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Old 12-27-2011, 03:02 PM
 
5,053 posts, read 2,919,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I read your recent posts - and my posts weren't directed towards you. You did recommend getting to know him first. I'm just wondering if all the other guys on this thread that are being so pushy are really taking into account this particular person or are just trying to push their own agenda.
I have mentioned before in this thread to spend some time with him. From greeting to actually talking and once she feels more comfortable with him then ASK HIM OUT instead of just sitting there with her hands on her lap. After talking to him for a while maybe it will be easier for her to go ahead and ask his number and offer hers, pick a spot to take him out for dinner, and so on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Why do you have to get to know each other so well before making a move or asking them out? It's just a date. And dates are for getting to know each other. At this point she can just ask if she can give him a call outside of the gym (No facebook or texting!) and start talking to him and at some point tell him she likes him. It doesn't have to be something scary or super blunt
This is also something to consider. Normally women get asked out regardless of barely knowing the guy and many many accept to be taken out. Hey, it's just an activity to get to know each other out a bit more, right?
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,523 posts, read 8,993,832 times
Reputation: 16548
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
I have mentioned before in this thread to spend some time with him. From greeting to actually talking and once she feels more comfortable with him then ASK HIM OUT instead of just sitting there with her hands on her lap. After talking to him for a while maybe it will be easier for her to go ahead and ask his number and offer hers, pick a spot to take him out for dinner, and so on.
But you see - this is your own agenda speaking. Would you advise a guy to do this? She needs to pick a spot and take him out to dinner, etc. Why not just leave it at get to know him and see where it goes? Maybe he'll beat her to the punch? Maybe he's not allowed to ask out members and she will have to ask him out? Maybe he would rather pick the restaurant? Maybe they'll pick one together? Maybe they'll happen in one on their way to the subway one evening. Maybe he'll insist on picking up the check? Maybe they'll go dutch? Like I said - why not leave it at getting to know him and feeling out the situation? The rest is your own personal agenda.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,523 posts, read 8,993,832 times
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All the guys that I've dated - I've gotten to know before hand. I don't think I would accept a date with someone I didn't know a little bit already. But that's just my personal preference.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:12 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,621,973 times
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She's feeling insecure, still unsure if he's interested and like he's too good for her anyway... I think it's a bit too much to talk about how if she doesn't hurry up, some other better woman is going to get him or about taking him out to dinner. This will intimidate her into passivity. At this point, she should just ask if she can talk to him later outside of the gym. Baby steps.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,523 posts, read 8,993,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
She's feeling insecure, still unsure if he's interested and like he's too good for her anyway... I think it's a bit too much to talk about how if she doesn't hurry up, some other woman is going to get him or about taking him out to dinner. This will intimidate her into passivity. At this point, she should just ask if she can talk to him later outside of the gym. Baby steps.
Yeah - it's like if someone was suffering from stage fright - you might tell them to take an acting or an improv class. You wouldn't tell them to put on a one person show tomorrow night. Or if someone doesn't know how to swim - you aren't going to throw them overboard on the high seas.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:22 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,621,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Yeah - it's like if someone was suffering from stage fright - you might tell them to take an acting or an improv class. You wouldn't tell them to put on a one person show tomorrow night. Or if someone doesn't know how to swim - you aren't going to throw them overboard on the high seas.
When I was around 7 or 8 yo and didn't know how to swim, I learned by being thrown into the deep end of a pool by my siblings. I learned immediately (lol) but it was a scary experience.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:44 PM
 
Location: FL
2,392 posts, read 3,363,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
She's feeling insecure, still unsure if he's interested and like he's too good for her anyway... I think it's a bit too much to talk about how if she doesn't hurry up, some other better woman is going to get him or about taking him out to dinner. This will intimidate her into passivity. At this point, she should just ask if she can talk to him later outside of the gym. Baby steps.
I agree but why is it a double standard for men? We would be told to man-up and ask her out.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,523 posts, read 8,993,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by he's so hott View Post
I agree but why is it a double standard for men? We would be told to man-up and ask her out.
I wouldn't say that to a guy in this situation either. I think people should work within their comfort zone - and sometimes push the boundaries a little bit to get what they want if they think it's worth it. If it was a guy asking for advice - I would tell him the same thing. Get to know the hot girl first and then see where it leads.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:51 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,621,973 times
Reputation: 9298
Quote:
Originally Posted by he's so hott View Post
I agree but why is it a double standard for men? We would be told to man-up and ask her out.
I would say the same thing I said to her if he were crazy about her and had a lot of anxiety. Just to talk to her first.
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
5,005 posts, read 3,556,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie View Post
Wow, I so disagree.

