with it.
Obviously you have been completely ineffective in putting this guy straight. I would be unimpressed if my husband were receiving this kind of correspondence and not putting an immediate and permanent stop to it.
I saw a thread you posted earlier about feeling you didn't deserve your relationship. Be careful that you don't inadvertantly sabotage it. This kind of thing wouldn't fly for a second with most people.
No, I do deserve it. I know I do. My problem stems from the past. From past treatment. I decided the day after the post you speak of that was it. I needed help from the loss of my parents, the emotional abuse, etc. I sought it.
And you are right. If a lady friend of my boyfriend was doing this, I would be PISSED. Thank you for showing me that.
I am trying to not lose a friend. Its what he has always been, nothing else.
My boyfriend does in fact know about it. I have let C, my friend, know that we are only friends, and that he will find the right one for him, in due time.
This is where I left it tonight, and that is where it stays.
He tells me he loves me.... I told my bf about him. I ask him why a man would do that. I can't figure it out.
I don't want to lose him as a friend, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't know what to do.
...
I do not know how to make it more plain. He knows I have a boyfriend and am happy. I call him brother. I tell him he will one day find the woman who is right for him, and I do not call her Pikantari!
omgosh!
As long as he thinks he has a chance he's going to continue to 'bother' you. You need to shut him down. You will need to tell him directly without ambiguity or reservations that if he continues to pursue this matter that you will have to discontinue all contact. I don't know your boyfriend's personality but if he were me, I'd expect you to do this. This is an implied test of your loyalty - I doubt that your boyfriend is that aloof. Who is more important - the friend or the boyfriend?
[he's watching how you handle this - I know I would]
No, I do deserve it. I know I do. My problem stems from the past. From past treatment. I decided the day after the post you speak of that was it. I needed help from the loss of my parents, the emotional abuse, etc. I sought it.
And you are right. If a lady friend of my boyfriend was doing this, I would be PISSED. Thank you for showing me that.
I am trying to not lose a friend. Its what he has always been, nothing else.
My boyfriend does in fact know about it. I have let C, my friend, know that we are only friends, and that he will find the right one for him, in due time.
This is where I left it tonight, and that is where it stays.
He is not your friend. If you can't see that, then I guess you'll have to wait and see how it ends up playing out and accept the consequences.
If I was your SO I would consider you a poor decision maker & judge of character at best, and tremendously disloyal at worse.
That's what you thought. He was waiting for an opening and got tired of waiting.
Well damn, I would have gotten tired of waiting a long time ago. years. we are talking years here.
So, he took an opening where there was no spot. Not good...
when I say we never went on one date, I am serious. We never went on a single date.
Oh well. He is my good friend, but truly, like many here have said, if he were, he would not have done this.
My loyalty lies with my boyfriend. End of story. I really needed to work this out, and on my own was not cutting it, and I talked to another friend of mine he said everything everyone here did.
He is not your friend. If you can't see that, then I guess you'll have to wait and see how it ends up playing out and accept the consequences.
If I was your SO I would consider you a poor decision maker & judge of character at best, and tremendously disloyal at worse.
I would be very careful.
And it is ok for you to say that and think it. I am not what you say I am. I do, however, like to see the best in people. I needed some other input, and I got it. I even asked my boyfriends input!
At best, I would rather give the benefit of the doubt. At worst, I would ask advice on it, such as I did.
I would not think of being disloyal to this man, ever. He is far more important to me than any of that.
Mt friend, C, well, he is just that. My friend. I was just trying to understand the dynamic of what is going on.
Say what you will about me, I only care a small amount. Know that I married my high school sweetheart and we were together for 16 years. For the most part, I didn't know the ways of the world. I had a boyfriend after I separated who was terrible, and a bad choice, all together. My husband treated me badly, and I did not know better. Our life became normalcy to me.
The man I am with now? I wouldn't trade him in for the world. He knows about my friend, and I have mentioned to him this more than once. The next time we talk, I will let him know how it escalated and my decision on the matter.
I am having a problem with a male friend of mine. We've known each other for a few years and back then (in the beginning) we were going to go out, but it was never the right time. He would always call last minute, or on the way home from work, I would be tired from the day, in my pjs, whatever. It just didn't work.
We have remained friends over the years and have become fairly close. We have been there to talk to each other good times and bad. There for one another to lean on.
I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place with him, currently.
We are great friends, brothers and sisters in Christ. I can get into a nice religious discussion with him and we each know what the other is talking about.
He has begun talking to me in such a way that he is interested in more than just friends.
He regrets us not having gotten together a few years ago. Now, I am happy with my boyfriend. I love him, he loves me.
My friend and I could not be more equally yoked than any two people I know. I feel like he sees this and feels like we've missed out.
He knows I have a boyfriend. He knows I am happy. He says, "You should go riding with me some weekend." I tell him I am with my bf on the weekends.
Some weekday, he says. He tells me I treat him so good. I tell him I am supposed to. It is my duty to do unto others as I would like them to do to me.
