Crush on a gym' employee (man, husband, young, beautiful)

[onihC]

Originally Posted by cakeitup

I don't do the playing with my hair, giggling etc.... Actually we did have a few conversations and he's even the one who started them, the thing is I think I do everything to keep the convo gym oriented, I don't even do that on purpose

That’s good. The more you talk to him the more comfortable you will feel to ask him out.

[WakaFlocka]

Originally Posted by lottamoxie

Oh for goodness sakes. No one can be THAT clueless. The species would die out.

If a woman does any one of the following:

- looks at you and holds the gaze for a few seconds, especially more than once
- smiles at you
- makes any attempt to talk to you or be around you
- flirts with you
- winks at you

You can at least be sure that she is interested in knowing you to some extent. Whether that translates into a romance...well no, that can't be known at that point, but you should at least understand those are green light signals of someone who is friendly and may be a prospect for you.

Taken women have done that to me. I don't assume anything unless I'm asked out.

[JerZ]

Mod cut: off topic.
This woman likes aggressive men. She hasn't really done anything active (she hasn't literally asked him out, anyway) and he hasn't pursued so he's probably just not the one for her, any more than a woman who won't take the driver's seat in asking a man out and pursuing is just not the one for you. (shrug) This really isn't so hard.

But for some people on here, it's just silly to say that a woman who won't pursue dates in the exact way the average man pursues dates, will wind up lonely. Come on, you guys. When do you think we were all born, last Tuesday?

You want an aggressive woman. Sit and wait for one and just give little indications of interest, like winks and going up to her and just talking. That's fine. The OP can and should do the same. One of the things she likes in a romance is that the man be someone who likes to do the pursuing. That's her right...and no, it doesn't minimize her chances to zilch.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

You say that you never pursue women - so why are you putting others down for not pursuing either? I don't get it.

Ah, what an excellent question. This quoted post was in response to Wacka, so I too would like to know: how does it make the OP weak and more or less useless that she won't aggressively pursue men, but it makes you openminded and socially evolved that you won't aggressively pursue women?

Things that make ya go "hmmm." Or, well, things that just make ya laugh.

[JerZ]

Mod cut: off topic; personal barbs. Play nice, people, or I'll close the thread.

And the OP will go for (or hope for) men who want to do the initial asking out. (And yeah, there are plenty of those.)

[JerZ]

So anyway, OP. My take on this? You're not missing out on the relationship of a lifetime by not pursuing this guy if you don't want to do that. Why? Because if the heart strings were really there from both sides, SOMEBODY would have made a move by now.

That may sound a little fatalistic but I definitely believe it. *Something* is keeping the two of you apart. And what is that something? It's, well, both of you. It's not right somehow so nobody has managed to fall into a position where, say, a suggestion of coffee would have come up from either side.

He's just not the dude for you. There are other guys. And for him, there are other girls. If you are this uncomfortable about asking him out, then *one* thing that's less negotiable for you (I won't say totally non-negotiable, I don't know you) is that the man should do the first asking out. This is not a crime on your part. But he has shown he either can't or won't do that so, no loss. He's a friendly guy, you're a friendly woman, you just aren't meant to date.

Keep going to the gym, keep being friendly with everybody.

[onihC]

Mod cut.

A friendship could lead to something else and if this with new guy they don’t end up in a relationship at least they made new friends. Maybe she ends up asking him out later on along the road or vice versa, maybe not.

[JerZ]

Mod cut.
There's a lot more they're discovering about one another here than simply who likes to pursue and who doesn't. They're actually exchanging a lot of information about their personalities, conversations styles and so on, than is immediately obvious. And what they're discovering is that it just never seems to be the right time, the right situation, the right tone of voice, the right...anything.

Why is that such a big deal? Not everyone clicks, even if visually, they're attracted to one another. So? Western civilization isn't going to fall if this woman doesn't ask the guy out, just as western civilization didn't fall because the guy didn't ask her out. Time to move on, there are other people out there. (shrug)

[he's so hott]

Originally Posted by JerZ

So anyway, OP. My take on this? You're not missing out on the relationship of a lifetime by not pursuing this guy if you don't want to do that. Why? Because if the heart strings were really there from both sides, SOMEBODY would have made a move by now.

That may sound a little fatalistic but I definitely believe it. *Something* is keeping the two of you apart. And what is that something? It's, well, both of you. It's not right somehow so nobody has managed to fall into a position where, say, a suggestion of coffee would have come up from either side.

He's just not the dude for you. There are other guys. And for him, there are other girls. If you are this uncomfortable about asking him out, then *one* thing that's less negotiable for you (I won't say totally non-negotiable, I don't know you) is that the man should do the first asking out. This is not a crime on your part. But he has shown he either can't or won't do that so, no loss. He's a friendly guy, you're a friendly woman, you just aren't meant to date.

Keep going to the gym, keep being friendly with everybody.

Is this some sort of new age speak? Most of the time it's the guy making the move and the "heart strings" are only coming from one side.

[Thehouse]

Unless another guy comes along, she will always think about the possibilities if she doesnt show a more clearer sign that she is interested and this opportunity passes her.

Another thing to considered if it hasnt been said is, dont forget that he is in his place of work. There might be certain rules about dating members. It also can have a negative effect on both part is the relationship ends on a wrong foot or doesnt work out.

I work with the public and see many woman daily. Unless a girl shows vivid signs that she is interested, i will continue to do my job.