How to get over the playboy boss (wife, marriage, women)

[summerbreezing]

For almost two weeks, I have been in a really bad mood. It all started from a night talk with my boss. He is in his 5o's. I am a married middle-aged woman. My marriage is not perfect but it's stable. My husband just is not good at expressing his feelings. I admit I am not perfect. If I didn't have any thoughts, I won't be in a bad mood now.

My boss always has always shown his interest on me though we haven't met each other during working hours. I work after-hour shifts, mostly nights. One day, I was called to come to replace a staff who was sick. While I was working, my boss came and thanked me for coming while grabbing my hands. I just felt a little bit uncomfortable. We chatted for a few minutes. Then my boss's wife called him on his cell phone. To my surprise, he said,"hi, my wife, I'm coming home. I just had a wonderful talk with XXX(my name). She is here."

One night, I received my boss' phone call around 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning while i was working night shift. He asked me about sth. in the work and then he said he was on his way to town. And that was it.

Two weeks ago, I received a phone call from my boss. He was downstairs in my workplace and he asked me to come help him find out some information. I felt strange because that was obviously an excuse. I hesitated for a while but I still went down to see him. Somebody from headoffice was in our town and he got sick. So he told my boss at midnight that he was in hospital. My boss decided to go see him at hospital. However, he came to see me first. I easily got the information my boss needed then we talked for two hours. Everybody needs attention and that is why I was attracted. I got more attention from him than from my husband. Also, a well-educated man with power is always attractive to women generally. My feeling for him changed a lot after that night's talk. Two days later, it happened I met him with his wife in the mall. I just simply said "hi" and was going to leave. My boss stopped me and introduced me to his wife. I could see his wife's face changing from normal to jealousy and bitter. What's more, my boss said," She is the one I talked at 3 or 4 o'clock at night." And his wife's face turned foul. ...
Since then, my boss never calls me or comes at night to talk to me. I was ignored by him. I felt loss. I started to pay much attention to this man indirectly. The more I found out, the more disappointed and angrier I am. All the servers in the dinning room are sexy young girls now (he hired them recently). Before, I saw him always likes to chat with everybody. Now I realize he is flirting with every woman in my workplace. A few days ago, he also appointed a young female worker as the manager in kitchen. This is unusual because she doesn't qualify. I thought he likes me because we can carry on conversation at higher level and I am special. I completely believed that as a well-educated man in his 50s, with a belly and bald head, it was impossible that he could be a playboy. Maybe I was thinking of some Plato relationship. I really enjoyed the attention from him. I can't help it. In less than two weeks, my emotion went through :happy-disappointed-sad-angry status. Now, anger is full of my head. How could such an old man be a playboy?
I could not sleep well. My stomache hurts when i think of this. My mood becomes unstable. I lost weight. I was a happy and busy person before this happened. It hurts a lot whenever I am thinking of this thing. It's not becuase I love him but because it's threatening my self-esteem. He has no respect to his wife or to any woman.
It will take time to recover but I really hate him now. If I see him again, what should I do to vent my anger?

[summerbreezing]

error: we haven't met each other so often during working hours

[IlonaG]

Get over it. Some men are simply like that. It's his problem and not yours. Talk to your husband - tell him how you feel, tell him you've been feeling neglected. Communication is the key to all relationships and marriage takes work from both sides.
Good Luck.

[summerbreezing]

Thank you for your advice. I realized that my husband and I are lack of communication for a while because I am working, studying, and looking after family. My husband is exhausted already when he gets home from work. Life is hard for both of us right now. However, I am an optimistic person. Before this "event", I enjoyed music, cooking, and chatting with friends. I was tricked by that man and I even don't know why. I realized playboys are usually smart and they try to control women by detroying their self-esteem. Usually those women with low self-esteem would become under his control. I am getting better every day now but still I hate the way he is playing with. I don't want to see him any more because I feel so disgusted. If he is not my boss, I would like to slap on his face hardly, and say, "You should have respect to your wife and other women, bastard!" However, I still need my job. Because I have to work very often, the familiar place and incoming flirting news make me feel bad. I need to protect my self-esteem. I am looking for ways to vent my negative feelings, like this forum. It's like talking to a friend. I feel ashamed to tell anybody in real life.
Thank you for your reply.

[JerZ]

I hate to say it, but it really sounds to me like he was trying to make his wife jealous. If not, he wouldn't have kept mentioning you to her (IMO). Maybe he was trying to get the spark back in his marriage. Once he had it, he stopped flirting with you.

It was a sch m*ck move, I agree.

[summerbreezing]

I doubt it's worse than that. He flirts around with every woman. I didn't realize that before. Plus, I am younger and more attractive. That's why I don't want him to introduce me to his wife. For sure, he wants his wife to be jealousy. He wants every woman to be jealousy.

[summerbreezing]

The thing is he didn't tell his wife that he sneaked in to talk to me at midnight. The talk he mentioned to his wife is another one that we talked on the phone while he was with his wife ( I guess) at 3 o'clock in the morning. It was all about the work thing. He is smart.

[crabman1]

The smart money says leave the boss and his baggage to him and attend to your own marriage. Neither of you are in the right place.

[tegota]

I noticed that you indicate your husband is not good at expressing his feelings. Are you sure that you're actually hearing him completely? There's a lot of information available today; a simple google of "men love differently than women" will yield a lot of results.

Men are not women. Men are not even remotely wired like women. Fact is men are more emotionally connected than women. The communication takes on more of a demostrative form. In a language women almost universally and literally cannot hear. It's like talking vs. listening.

Notice there aren't "romance" novels for men. We don't read them. We don't get them. Love is something you do and be. It's action. It's voice inflection and tonality.

Never ceases to amaze me the occassions where I've observed friends. Clearly demonstrating their love for their wife and family. Later to learn she'd had an affair; because she couldn't hear him. Or to see once vibrant couples have a male "shut-down" and pull away...being unable to meet feminine expectations for communicating in a way that's a foreign concept for him.



So not sure what your own scenario is?

But men are not women... Just as surely as women are not men. For young men, it takes a while for them to figure out what a woman means when she says, "I love you." But I'm not "in love" with you. Being there is NO SUCH expression or concept within the male genetic code.

For women, love can feel like euphoria. It's biologically driven I suspect for the purposes of propagating the species. It does not last forever. Eighteen months to three years max. I suspect that's what young women refer to as being "in love." Or, falling out of love?

My only thought is "actions speak louder than words." Suggest you consider your husbands behavior through that type of lens. See if you hear his feelings any differently or a little better?

Maybe googling the topic will help to know what to "listen" for?

[summerbreezing]

My husband is from a very traditional family. He doesn't cook at home. We do talk a lot sometimes and I enjoy it. He is my only man in my whole life. I never kissed another guy in my lifetime. I think this is good and I am going to stay in the commitment. I never think of any affair that is sex-related.