He tells me he loves me.... I told my bf about him. I ask him why a man would do that. I can't figure it out.
I don't want to lose him as a friend, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't know what to do.
I've asked my boyfriend again. He says a man wants what he wants. I ask if he would do that, knowing a woman was happy in a relationship. He said from my friends perspective the man probably figures it can't hurt to try.
I have no idea. I sit here alone on my couch in my living room on my birthday and he wishes he were here. Thinks that next year we will be together, Lord willing.
NONONONO!!!!
When he tells me he loves me I am not all sure how he means it. Sometimes he means "In Christ" other times, it does not feel that way.
I tell him he needs to find the right one for him, that it will all be fine.
He tells me that if one day he finds himself holding my hand he will sing songs of rejoicing.
Oh goodness. I try to be a good friend, and steer him in the direction of him being my friend.
He blew my phone up tonight, I cant even count how many messages one right after the other. He told me goodnight and that he loved me. I told him, "Goodnight...brother."
I do not know how to make it more plain. He knows I have a boyfriend and am happy. I call him brother. I tell him he will one day find the woman who is right for him, and I do not call her Pikantari!
omgosh!
Okay...he is your friend...you feel this way and do not want to lose the bond that exists...
You stated that at one point it was more than friends but never was a good time..WITH this said I will say this to YOU..when you really like a man in that way it does not matter if you were in pj's or tired..your need to see him and be with him would have you scrambling to look presentable and meet him some where..
I can def. relate to being friends with the opposite sex, there is no issues with this however boundaries must be set...
For I.E.. I have a guy I dated briefly as a teen and we remained friends to very good friends throughout the years..we broke up because my father felt he ws too old for me ( I was 14 he was 17) I am 37! I got married, he got married..he lives in a different state and visits every holiday and I have one son...we both moved on with our lives..For the last 4 years he has mentioned moving back and picking up where we left off..I had to be blunt and tell him we as people have changed and while we know alot about each other the ship sailed and we can be good friends and this is it..
He was not happy about it and still makes comments from time to time but I am sure to thwart off any inappropriate comments like "That was in the past" and this is the present"
Your b/f is very understanding you are a lucky woman..
but do not mess things up with your b/f over this guy..
You need to be blunt with him since it seems as if he is not getting the clear picture you are drawing for him..
"Look I am in LOVE with this man and you and I are friends, if it was meant to be more than it would have been" I feel bad when you make certain comments and if you really valued our bond than you would stop"
This really is his issue and you need to let him know..if he is really your friend he will understand
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
You can be friends without being a brother and sister, sister and sister, brother and brother in Christ. A man and a woman could be say friends, and unequally yoked. One in Christ, the other not....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
He is neither. He is 49 I believe, and pretty much acts his age. He takes care of himself, looks maybe 15 years younger.
I have never known him to be nervous around women. He is a great guy. Too nice for his own good, if I may add, and has had some walk all over him. He finds himself rather hurt, I think, over a past relationship and if I had to venture, I would say he has a case of the what ifs.
Okay...he is your friend...you feel this way and do not want to lose the bond that exists...
You stated that at one point it was more than friends but never was a good time..WITH this said I will say this to YOU..when you really like a man in that way it does not matter if you were in pj's or tired..your need to see him and be with him would have you scrambling to look presentable and meet him some where..
I can def. relate to being friends with the opposite sex, there is no issues with this however boundaries must be set...
For I.E.. I have a guy I dated briefly as a teen and we remained friends to very good friends throughout the years..we broke up because my father felt he ws too old for me ( I was 14 he was 17) I am 37! I got married, he got married..he lives in a different state and visits every holiday and I have one son...we both moved on with our lives..For the last 4 years he has mentioned moving back and picking up where we left off..I had to be blunt and tell him we as people have changed and while we know alot about each other the ship sailed and we can be good friends and this is it..
He was not happy about it and still makes comments from time to time but I am sure to thwart off any inappropriate comments like "That was in the past" and this is the present"
Your b/f is very understanding you are a lucky woman..
but do not mess things up with your b/f over this guy..
You need to be blunt with him since it seems as if he is not getting the clear picture you are drawing for him..
"Look I am in LOVE with this man and you and I are friends, if it was meant to be more than it would have been" I feel bad when you make certain comments and if you really valued our bond than you would stop"
This really is his issue and you need to let him know..if he is really your friend he will understand
Do a re-read. I never stated it was more than friends. We were going to go out. An initial date. Never did. Ever.
I appreciate your input. I did not scramble to get dressed and meet him because it wasn't like that. Waaaay back then I said I would go on a date or whatever with him, but whenever was good for him was not good for me, always last minute, etc.
I did not care one way or the other. I was attracted to him, but my world was not going to stop if we didn't get ice cream.
Now, my boyfriend..... he is a different story. He means the world to me and if I were never to eat ice cream with him again, my world may stop.
He holds far greater importance in my life than any one else possibly could. I love him with everything.
I just wanted my friend to be that. My friend. Turns out, I don't think he can be anymore.
Thanks for your advice, hope you have a good evening
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