Good looking is one attribute, but chemistry is what ultimately draws people together. You can have chemistry with someone not as good looking as someone else and find yourself attracted to the person you experience that chemistry with, instead.

Had I not personally experienced it myself on a few occasions I wouldn't have believed it, but it is true, and it does and can happen. I'm not saying it always happens, I'm saying it's not as rare as you might think.

A beautiful woman (or a handsome man) can become less attractive as you get to know them. And a more plain woman/man can become more attractive over time. It just depends on several factors, but chemistry is at or near the top of the list.
This is so true!
My own story confirms it: for a long while i had a HUGE CRUSH on this incredibly good looking guy that worked in my family hotel (lets call him Julian), so He was what people in USA would call "way out of my league" specially cause he was incredibly good looking and i was (still are) average. Julian was the better looking guy i ever met in my life, the kinda guy women turn heads to look at when he walks. Everyone at the hotel thought he was gorgeous, including girls that were staying in the hotel and keep trying to flirt with him. At the time i met him, we were both 21 years old, and i had a boyfriend and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I became friends with Julian, i met him the first day of summer and everyday of summer i stayed for longer than my shift (i also worked at the hotel at the time, but i finished at 10pm and J started his shift at 10pm and was in charge of the hotel for the night) to chat with him. Long story short: we became best friends. It turned out we had everything in common and he became my number one confident, i was his, he was my friend, we talked about everything, help eahcother with everything, we went out for movies, had long talks until sun come out, etcétera, the whole thing
I had a boyfriend at the time but since i knew Julian was WAAAY too hot for me, i didnt mind, i just kept the crush platonic, and, since he was such an amazing friend of mine, it wasnt that difficult to put my feelings aside. I was kinda in love with him. He had everything i ever wanted in a man and he was better than my boyfriend for me. But, since he was out of my league, well.....we just stayed friends.

Two years after i met Julian, i broke up with my long-term boyfriend. Me and gorgeous Julian were the best friends and did everything together. He helped me a lot when i was going through that long break up (it did took too long for me and my boyfriend to break it off cause we had been together for 5 years) and J was an EXCELLENT friend of mine. Two weeks after i broke up with this boyfriend, it was my birthday. I was with Julian and other friends of mine. My recent ex boyfriend called me, and since i was still bitter by our breakup, i hanged up on him. I took Julian aside and went to another room and started crying, i didnt wanna cry in front of my other friends and Julian was my number one confident and knew the whole story with my ex. When i started crying, he huged me, and then, out of the blue, he kissed me. I was a bit drunk, crying, and TOTALLY didnt see it coming. I kissed him back and then he left. Long story short: we started dating the next day and have been dating for six years now.
Hows this related to thread? well, i never, in a millon years, would have imagined that Julian would find ME atractive! I didnt even considered the possibility, thats why he was my best friend even when i had a boyfriend. BUT Julian confessed me he was in love with me for a LONG time and patiently wait for me to drop that boyfriend to make a move! He confessed me that he thought i was georgeous as soon as he saw me. And then he saw we had everything in common and he started thinking we were soulmate and totally was falling in love with me. But i had NO IDEA at the moment! Cause i was totally in love with him too, at the point of desperation sometimes, but never ever dreamed of making a move cause i had no idea he felt the same. Never would have imagined.

IF he made a move earlier or at least told me his feelings, i would have dropped my boyfriend 2 years earlier and started dating Julian insantly. Point is, cake: dont assume cause he is hot and you are average he cant be attracted to you cause BELIEVE ME it happens! He probably thinks you are hotter than him.
And, if you like him GO FOR IT! If i knew i had a chance, i would have dropped my boyfriend, go for this Julian guy, and didnt waste anymore time in life withouth kissing him.


oh, and please keep us posted about your story. Im curious about what happens
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